(Closed) HELP! FMIL toast?

posted 5 years ago in Family
Post # 4
Member
322 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: July 2013

Agreed! No reason for a toast if she’s not in the wedding. Perhaps your future step-son could write a few words about how he feels about the wedding and you could have printed on Moo cards in lieu of a formal toast.

Post # 5
Member
827 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: June 2012

Personally it wouldn’t bother me. My dad didn’t give a speech at our wedding, but if anyone in my DH’s family really wanted to give a speech, I would’ve thought it was sweet and been fine with it. If it would make your FMIL happy to be able to say something at her son’s wedding, then why not let her? It doesn’t mean your father has to do the same.

We didn’t want any speeches at our wedding because I honestly find many speeches make me cringe. However, our BM insisted and it was totally fine- didn’t make or break my wedding day.

Post # 7
Member
3039 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: August 2013

Hold your ground, if she hasn’t helped our or contributed otherwise to the wedding – she shouldn’t be the only one giving a toast. However, a wedding without any toasts at all seems a little strange to me. Could you have another bridesmaid give a speech and read something your FI’s son has written?

Post # 8
Member
2188 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: March 2024

If she hasn’t contributed to the wedding and your dad isn’t giving a speech you need to tell your FI to tell her that there will be NO speeches. She wants the glory of a speech but didn’t do jack shit to help you plan it or contribute. Also giving champagne to just immediate family but not the bridal party & guests is just tacky in my opinion and it’s rude. Tell her NO and tell your DJ to NOT give her a microphone even if she begs.

Post # 10
Member
1710 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: May 2013 - Walt Disney World

If you don’t want any speeches, make it clear to her.  FI should also be on the same page with you, unless he really wants her to speak on his son’s behalf.  

Post # 11
Member
2874 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: March 2013

as a guest i dont care who makes speeches providing they arent too long. i dont think it would be necessarily rude to your father – he has the opportunity but has chosen not to do it. Id probably let her do it to be honest but ask her to keep it short and sweet eg “thanks for coming, a toast to the happy couple”

the champagne only for family/bridal party and whatever for the rest seems a bit rude though

Post # 13
Member
206 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: October 2013

yikes….good luck with her.  If I were you I might try to have someone I trust sneakily proof read her toast (maybe a future in-law) to make sure it isn’t out of line.

Post # 15
Member
396 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: July 2013

Just remember if her toast ends up being something ridiculous, it only makes her look bad and crazy.  I would mentally prepare yourself to not let whatever she says upset your day (though hopefully I am being way overly negative and it’s a lovely speech!)

I would maybe have a discussion with your FI though about your plans for dealing with her in the future.  Just letting her do whatever she wants to keep the peace might not work out so well if you are going to have children…

Post # 16
Member
1797 posts
Buzzing bee

She’s a peach.  I hope you guys don’t live really close to each other since she doesn’t think boundaries apply to her.

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