Help!! FI And I Are Throwing His Daughter A 21st Bday Party (long)

posted 3 years ago in Relationships
Post # 2
889 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: July 2014

brendaray2009:  honestly, I don’t understand the problem. You’re throwing the party for the daughter, so invite her friends, not the people YOU like. 

this woman had the hots for your FI and made that clear, which wasn’t a very fine move on her part, but it doesn’t sound like she did sth super inappropriate, so I don’t know why you eouls hve to leave or hode when she comes. 

How old are you? Just be polite and talk as little as you have to with her. Same with your FI. But there’s nothing wrong with saying “hi, how are you” to this woman. 

You risk further alienating your future daughter in law if you’re not inviting her. It’s not on you to decide that they’re not really that close if it seems they have quite a good relationship even if they don’t see each other often in real life. 

You don’t need to become best friends with her, just be mature adults and then there shouldn’t be any problems. 

Post # 3
1321 posts
Bumble bee

Unfortunately, when you are involved with someone who has children there will be many times/occassions where you will just have to suck it up and be the bigger person.  Since this is your step-daughter’s Bday party, regardless of whether she found out about it beforehand, she has every right to invite whoever SHE wants and unfortunately for you, you will just have to deal with it.

There is no way around the fact that many times you will just have to turn the other cheek and deal with the drama that comes with a blended family.  If you don’t and instead try to manipulate the situation to your favor like not having this other woman show up, you will get labeled as the mean manipulative step-mother.  

I understand that the situation sucks for you.  I do not know how old you are, but I’m going to assume by your post that you are at least in your middle age and not in your 20s where you’re blindly going into this marriage with heavy immature blinders on.  Given that you have chosen to marry a man who has a grown daughter, this is the bed you will have to lie on and you will just have to accept the baggage he comes with.

Post # 4
906 posts
Busy bee

If you want to have a good relationship with the step daughter then I would suck it up and invite the woman. if you invite this woman, this will show your step daughter that you care about her and consider what she wants and it will show your step daughter that your not a bad person. 

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