Post # 1
Last night I got into a fight with my FMIL.
She started saying very rudely how she doesn’t want to sit anywhere near my family (she has only met my mom, aunt, and dad once because I do not live in the same city as my family) at the wedding because she doesn’t know them, and how she could care less to talk to them or get to know them because she will never see them again, and how she doesn’t care about them and only cares about her guests. Oh and how she doesn’t want her seat to be taken over by someone from my side because she doesn’t know them (what she really said was implying that they would steal her purse or camera etc.)
Her tone of voice and the way she was saying things were coming off very offensive which we calmly told her, but she still insisted on going on about it for a really long time, without even letting us get a word in so we could explain ourselves.
I finally had enough and before I knew it I was telling at her telling her to get out of my house, and then I stormed off.
She followed me after a few minutes and told me I was very disrespectful to her. I told her she was very offensive.
After a bit more discussion she eventually left.
Now my question is how should I handle this situation going forward? Should I apologize? What should be my next step?
PS I am 7 months pregnant and did not need this in the least right now.
Post # 3
Do you need to? No.
Should you? Yes.
“Mom I’m sorry I raised my voice at you.” That’s an apology, you’re sorry you yelled, but not for what you said. 🙂 “We’re all going to be family and we need to learn to work things out more civilly.”
If you can’t continue calmly, don’t. Send her an email and explain that you’re excited to be merging your two families and while you don’t expect her and your mother to be best friends from now on, you’d really like for them to at least get to know each other and be able to celebrate the union of your children together since that’s the idea of a wedding.
Post # 4
@Western: Man, this depends on the kind of person your FMIL is.
If she is usually very kind and rational: go with a generic “I’m sorry we had that fight” kind of apology, just to clear the air and move forward.
If she (like my own mother) is always nasty and dramatic: no, do not say you are sorry. My mother lights me up about ridiculous shit all of the time, and I’ll apologize until I’m blue in the face just to end the fight…only to remember getting an apology is a power thing with some people.
So: if she’s usually awesome, be the bigger person. If she’s always a nightmare, end the fight on your end and just ignore her…but don’t say sorry.
Post # 5
wow she sounds very rude… I don’t know what I would do in this situation. I think I’d give the entire first couple rows to your family and have her sit at the back,.. then she can have a nice healthy distance from the people she so rudely said she didn’t want to be near.
If she can’t be friendly and kind,then distance her. I’d tell her my family deserves to enjoy the day without her souring it,and have her sit near the back.
Maybe that’s immature? But I’d make it clear that I’m not giving in or rewarding her behaviour. She sounds childish and selfish. I’d make your family a priority over her if she acts like that. I don’t mean make yours a priority over his…. just FMIL.
I dunno… maybe that is childish? I know that I wouldn’t feel comfortable inviting her to get ready with the girls the day of, or having her participate in showers etc. But that’s just me
Post # 6
Very well said almostmrsj.
Post # 7
ah PP had much better suggestions than me lol. I agree with apologizing for raising your voice but NOT for what you said.
And the rest all depends on your MIL and what kind of woman she is etc etc
Post # 8
Yeah, I agree with everyone else. I would say something along the lines of “I’m sorry I raised my voice at you, but I’m not sorry for what I said. I found it very hurtful when you were saying you wanted nothing to do with my family and implied that they would steal your belongings.”
Depending on how your FMIL is as a person would then determine how to move forward. I would strongly consider seating all your family towards the front and her at the back, saying “Well you didn’t want to be anywhere near them, right?” but that’s just me….
Post # 9
Sometimes it is hard to say sorry, but when it is your FI mom sometimes we have to suck it up for the sake of our spouses. Think how happy it would make your FI if you said sorry.