HELP! FMIL & FSIL trying to ruin our day!

posted 3 years ago in Family
Post # 3
Member
2657 posts
Sugar bee

After reading your story, I don’t see how FMIL and FSIL’s absence would necessarily be a bad thing.  It sounds like they’re pushing everyone’s buttons the wrong way.

You guys are already doing the right things.  Your FI and his brother need to continue communicating with her, but you should absolutely stay firm in your decision.  If there are other extended family members on your side, now is the time to have them reach out to her too.  This is your wedding and if she can’t put up with a seating arrangement for a few hours, that’s her problem.  If she wants to be cruel and unreasonable, she can deal with the consequences.

Post # 6
Member
123 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: September 2013

If you have the space for it, maybe you can have a seat for the brother at both the table with FFIL and the table with FMIL.  He can start off the night with FFIL and then move to the table with FMIL.  Or don’t sit him with either of them at all.

 

 

 

Post # 7
Member
2657 posts
Sugar bee

@gemchic43:  I agree, I think responding could make it worse.  Let your FI handle the communication for now.  He’s her son and he has the best chance of getting through to her.  I hope things work out in the end for you guys.

Post # 8
Member
420 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: November 2013

My response would be “I see, so you are not going to the wedding. That is totally your call, but you are always welcome”

Seriously, you dont need to be nice and reasonable to the crazies. You don’t want them to come and make a scene at your wedding, do you?

Post # 9
Member
292 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: January 2014

@gemchic43:  So sorry you are going through this!  I am going through something similar (FMIL threatening us on her not attending the wedding unless we do ABCD requirements, when it was her who said she is against our marriage and don’t want any part in it back in March when we first got engaged).  My FH always gets nasty voicemails and emails, though I’ve been lucky to not get anything (other than FSIL sending me few rude emails) – probably because FMIL doesn’t know my phone number (haha).

What FH and I have been doing is just let them know what our plan is and let them vent off on their own.  We gave up on convincing them, becaue common sense and logic does not work (and FMIL gives us the whole “I did not know” talk).

What @rand04: sounds like an ideal solution, if your FMIL and FSIL are willing to compromise.  In my and my FH’s case, there is no such thing as “compromise” – it’s the FILs’ way or the highway – so we took the highway.

Good luck!! I feel your pain & stress.

Post # 10
Member
11379 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: April 2012

@gemchic43:  don’t negociate with terrorists!!  jk. 

i would just stop communicating with your fmil.  don’t get the extended family involved.  just let it go. 

give her some time to cool down and think about it to herself.  the more people you get involved, the more allies she may recruit.

seriously, would it be that bad if she doesn’t show up? if she causes this much crap over something so simply, i would be afraid to have her at my wedding.

bottom line:  if she shows up, great.  if she doesn’t show up over something so petty, she will look like the fool.  all of her family will see her true colours.

good luck.

Post # 13
Member
3596 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: April 2013

As far as I’m concerned they aren’t ruining your wedding, if they are realy that crazy I think it would good for them to stay home. It sounds like you didn’t anything and the only thing you can do is support your Fi.I home he would tell them if they aren’t coming that is fine as it’s their choice. Also if bil is on your side have him call mom tell her that we will not sit with her.

 

Post # 14
Member
11379 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: April 2012

@gemchic43:  you’re right, they are embarrassing themselves. 

keep us updated.

Post # 15
Hostess
7630 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: January 2013

Yikes! I wouldn’t get involved in their drama or give in. Not only do they sound crazy about this but you hint that this situation isn’t that far out of their character. What’s going to happen in the future when you can’t visit them for Christmas or something? His mother needs to learn to compromise and communicate in a respectable manner. Negotiating with her or giving in shows her this is how she can get her way. 

Post # 16
Member
11772 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: May 2013

No way would I give in! You give those crazy pople an inch, they take as many miles as they can run away with!

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