Can someone please explain...
more by Ms. MoxieMonkey
Gershon Fox Ballroom in Hartford, CT?
Are We Invited or Not?
more in Etiquette
Flower Girl as Ring Bearer?
Dress / Changing the train and sleeves
more in Boards
It's amazing how it all adds up!!! Help!

Help! Friend just lost their spouse...how to address invite?

posted 1 year ago in Etiquette
  •  
    1.
    Member
    318 posts
    Helper bee
    Ms. MoxieMonkey       Los Angeles

    Hi Hive,

    So, I'm asking this for a bride who is not on The Bee (despite my persistence).

    Our friend, Brian, recently lost his wife to cancer. She just passed last month after a very quick battle with the disease.

    We're not sure how to address the invitation.  Inviting Brian with a guest seems callous and potentially insulting. Inviting him alone seems sad and well, I don't know.

    What do you think?

    I mean, he will probably come alone. 

    Apologies if this seems like a stupid question. 

     

     
    2.
    Member
    1,992 posts
    Buzzing bee
    Moose1209       Nashville, TN

    Does Brian know a lot of other people at the wedding?  If so.. just address it to him.  If he doesn't know anyone.. I would suggest giving him a guest.  And then following up with a phone call that you know he's going through a really hard time and you just wanted him to have the option of bringing along someone he knows (even just a buddy of his).

     
    3.
    Member
    241 posts
    Helper bee
    rachelm1083    August 20, 2010   Chicago, IL

    My FI had a cousin who recently lost his wife as well. We invited him with a guest. He RSVP'd only for himself. I felt weird doing it, but my FMIL and FI told me to do it that way, so I did. I don't know whats right here, just letting you know how we handled it.

     
    4.
    Member
    4,267 posts
    Honey bee
    roxy821    August 21, 2010  

    Hmmm... this is a tough one. I would invite him with a guest just in case he would like to bring a friends, siblings, etc. for moral support. But if the bride is close with Brian then she should probably talk to him personally and explain that she invited him with a guest because she wanted him to know that he could bring someone if he would feel more comfortable but not in any way to imply that the bride forgot about his late wife.

     
    5.
    Member
    8,947 posts
    Buzzing
    Beekeeper
    bells    June 26, 2011  

    yeah i would add a guest, that way it is his option. even though his spouse has passed, that doesnt mean he doesnt have any other person he can bring with him

     
    6.
    Member Icon
    Member
    89 posts
    Worker bee
    starrynight    August 30, 2010  

    Honestly?  I would invite him alone, and follow up with a phone call saying he's more than welcome to bring someone with him.  Addressing it to "and guest" just makes it very obvious that there should be another name there and isn't.

     
    7.
    Member Icon
    Member
    1,523 posts
    Bumble bee
    Allyser    September 1, 2010  

    Im with @starrynight. A phone call after the invites go out to let him know he can bring a guest is a good idea and then just have his name on the actual invitation 

     
    8.
    Member Icon
    Member
    351 posts
    Helper bee
    eupenmalmody    September 5, 2010   Living in NYC - getting married in Philadelphia

    I agree with Starrynight. My Aunt's husband just passed tragically in a motorcycle accident. We quickly changed her invitation to be just for her - but called to let her know she was welcome to bring someone. I wouldn't give the & Guest on the invite.

     
    9.
    Member
    3,044 posts
    Sugar bee
    camrie    September 5, 2010   Louisville

    Definitely think "And Guest" could be hurtful to someone who's just lost their spouse (since it would be a reminder she's not there). I'd just address it to him.

     
    10.
    Member
    8,542 posts
    Bumble
    Beekeeper
    noritake22    March 31, 2011   Seattle

    You still have quite a bit of time before you need to send the invitations out. I would give it a year and then talk to him and ask him if he would like to bring a guest at that time. Right now, he is still hurting, so your wedding is probably the last thing he wants to think about.

     
    11.
    Member Icon
    Member
    1,625 posts
    Bumble bee
    Georgia Bee    October 9, 2010   Atlanta

    I agree with a lot of folks. If there is a significant amount of time before the wedding, just wait and see how he feels.  If it is soon, just address it to him and let him know he is welcome to bring a guest (even if it's a drinking buddy).

    My FMIL has the same situation. We are addressing the invite to the husband and his two adult, single children.  We normally wouldn't have invited his kids but under the circumstances...

    Your friend probably wants to celebrate the wedding, but going to a function like that so soon after losing a spouse is really painful...

     
    12.
    Member
    318 posts
    Helper bee
    Ms. MoxieMonkey       Los Angeles

    Hi ladies!

    Thank you for all the responses.  It's actually not for my wedding, it's for my friend Ellie (who is getting married Thanksgiving weekend of this year).  We were addressing her STD's and this topic came up about Brian.

    She decided to invite him alone, but then call him, as you guys suggested.  We're all very close, and it's not like he'll have to sit with people he doesn't know at the wedding, but...

    Either way feels wrong, but inviting him alone and then calling him seems a little less wrong - at least to Ellie.

    Thanks Hive! You're the best!

     

    Reply

    You must log in to post.





    Visit our sister sites eHarmony
    Online Dating
    eHarmony Advice
    Dating Advice
    Project Wedding
    Wedding Songs
    JustMommies
    Pregnancy Calendar
    Copyright 2004-2012, Weddingbee.com
     

    Find your vendors on Weddingbee

    Real reviews from brides in your area!

    Favors by Weddingbee

    • Favors by season

    Shop Now ยป

    Find Registry Find Registry Find Registry

    More
    User Posts Today
    Lyndzo 46
    AshleyR83 24
    rebwana 24
    mypinkshoes 23
    Ms. Salamander 23
    beargoose 22
    kat2014 22
    his chippymunk 21
    funkymunky85 21
    Cady 21

    Etiquette

    User Posts Today
    violet25 3
    jules28 3
    simpleandchic 2
    AshleyR83 2
    rebwana 2
    TwoCityBride 2
    aspasia475 1
    Cornflakegirl 1
    angela85 1
    AlliRae 1
    More