HELP! !! FMIL problem

posted 2 years ago in Family
Post # 2
288 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: April 2015

The problem is the FI, not his mother. You can’t do anything about her, but it’s alarming that your partner is taking her side. You need to have a long talk about how this marriage is going to run if only one of you gets to make the decisions. I would at the very LEAST postpone the wedding until you’re on the same team. I would be saying “hell no” to having kids with him.

Post # 3
367 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: August 2016

Wow sounds awful, I know it’s really hard but if you don’t put your foot down then THIS IS how your future life will be. Bit drastic to leave him and I know it’s tough when someone is blinded by love for a parent so you have to tread careful when speaking to him about it. If it was me, next time she tries to put down your idea I’d get visually upset and show her how it makes you feel that you want the day to be perfect etc . . . and that you’ve put a lot of thought into your ideas and that you need her support not critisim as you feel you’ll get enough judgment on the day as the focal point. Surely she’ll be kinder then? Maybe in front of FI so he can see her react.

Post # 4
4760 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: November 1999

The bigger problem is my FI constantly sides with his mom as they are extremely close.


There’s your problem.  But about 98% of the post is about his mom.  Completly irrelevent.  You need to talk about this with your FI and be on the same page.  If he cannot, I think leaving is the best thing.  I had to leave my ex FI because he was such a mother’s boy.

Post # 5
90 posts
Worker bee

First, cease any and all wedding discussions with her right now. Second, it’s time to sit down with your FI and discuss this with him, calmly. Be ready with examples of his behavior, and tell him exavtly how his mother has treated you. YOU should be his number one concern at all times. He should be protecting you and he should always take your side in family disagreements, regardless. Also male it clear that she will have zero influence on your future children’s upbringing or discipline.  If he comes around, great! Then you can do exactly as your FMIL requested, and only send her the invite.

If he can’t/won’t see the issue, I hate to say it, but it might be time to rethink the relationship. 

Post # 6
7030 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

Atalanta:  totally agree. The problem is not your FMIL, the problem is your fiance. He could put an end to this at any time, but he doesn’t.

You need to tell him that you are the #1 woman in his life now, and you and he are a team; which means he needs to stand up for you against his mom. If he won’t, then you should reconsider marrying him.

Post # 7
3016 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: July 2014 - Prague

Totally agreed that you need to have a MAJOR talk with your FI NOW. You don’t have to live like this.

Re: FMIL, you basically have to choices. 1. Let her have input. As in, listen to her suggestions and then don’t do any of them. You have to have balls of steel for that and I wouldn’t be able to handle it. 

2. Tell her thank you for helping you out so much with all the decisions, but now you’re winding up to the final decisions and you and your FI will be making them as a couple, with no input from anyone. You need to have that talk with FI for #2 to work.

And so what if she just gets an invite? That’s all my FMIL is getting. No way would I open the door to having “input” from … well, really anyone. 

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