Help? Family has started ignoring my FH. ???

posted 3 years ago in Family
Post # 3
Member
8907 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: August 2013 - Rocky Mountains USA

@Juno08:  wow, that’s really immature of them.  If he’s apologized for hurting their feelings re: asking for your hand or whatever, they need to get the hell over it.

You said you apologized, but did HE specifically apologize?  Even though he hasn’t really done anything wrong (it is the 21st century after all), there’s still something to be said for empathizing with others’ opinions, as it sounds like he does.  If they won’t talk to him in person, perhaps writing a fairly succinct but apologetic email would help.  My poor husband has had to do that in previous years a few times, when my slightly controlling parents have gotten their panties in a twist about something, and it’s been well-received.

Also, did you go to Thanksgiving and Christmas without him?  That’s basically rewarding their behavior.  They learn that they can exclude him and you will be still be their good little daughter.  I’d start by, next time they invite you to something, telling them that you and FI are very excited to come and spend time with them.  If they balk at that, you have to tell them that you two are a partnership and you will be not be celebrating holidays or even spending time with family just for fun without the other person.

Anyway, not to write a novel here.  But over the course of my long relationship, I’ve come full circle from my parents disapproving of my incredibly gentle loving kind guy for pointless reasons, to them loving him like their own son.  So I hope you can too!

Post # 4
Member
2355 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: September 2014

@Juno08:  I’m wondering if asking permission is the real story here. It seems pretty extreme for that to have started all of this. I’d be willing to bet that there are deeper issues, and that the age difference might bother them more than you thought.

Post # 5
Member
1884 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: September 2014

@Juno08:  no, it isn’t right, and is very extreme for such a small thing. He apologized, everyone should have moved on. I would confront my parents and call out their behavior. As @lolot: stated, if you’re letting them avoid explaining and attending events without your fiancé, you’re telling them the behavior is ok. 

Post # 6
Member
2649 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: October 2010

@Juno08:  Are you kidding me?  Your parents are being ridiculous, controlling and petty.

 

It is absurd that they expected a grown man to ask their ‘permission” to marry an adult, independant, grown woman already LIVING with him.  To be this angry and punitive is not only outrageous, but weird.

 

Your FI does not owe them an apology and has nothing to feel bad about.  It was very good of him to attempt to make amends.  Your parents added insult to injury by not accepting.

 

If I were you, I would have a prompt CTJ talk with my parents during which I would tell them they were completely out of line and if they didn’t come correct, they wouldn’t be seeing much of me at all.  

 

If you allowed them to slight your FI without calling them out on their ridiculous behavior, then shame on you.  There is no way on God’s green earth I would tolerate my family treating my husband like this, especially over something so utterly ridiculous.  If my husband isn’t welcome – then neither am I and you can keep your invitation.  

Make no mistake – they are 100% out of order here.  If they threaten not to come to the wedding or want you to choose, tell them you’ll miss them and to give you a call when they want to be part of your and your futue husband’s life

 

Post # 7
Member
2992 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2014

I didn’t even think men were expected to ask permission any more and I am OLD!

Post # 8
Member
8720 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: September 2013

@MsW-to-MrsM:  I was thinking the same thing. 

Post # 9
Member
183 posts
Blushing bee

@Juno08:  Are you sure that is the ONLY reason?  Have you talked to them?  Sometimes things can get blown out of proportion.  I suggest both of you sitting down with them and asking them what is going on.

As for the age difference, my husband is 14 years older than me.  We got married when I was 23 and my parents were worried about the age difference but never told me.  That was 20 years ago and I still love the old man Tongue Out

Post # 11
Member
906 posts
Busy bee

I have a similar story for you. when my parents were dating then engaged and now married my aunts via my moms sisters didn’t acknowledge my dad so due to this my mom cut contact with her sisters(my aunts) if a family member dosnt acknowledge your so then a family member dosnt need to be in your guys life. 

Leave a comment


Sent weekly. You may unsubscribe at any time.

Find Amazing Vendors