(Closed) Help! Etiquette question

posted 5 years ago in Etiquette
Post # 3
Member
9057 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2010

double post

Post # 4
Member
9057 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2010

Just so we’re clear, your plan if you invite the mom is to sit her with your fiance’s father’s OTHER ex?  That sounds like a baaaaad plan. 1) For the reason you outlined, and 2) I assume FI’s mom is sitting at some kind of honor table, and I’m not sure elevating the other ex-spouse to her same level is a good idea.

Assuming your FI has some sort of relationship with mother of his sister, I’d have him contact her about his sister coming and then include her on the father’s invite.

Post # 5
Member
1710 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: May 2013 - Walt Disney World

@lindseyl06:  So, if you invite his little sister (and not her mother), who is going to be responsible for her?  I’m assuming that FI’s dad had a second marriage/relationship that failed after he had your FI?.  If she doesn’t get along with her father, who will take care of her?  Can she only come to the ceremony portion of the day (she would still need someone to watch her there)?

As for invitations, since his sister doesn’t live with her father, the invite should go to her residence but only have her name on it.  As for seating arrangements, she is 8, she can suck up one night of sitting with her dad.

Post # 9
Member
1710 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: May 2013 - Walt Disney World

@lindseyl06:  Ah, I see.  Wow, that is some backstory.  Hmm, well, if FI is not going to budge on inviting sister’s mom, I wouldn’t make him.  And sister should still sit with with dad.  If he does change his mind on letting her attend with his sister, I would say put them at a table that is not with his mom or dad’s new wife (that just begs for bad juju).  Honestly, I don’t really know why his sister’s mom would want to go?

Post # 10
Member
1710 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: May 2013 - Walt Disney World

@lindseyl06:  Yeah, I can definitely see where you would be frustrated, especially since it’s not your family!  Does FI ever contact his sister’s mom to talk to his sister?  Maybe he can get the address that way.

Post # 12
Member
2874 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: March 2013

@lindseyl06:  yes, id do what you thought 0 id add her name to fi’s dad’s invite even though they live seperately. that establishes that shes invited but the mother isnt, and if she comes that fi’s dad is responsible for her.

sending an invite with her name only to her house is a little odd, and itd probably seem a bit bitchy to the mother (in a way that fi’s dad asking to take her wouldnt)

Post # 14
Member
9057 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2010

@lindseyl06:  I think it really depends what his relationship is with her.  If she was his stepmother for an extended period and they had a good relationship/she played a significant role in his upbringing, then I’d invite her.  If it was like a fling that his dad knocked up, she really should just understand why she wasn’t invited.

ETA: I just read the backstory.  I don’t think it would be rude to leave her out at this point.

Post # 15
Member
1710 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: May 2013 - Walt Disney World

@lindseyl06:  Haha!  Yeah, my FI is deployed right now, so he can’t really do anything anyway, but I totally understand!

As for FI’s stepmom, I don’t know if I would bring it up to her unless she and his dad already know about the intention to invite FI’s sister.  FI or his dad may become upset if FI’s stepmom knows about it before his dad.  Maybe talk to FI and see if he thinks talking to the stepmom would help get another perspective on the situation?

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