Post # 1
A good friend of mine who is getting married very, very soon confided in me that she and her FI’s relationship has been deteriorating to the point where she’d been considering at least putting things off– until he called her today and apologized, set on working things out.
What makes this so complicated? Apparently, she’s recently cheated on him with a close friend. She says that they’ve acknowledged it as a mistake, but that she doesn’t know what to do– be honest with her fiance for the sake of reconciliation (and risk delaying/completely calling off the wedding)? Keep it a secret (and live with the guilt for the rest of her life)? Tell him when it’s not such a delicate time?
She’s looking for an answer, and I’m stuck. She seems to love her fiance in spite of everything that’s happened. If she were your friend, what would you tell her?
Post # 3
Whether or not she tells him, she needs to put the wedding off for her own sake and clear her head. She’s not ready to marry this guy. Sleeping with someone else is a pretty big step and one that would jeopardize her relationship. To do so, she must have been having some very serious doubts about her relationship. Those don’t just go away with an apology. I’d advise her to put things on hold and figure out what she really wants.
I would not personally be able to go into a marriage with a secret this big.
Post # 4
There is never a better time than the present to get feelings out there. It will hurt, but it would hurt more knowing it was kept hidden.
Post # 5
I think she should tell him before going through with the wedding. If it’s something they can work through, great, but if, for him, her cheating is a deal breaker, she can’t just go through with the wedding and tell him after. I don’t want to say that’s like trapping him, because that sounds harsh, but that’s sort of what I’m thinking. I couldn’t marry my FI knowing that I held a secret that could completely change our relationship. That’s just my opinion, but honesty is always the best policy and hopfully they can work through their issues. Good luck!
Post # 6
Woah! definitely tell him!
She doesn’t know how he’s going to react; why risk that reaction being AFTER the wedding if it’s especially bad (i.e. “I never should have married you” levels of anger). When coming clean, the sooner it happens, the better. Longer just leads to 1) more lies 2) more guilt 3) more blame/stuff to be made about in the long run.
Post # 7
I agree with others, she needs to come clean. Things weren’t always roses right before we got married, but I never once thought of cheating on him. This is a whole different level. If they can work it out great, but she should not marry him and THEN tell him, that’s just completely wrong. Yes, if he breaks up with her it will hurt, BAD, but it’s better than living with the guilt and the anger later.