HELP Family is boycotting wedding – perhaps RSVP'ing yes and not showing

posted 3 years ago in Etiquette
Post # 3
Member
5932 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: April 2018

@MIbee2013:  …before I did anything I would verify through a reputable source that this was ACTUALLY happeneing…and then I wouldn’t do anything…if they don’t come, they don’t come. 

I can tell you that inviting a second wave of guests because your declination rate indicates people aren’t coming might be a mistake….if your father’s family hastily jumps on the “Boycott Bandwagon” they might just as quickly change their minds and contact you to rescind their declination and come anyway, leaving you with extra guests that have also been invited that you may or may not be able to pay for.

I know this is upsetting, but you cannot let such futile tactics bother you or push you to actions that will result in further stress and emtional pain.

 

Post # 4
Member
3223 posts
Sugar bee

@MIbee2013:  First of all try to get some perspective.  This will not ruin your life.  It may suck, but it is not a life ruiner.  Do not give power to people who would treat you badly because you had to make cuts to your guest list.  They are clearly not worth it, or that close to you or they would have made the cut in the first place.

What are you hoping to accomplish with the earlier date? 

Post # 5
Member
1634 posts
Bumble bee

@MIbee2013:  Are you wanting to pretend to push your RSVP date up so if people arent coming you can invite others that were left off? Are you close enough to these “boycotters” to call them and have a conversation with them about what is REALLY happening, that you have been saving for a while but as you’re footing the bill yourself, you’re on a limited budget so unfortunately a lot of people who you’d have loved to celebrate with couldnt be invited? Why is your dad lying about pitching in for the wedding? I think I’d probably shove ettiquite right out the window at this point and get to the heart of the matter if youre stressed about it. What a mess, im sorry!

Post # 6
Member
4576 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: September 2014

@MIbee2013:  I don’t like lying, even justified lying. You always end up getting caught and looking like a smacked ass.

I’d just keep a very firm RSVP deadline: if you do not hear from them by October 20th, you will assume they arent coming. A lot of brides chase down RSVPs…in your case I would not. If you have to invite people after the fact, I’m sure they will understand if you say: “I was so sad before when I couldnt invite you…but circumstances have changed, if it’s not too late notice, we would be honored for you to attend.”

 

Post # 10
Member
5932 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: April 2018

@MIbee2013:  ….but your Dad is a liar…we’ve established this…he lied about paying in part for your wedding, so its entirely possible he’s lying about this covert conversation regarding your wedding…and besides…maybe they are pissed that the whole clan isn’t invited…people get weird about that….you admitted you had to pick and choose, which could be viewed as a slight in their eyes because some members made the cut and others didn’t.

I guess my only question is why do you need 140 butts in the seats, you invited the people you wanted there…if they don’t come, they don’t come…what’s the big deal?

 

Post # 11
Member
1253 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: May 2015

@MIbee2013:  I would kindly inform your father that he can either go back and correct the outright lie that he is footing the bill, or he too will not be coming to the wedding. Seriously, where does your dad get off doing this? Since he is apparently the root cause of the problems, I think you know where to start.

Post # 12
Member
2665 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2016

You could also do this : have your DOC hand out the name cards. No card no seat, no food. There’s a Mcdonalds down the road come back for the dancing.

Post # 14
Member
4576 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: September 2014

@MIbee2013:  Another tactic is to call them out: “Hey Aunt Franny, my dad mentioned he overheard you saying you weren’t coming to my wedding because Third-Cousin Cletus wasnt invited…is this true? Oh, it’s not? Okay, then see you then.”

 

@Nona99:  +1

Post # 15
Member
1881 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: October 2014

You and your father need to call these people, together, and explain the whole situation. Something along the lines of:

“We heard you were a bit upset about our wedding guest list. I am so sorry if I have done anything to offend you. You see, unfortunately Fi and I are are on a tight budget (this is where Dad chimes in and echos this) and sadly we can’t afford to invite everyone we want to. However, it was really important to us that we invite you and I truly hope you’ll be able to join us.”

Do you have anything to truly apologize for? No. But – this is the best way to keep the peace and ensure you don’t end up with an RSVP disaster.

 

Post # 16
Member
5932 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: April 2018

@MIbee2013:  …well, you do what you gotta do, but I strongly caution bees against the Guest List A and Guest List B  practice to “fill the house”…invitations don’t have expiration dates, people change their minds and you certainly cannot uninvite someone…you mention that you’re paying for this on your own….just think what it would be like to have to pay double what you were planning because you over-invited.

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