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I think you should ask your fiance if it is important to him. Talk to him (and maybe even his family) and find out what some traditions are that they would like to incorporate into the wedding. You may find out that there are certain things that mean alot to them, and some things that they really don't care to include!
Amanda,
Thanks for your input. All good suggestions. My fiance isn't exactly traditional, but his family is very knowledgeable and approachable.
Hi...i'm chinese (and hubby is half) we just got married last weekend and incorporated some chinese and some western traditions. We did the morning tea ceremony (i wore a qua), his family brought over a roast pig, cakes, tons of other stuff, then we went ot his place and repeated - bringing back other stuff. then had a western ceremony and reception with a change into a chinese cheong sam.
Even between my mom, his mom and aunties organizing everything - there was alot of variation in terms of the items brought to the house, the order of tea, when to kneel, when not to kneel, etc. I agree w/ amanda, you should check w/ your fiance and his family to see what's important to them and what's not.
general things....blue and black are not good colors (tho my colors were blue and brown.... i just liked the combo), red and gold are good. Generally speaking white's not a good color either, but nowadays it's acceptable to wear a white dress and have all the white wedding related things around. it's a big no-no to break anything. if you're doing the tea ceremony, make sure you serve the tea and receive the red envelopes with both hands.
I'm sure if you ask his family what traditions they honor, they will be open with you.
Check these out for more info....although it traditionally is a long drawn out process, most of these are shortened or condensed.
http://www.chinabridal.com/etiquette.htm
http://www.chinese-wedding-guide.com/index.html
good luck!
I would definitely take the lead from his family. Your lack of knowledge on the subject is the perfect way to endear yourself to his mom (even more than you already are). She will love walking you through the traditions, and together you can figure out how to best integrate them!
Turtlie, thanks for the in-depth response. One question about avoiding black... I've asked my bridesmaids to wear black dresses. Only one has bought so far. But is this something I should ask her to return? If my fiance and his groomsmen can wear black, is it OK for my bridesmaids to wear black?
Mrs. DG, thank you. Sadly, neither of our mothers is alive. But his Aunt is very involved in his life, and I feel very comfortable approaching her.
i think i read somewhere here that a pregnant BM was bad, red is good and the number 8 is very very lucky
JoesWifey is married to an asian man (not sure if hes chinese though) so maybe she might have some hints later on
I'm sorry about that Eureka. I didn't mean to make an assumption. I'm glad that his aunt is approachable and can help!
I think black bridesmaid dresses are beautiful, but you might want to consult his aunt to see if the older generations will be offended. I would also avoid using white lanterns in decorations as they are usually used in funerals. Also, avoid writing names in red as that is done for the deceased. My family is very superstitious so there are certain things they do not want me to do, for example:
-wearing white in my hair (aside from the veil) since wearing white headpieces usually signifies mourning for the deceased.
-we couldn't get married in the lunar months of July, there is some ghost holiday (7/14) where the doors to hell open, or April, because of the Ching Ming Festival. Nor could we get married in the lunar months that fall on our parents' birthdays (something about bad luck).
-Have invitations with a background that is all white. They want to incorporate red and gold into the background.
-invite women that are pregnant, invite people that have recently experienced a death in the family, or invite people that are getting married around our date.
We also *had* to invite children to our wedding, even though our wedding will be western, since children are always welcomed to Chinese weddings and their parents would be offended. As a result we will have 20 children at our wedding 
I'm Chinese and my husband is half Chinese/half Caucasian. Like other posters have said, it depends on how traditional and/or superstitious his family is. In my case, neither set of parents (nor DH's Chinese grandparents) were particularly concerned with traditions like lucky numbers (8 is good, 4 is bad) or dis/allowing guests who've recently had a death in the family. I didn't change into a qua or cheongsam for the reception, but we did do a streamlined version of the tea ceremony after the cake cutting.
I would say the biggest thing to keep in mind is just showing respect for your FI's parents and other elders of the family. It sounds old-fashioned, but even my parents, who have been in the U.S. for 30+ years and are pretty well assimilated, still hold these cultural norms very dearly. One example of this is making sure you address your FI's parents respectfully. My mom, for example, doesn't like younger folks calling her by her first name.
Eloping, thanks for responding.
Violet, thanks for your response. I will consult his Aunt, and I can chat more casually with some of our Chinese friends. But I did want to get a preliminary "cultural education" ahead of time.
To address your other points...
I've been eyeing a white gardenia I found at Etsy.com, though maybe I should reconsider that.
Is it that you shouldn't invite women who are pregnant, or just women who give birth around the wedding date? One of our close friends is pregnant. Though, she'll have delivered by the time our invitations go out.
Also, one of my fiance's cousins is planning a destination wedding for some time around our wedding, though they aren't having their formal wedding reception until June. This is the son of my fiance's Aunt, so perhaps I can ask her how she feels about that particular custom. If she's OK with it, should I be OK with it?
Hellopanda,
Thanks so much for your response and your thoughts. If I had any clue how useful this thread would be, I probably would have posted it much sooner.
My fiance's mother is no longer alive. Nor is mine, and my hope was to somehow incorporate their presence into the ceremony, maybe with a prayer or a reading or something like that. Do you think that would be inappropriate? I'll check with his family. If it is inappropriate, I can always honor my own mother in a quiet, private way...
So, I have his father whom I can consult, and I have a very nice relationship with him. I can also consult his Aunt and Uncle on his father's side, and an Aunt who was his mother's sister, and also his mother's mother. His father's mother is 100, the oldest member of his family. I can consult her, too, though I'd need some help with translation.
I do like the idea of the tea ceremony at the reception. I may look into that... Would there be any problem with having it after the actual ceremony? Or maybe even during?
I would definitely ask his father whether or not there are traditions that he would like to adhere to
Hi Eureka, I would show his aunt a picture of the gardenia to see if it'd be okay for you to wear it for the wedding. Some families aren't as superstitious as others... If his aunt gives you the green light to wear it then by all means :) I think I'll be able to work around some of the superstitions. For example, my mom said I could wear a white flower is there are hints of red or pink in it.
Also, there are different customs in different parts of the country so what I have listed are common in the Guangdong providence.
The superstition about pregnant women is that you should not have anyone carrying a child in their womb at the wedding. Something about the luck clashing and one person will steal the other person's luck. Again, this might be something your fiance's family does not observe. Since your friend will have delivered by the time you wedding rolls around I think it'll be fine.
I would consult your fiance's aunt about the cousin with the destination wedding. You should be okay if she's okay with inviting them :)
Good luck with the planning! It's really great that you are being proactive about learning the culture. I hope you'll find this board useful! Update us on what customs you ultimately decide to go with.
There is a ton of information online (on here as well!) Perhaps you can make a list of all the ones that interest you and then ask them if they think you should add or take anything out! And definitely talk to your future sister in law! You don't have to do all the same things at your wedding, but I'm sure she can give a few good tips :)
I think it'd be very cute if you did the red dress at the reception! :)
lots of good details already posted. definitely ask your fi and his family for guidance as customs can vary. maybe sit down/ have a conversation with them and figure out which ones are of importance /not to them so you can respect accordingly.
the tea ceremony is a big part of it. typically the bride changes at least 1x either during the reception or in the course of the day. traditional attire is the cheongsam or qua (depending on your preference, and to some extent, which part of china he's from). nowadays brides also wear the white western gown and then change into a chinese outfit as an alternative (that's what i'm doing)
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red and gold are HUGE. they're traditional good luck colors.
i agree, black and navy blue are bad luck - funeral colors.. as is white in your hair (tho i'm wearing a soft white veil, none of my other hair accessories can be white). if you really want your bms to wear black dresses, make sure they have colored shoes, accessories, flowers, etc. - preferably brightly colored. for some reason tho, it's ok for men to wear black / dark suits - tho i guess it's preferable that they have a boutoniere or colored tie as well. head to toe black would definitely be a no no. if in doubt, use black, white and navy blue sparingly.
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tea ceremony is usually a family affair but we're having a fusion ceremony and are incorporating it into the exchange of vows - so we'll have a little audience for ours. we thought it was a nice way to bring everything together. my parents haven't said anything against it.
ohhh....auspicious dates.....not sure if you have a date set yet, but that's another big chinese one....his aunt/grandmother should have mentioned this already if it's something they adhere to. There's a book and you look at you and fiance's birthdays to choose a good date. and getting married the same month....my cousin set his october date and we had to either be a month ahead or a month behind or we couldn't go to each other's weddings.
for the tea ceremony....many people have a western ceremony and then do the tea ceremony at the hotel or a room in the venue before the reception or vice versa, do the tea ceremony then the western ceremony.....again, with many mixed marriages, you wouldn't be expected to know what to do, what to provide, i would ask his family if they are interested. I've also seen some people do the tea cereomy on "stage" during the reception. (honestly the tea ceremony is less a ceremony than a sign of respect and truly the giving of tea to your elders) some brides stay in their white wedding gown for everything, some change. it's all preference and what's do-able for you.
love to hear what things you end up incorporating into your wedding!
Thank you so much for all of these wonderful responses. I am so grateful!
NYBride09, can you tell me about your fusion tea ceremony?
I did have a conversation with my fiance's father over the weekend. I asked him if there were any traditions that were important to him that we should include in our ceremony. He didn't really have any suggestions, though he did say that in traditional Chinese weddings, the bride usually changes into the red dress. He followed that with, "But that would not be appropriate in this case." So, that idea is out. :)
On the other points, we're going to speak with his aunt tonight. Oh, and I spoke with the one bridesmaid who had ordered her black dress, and she was able to return it. We've opted instead for red dresses.
Many thanks again.
in re: black dress...both of us are chinese...my bms' wore black, i loveee simplicity LOL, my suggestion is to talk to his family and see what they want, being "traditional" doesn't run with every chinese family, it's best to get information directly from them
Chocobritt, I'm getting the sense that his family isn't very traditional. I spoke with his Aunt yesterday and the best advice she gave me was not to register for any clocks!
oh i forgot about that - no clocks or hankies for gifts - ever!!
i'm curious to know why your ffil thought it was inappropriate for you to change into a red dress?
for our "fusion ceremony", instead of having a regular exchange of vows and a separate tea ceremony, we're doing a v. short processional (since we don't have a formal bridal party), no readings, an exchange of vows and rings, then transitioning directly into a tea ceremony. our officiant will explain the importance of the tea ceremony while we're changing the set up. and then we'll have the tea ceremony in full sight of all our guests. we won't be announced as mr and mrs x until the whole tea ceremony is over, at which point, we'll lead everyone out to cocktail hour.
we expect the whole thing to take 30 minutes so it's an abbreviated version of both i guess. traditionally the tea ceremony took place in 2 separate locations - at each of the family's homes.
we are also having the bride's family go 1st in the tea ceremony since my fi's family won't know what a tea ceremony is having never seen one. (btw if you're curious, there are videos on youtube).
any other questions, pls pm me.
NYBride,
I don't know why my FFIL suggested changing would be inappropriate, but he acutually did use the words "not appropriate." I assume because I'm not Chinese and this isn't a traditional Chinese wedding. His oldest son also married a white woman, and their wedding was almost exclusively western, save that half of the guests were Chinese and that the double happiness symbol she stamped on the OOT bags. Aside from that, it looked like a western wedding.
I do like the idea of a short-ish tea ceremony during the ceremony. I saw some clips on YouTube and it looks so special... envisioning that at my own wedding made me a little bit weepy...
I am caucasian marrying a Chinese guy with a huge family. Some of his family is traditional, but he is not. Here are the ways we're incorporating his culture (in no particular order):
1. Tea ceremony. During the reception in a small room. I'll change into the red dress and we'll serve tea (in a borrowed teaset with dragons and double happiness symbols on it) to his elders, oldest to youngest. Then my family, although they are not Chinese. My sister/MOH is not allowed to observe because she is not older than we are. After the tea ceremony we'll cut the cake and finish the evening in my red dress.
2. Rehearsal dinner: having it in a Chinese restaurant
3. His brother and SIL are going to pray to deceased relatives so that we will have good weather on our wedding date. I think this involves food at the cemetery somehow.
4. His parents think it is very important that their names are listed on the invitation.
5. I have to call his parents "Mr. and Mrs. Lastname" until we are married.
6. I am wearing a white flower in my hair, nobody has said anything about that.
7. We couldn't get married on the 4th because of bad luck though it would have worked out better logistically, so we settled on the 17th.
being Chinese..and my SO is also chinese..our families have differeing traditions and superstitions due to coming from different villages and provinces. I would just take pointers and direction from your FIL and ask what they would like to incorporate.
What we are doing is asking both sets of parents for what they would like to see, but with the undrestanding that ultimately we will be making the decision. Alot of these traditions are not cheap. some of them are quite fun though. I'm looking forward to the door games, where the groom comes to "call" his bride and must pass a series of tests (recite poems, sing songs, tell jokes, etc) before my gals and family will let him in =P
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Gauging by the title, you can probably guess that I'm white. My fiance is Chinese. His parents were born in China, and he and his brother were born in the US.
I should also say that my fiance's older brother is married to a white woman. Nobody else in the family has married outside of the culture, though one cousin married a Korean woman and another married a Japanese woman. But my fiance and his brother are the first ones to marry outside of the race entirely, and from where I'm sitting, the family has been very welcoming of my future sister-in-law and myself.
Now, my question has to do with integrating my fiance's Chinese culture into our wedding. Are there traditions I should be mindful of? Are there things I should do, or avoid doing? I just learned about wearing blue (or not wearing blue), and I'm very interested in learning more.
Many thanks!