- 3 years ago
- Wedding: October 2015
And there is stress! It was something he brought up to me a few weeks ago, and her birthday is in June. At first I balked, because as of last year, she seems to not like me anymore. I have no idea why, didn’t even know until last year. However, I decided that this would be a good step in trying to build a relationship with her. She doesn’t have a lot of her friends her age, actually none. She is mostly FB friends with a lot of people. So, the invite list is mostly family, with some long-time family friends coming as well. This party is supposed to be a surprise, and we hope that it stays that way. But, there is may be a problem if she finds out about the party.
About a year ago, my FI had this friend, who was female. I really didn’t like her very much, because it seemed that she had a thing for him. She met his daughter once, and they became friends, since they share the same birthday. (she is not in her 20s either. Close to 50) So, things were difficult for a while, because this woman would call or text my FI constantly, even when he was with me. Finally, he ended the friendship because she made it clear she wanted him for herself. Fine. However, that didn’t sit well with his daughter. She thought that he should not give up his friendship with her over something “so stupid”. She even intimated that FI and this woman would be better together. She would try and get her father to talk to this woman, or have him meet with her (daughter) and this woman would show up. Finally, he told his daughter no more, that he was marrying me and that’s it. She seemed okay with it. She and this woman are friends on FB, and this woman is always telling her “say hi to your mom” (they never met), saying that if she gets a BF that he will get the 3rd degree from her mother, FI and HER! And, she refers to her as her “daughter”! I said something to my FI, and he was upset. He doesn’t like to tell his daughter about stuff though, because she gets depressed and he doesn’t want to hurt her feelings, and she can be friends with this woman, as long as he is not involved. This woman also suffers from depression and mental illness of some sort.
Back to the party: It will be at FI’s apartment. We both fear that if his daughter finds out about this party, she will invite this woman. I know it is her party, but it is FI’s apartment, and I am doing most of the cooking and helping him plan, prep and clean. I want this to be special, but if this woman walk in the door, I don’t know how I will react. I don’t want to A: leave or B: hide in the bedroom all day. But, I don’t want to be uncomfortable either, and neither does he. I am also putting some money into this event, and even want to get her something special. I would hope that she wouldn’t want this woman there with her family around. She adores her aunt, my future SIL, and this woman can be embarrassing and loud. I really thing that their outside friendship is over, and it is just a FB thing, or text thing now. From what my FI says, this woman, as well as a lot of people from his former residence, don’t really leave the building or area unless they have to.
Anyway, I don’t know how I would handle this. I live in NJ, so it is not like I can pick up and leave that easily. It is a new area for me in NY, and I don’t know the subways that well. I would want to be gracious, but I just don’t want to be glaring all night long! It is just a maybe that this woman would be there, but I always worry ahead. I also don’t want my efforts to build a relationship with his daughter to be marred.