Help, FI won't let me buy hostess gift for BM for bridal shower

posted 3 years ago in Etiquette
Post # 2
8294 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: September 2015

I would just write the hosts a nice note after the event. If you give it to them then and there it can’t be as specific.  I don’t think the bride giving gifts is the idea/neccessary at the shower. 

Post # 3
2740 posts
Sugar bee

I’d buy them something anyway. Just being a BM doesn’t obligate them to throw you a shower anyway so that’s different.

Post # 4
4483 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: April 2015

If FI told me I couldn’t use my money to buy a gift for someone, I’d probably laugh and ask if he were serious. Is is absolutely necessary to buy a gift? Well, not really. But, if you want to and have the money, I don’t see why you can’t.

Post # 5
655 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2014 - SPRING VALLEY COUNTRY CLUB

Yeah I don’t like the phrase “He won’t let me” seeing how it’s your OWN money……I say spend it how you please.  He’ll just have to deal

Post # 6
2620 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: June 2012

your money your choice– if you are not working and he is sole breadwinner then thats ALITTLE different.. i would pick up dog walking baby sitting to earn money so i could buy hostess gifts. a nice heartflet card as well.

Post # 7
5223 posts
Bee Keeper

Yeah there will be no letting or not letting me do something with the money either I contribute towards or am soley responsible for.

Keeping that in mind, just use discernment and don’t be extravagant.  Something small is reasonable.

Post # 9
188 posts
Blushing bee

“he won’t let me…” is a ridiculous phrase. especially if it’s your money. sorry, but if you want to do something, you don’t have to ask his permission. he’s not your parent, he’s not your owner. you’re an adult, you don’t need to ask his permission.

Post # 11
1878 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: April 2013 - Valparaiso, IN

Just write a simple note thanking them. We couldn’t afford to buy more than the bridesmaids and groomsmen gifts, so anytime a shower was thrown we would write them a thank you note.

Since you’re getting married, it’s important to start working as a team. and it goes both ways. You both need to talk about things and compromise. Telling him that you’re just going to spend the money anyway isn’t a great idea, especially if you want him to respect and trust you. If you really want to buy the hostess gifts, you need to talk to your FI about it again.

  • This reply was modified 2 years, 6 months ago by  MrsWoods47.
Post # 12
43300 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

The Starbucks card sounds perfect. Most of us know what it’s like to plan on a budget, but a simple hostess gift is a nice touch.

Post # 14
1108 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2015

Your FI won’t let you spend YOUR money?  Run. 

Post # 15
314 posts
Helper bee

You don’t have to give everyone presents. They are helping you because they love you, the only thing you need to give back is a heart-felt “thank you!”


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