Post # 1
Hi! I’m new to this site, but I have been reading up on other threads as I plan my wedding.
First, the disclaimer. I love my soon-to-be-husband with every fiber of my being and I’d marry him if all he had was a dandelion stem to wrap around my finger.
The problem is that my engagement ring looks nothing like an engagement ring. It actually looks like a wedding band. It’s a white gold band with a .08 carat diamond in the center. It’s not a solitaire; the diamond speck actually just fits in with the band itself. My fiance does not make a lot of money, and I don’t really want anything fancy. It’s just not my style at all. He could have spent the same amount of money on another ring that just fit my style better. He was confused because he’s European, and he thought I would only wear this ring until we got married, and then I’d just wear a wedding band. Women in his country don’t wear engagement rings, so he was doing his best to meet my idea of having a ring while not shelling out a huge amount of money on what he thought I’d wear for less than a year.
But I do want to have an engagement ring that I can wear with a wedding band, and looking at this ring everyday makes me sad. Yes, I am ecstatic to have a wonderful man, please don’t harp on me for that. (I’ve read far too many “I hate my engagement ring” blogs where all the comments were how the woman deserved to be dumped.) My love for him and my hate for this ring can co-exist!
My plan is just to forego a wedding ring and keep wearing this ring as the wedding ring itself. I’ve looked at so many rings myself and various websites like amazon. I could save $500 to buy myself something but that kind of seems wrong. He’s also pretty cheap in general and I don’t think he will ever buy me a new ring unless I explicitly asked, which also feels weird to me.
What would you do? Does this ring look like a wedding band to you? How would you cope with a disappointing ring? We’ve been engaged for two months now–I’ve given up on being happy with this ring, but thinking of it as the wedding band has helped me accept it.
Please give me your thoughts! I am most appreciative!
Post # 3
@peaceflower10: if your initial statement was true- that you would marry him with a dandelion stem, I’m not sure how this is an issue…
if you’re being honest with us, a dandelion stem or a band with a smaller diamond simply doesn’t cut it. You know him- we don’t. Would he be hurt if you told him you wanted to use this as your band & get a more typical engagement ring? Europeans are known for having smaller rings, so perhaps he doesn’t know the custom?
edit: just re read the comments about his 1 year expectation. I have an idea for a compromise/solution. Why not get a beautiful blingy band and wear just that after the wedding. You don’t care for this ring and clearly it does not hold sentimental value for him. My gf did that after getting an heirloom she didnt love. She wears this ring that has several very thin bands- it is gorgeous and just her style.
Post # 5
I don’t think it looks like a wedding band at all. Its a shame you’re disappointed with it.
Post # 6
@peaceflower10: I don’t even like bezels so to me, I really dislike the ring.
What is the exact issue you have with the ring? The band? The diamond? The way it is set?
Would something like this make you feel better about it?
If you were to simply use the exact ring he gave you, but have it re-set differently it may go down a little better? 🙂 Plus, you can get some gorgeous enhancers and a little bit of bling on your wedding band to enhance your look!
Post # 7
I’m sorry you aren’t happy with your ring, but congratulations on being engaged!
I am a firm supporter of someone saying what they are feeling, you should be able to communicate with your fiancé and you two can work it out together… Compromise 🙂
the fundamental hasn’t changed — you two are still in love, but you are not in love with the ring situation. I hope he is open minded and willing.
Do not feel bad about wanting an engagement ring, every woman should have a little sparkle!
Post # 8
@peaceflower10: Have you rejected any of his other gifts? How did he take it? If you’re being honest about marrying him with just a dandelion stem, you could simply not wear the ring if the actual ring isn’t important to you.
Post # 9
@peaceflower10: It doesn’t look like a wedding band, just a bezel set with a thicker band. With that said, you should have a frank conversation with him about your culture’s customs and your expectations. I may be in the minority, but I truly believe you should have something you love on your finger, but at the same time, I don’t think the cost of that should fall squarely on the man. Have you looked at moissanite so he doesn’t balk at prices?
And I just want you to know that I actually really like your e-ring! I also understand that you’d like something a bit more traditional, but I think your e-ring would look amazing with a bezel set eternity wedding ring.
Post # 10
The point is the style, not the cost. If he gave me a dandelion stem, I’d be happy with the dandelion stem. The ring is just very sleek and modern-looking, and that’s not my style at all. I told him that I don’t need a diamond. It’s just the one accessory I’m supposed to wear everyday for the rest of my life and it’s just not even similar to what I would have picked.
It’s hard to explain if you’ve never been in this situation yourself.
Post # 11
If you’re just worried that it won’t look good with a band: it will! it would look nice either with a plain or blingy band!
Now if it’s just not your style/taste..that’s different. Since he’s not even expecting you to wear this ring past the engagement, you’re in luck. Just pick the ering of your (within budget) choice to wear as your wedding ring! Contribute a little bit if you have to, and get married with a ring that’s your style.
Post # 12
@peaceflower10: I think you should just tell him you want to change your set (maybe when you get married?). The ring isn’t your style, and it’s not the end of the world. It’s not like your feelings about a piece of jewelry make your relationship less special. Upgrade at the wedding and start your married life with a set that is more your style.
Post # 13
@FutureMrsHallam: Exactly, it’s the style. I really dislike the setting. I found some nice rings that had a different stone and were in a more traditional, solitaire setting that were really gorgeous and much more my style. I don’t really care how small the diamond is; it’s the style and setting of the ring in general. I really like the ones you posted–modest but more traditional. And the problem with this setting, too, is that the enhancers don’t work with it.
Post # 14
You mentioned that this ring isn’t your style, but would your style have broken the bank for him?
I guess it’s also hard for him to understand if engagment rings aren’t part of his culture.
Can you splurge a bit on an engagment ring/wedding band set that you like for your wedding ceremony? Maybe even a somewhat inexpensive set (meaning shop around for a nice set at a good price I guess).
Especially if he thinks you’d only wear this ring for a year, it makes it a little easier to “replace” it after a year (might be hard to do beforehand)
This way you have a ring to look forward to, and can maybe warm up a bit more to your engagment ring in the meantime (because it is less of a “forever” thing).
Post # 15
@peaceflower10: I think you should tell him what’s on your mind. I understand if he wasn’t too aware of e-rings- that’s ok. Don’t let this misunderstanding make you sad though. If you really want an e-ring more your style, discuss it with him. He may be more open and supportive that you are giving him credit for.
Post # 16
@CakeyP: I like this idea!