Help feel torn between SO and Cousin

posted 3 years ago in Relationships
Post # 3
Member
3280 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: June 2014

She’s asking too much of you, just say no. My cousins pay me to babysit, I refuse but they always find a way to give me money or send gift cards, etc. Babysitting for a few hours one day a week, not bad but I would not do it for free on the weekends. If they are spending more on unnessary things tell them to hire a babysitter because it’s not your kid or responsibility. 

Post # 4
Member
2052 posts
Buzzing bee

@MrsN14:  +1

She is your cousin, but you are NOT her personal baby sitter.

I think it’s good that you want to help and all that and it’s wonderful that you are helping her out during the week so late (you are better than me lol); but that is NOT your job!!

Your SO stays far away and damn right he gets priority.  Sorry.  I honestly don’t want to get flamed or say the wrong thing here-but if your cousin had an issue with child care maybe she should have thought about this BEFORE having kids and she can get a different job that is not in retail lol.  Perhaps you can help her get a different job by suggesting the local temp force? 

Good Luck!

Post # 5
Member
3097 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: April 2013 - A court...

I side with your SO. Not saying your cousin HAS to pay you (maybe you like spending time with the baby?) but she seems to rely on you a lot, its not your responsibility . Also for them to splurge on material items and still expect free babysitting or else you’re a shitty cousin ? You’re too nice.

Post # 6
Member
1140 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: Seattle, WA

@leisha606:  Your SO is right!  She’s completely taking advantage of the fact that you watch her son for free.  I would NEVER feel comfortable asking so much of a friend or family member, and so often, espeically when it sounds like that are financially able to hire a babysitter.  I think you need to put your foot down, honestly.  Good luck with this situation!

Post # 7
Member
7216 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

Wait, let me get this right: you are providing free babysitting once a week (until 9.45pm), and sometimes all day Sunday as well? If so I agree with your SO. You’re not a “bad cousin” if you don’t provide her with free child care. Looking after the child is her responsibility not yours. It’s nice of you to help – but she needs to be giving something in return.

And I can pretty well guarantee that if you have a baby in a few years’ time, she won’t be able to help because she’ll be busy with her school aged child/children.

Post # 8
Member
9412 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper

@leisha606:  For me, my partner comes first no matter what. If she needs child care, she can hire someone like everyone else in the world has to do. You can’t always sponge off your family and expect them to jump every time you ask them to. I would say, “I’m sorry. As much as I’d love to help, I only get to see my partner on the weekends. We’d like to spend quality time together alone.”

Don’t make someone else’s problem your problem, especially at the expense of your relationship. Would you rather be a good cousin or a good wife? He is your life partner and who you will be spending the rest of your life with. I’d rather not put a rift in that relationship and focus on developing it and keeping it strong. I’d be pissed if my partner changed plans with me to baby-sit, especially if I didn’t see him often.

Post # 9
Member
1173 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: January 2013

Im siding with your SO on this one. Your cousin and her husband need to find a workable solution to Their problem. Its great that maybe once a week you can watch after him but your SO doesnt get to see you all week and he deserves your weekend time. He shouldnt have to deal with you looking after a child when he has waited all week to see you.  

Your cousin sounds rather selfish. Your SO is right, if they can afford luxuries then they should be able to find child care instead of guilting you into watching their child. Also she called you shitty and said you never go out with her on the weekends, well who would be watching her child while you were out?

 

I agree with a PP, she needs to either change jobs or find a sitter that isnt you.

 

Post # 11
Member
1173 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: January 2013

@leisha606:  Sounds like she is taking advantage of everyone. I realize that people have to work but just because she has to work doesnt mean she gets free child care from anyone and everyone. Sounds like she has a workable schedule with everyone pitching in, and thats bunk. 

I was a single mom for a while and I had to pay child care as most people do.  I would be steering her toward a job that doesnt overlap with her husbands or advise her of local child care people who have good rates.

Post # 12
Member
10219 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: December 2012

She is pulling on your heart strings (with the baby) and your good & GENEROUS Nature… to the point of using you

Think about it… while you are babysitting, she is working

She is making money… you are babysitting / working for her, and making zip-zero-zilch

She is therefore taking advantage of you

I get that you feel bad for the baby… but your Cousin needs to be paying you something… or finding someone else to babysit

And ya, NOTHING comes between me and my time with Mr TTR without my first talking it thru with him (not after the fact that an agreement has been made)

I very naturally tell people when they ask of my time when normally Mr TTR & I are usually together… “Sorry, but I will have to get back to you.  Need to see if Mr TTR has anything planned that I may not be aware of”

Clearly a way of stating OUR RELATIONSHIP comes first above all else.

Hope this helps,

 

Post # 13
Member
1251 posts
Bumble bee

@leisha606:  I think it might be more fair to you if she was bringing him to you instead of you always going to her.

Post # 15
Member
9412 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper

@leisha606:  I feel you owe it to your partner to go with option 2. Tell her you’re sorry but you are putting your relationship first. If you don’t, who will? Maybe he will start to make time with you less of a priority too and that would be terrible. Seriously, don’t let a good guy slip away so you can be used and taken advantage of by your family.

Imagine his smile when you tell him that he comes first and you are spending the weekend with him and keeping your plans 🙂

Post # 16
Member
11772 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: May 2013

Option #1!

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