Post # 1
So, I’m asking this for a bride who is not on The Bee (despite my persistence).
Our friend, Brian, recently lost his wife to cancer. She just passed last month after a very quick battle with the disease.
We’re not sure how to address the invitation. Inviting Brian with a guest seems callous and potentially insulting. Inviting him alone seems sad and well, I don’t know.
What do you think?
I mean, he will probably come alone.
Apologies if this seems like a stupid question.
Post # 3
Does Brian know a lot of other people at the wedding? If so.. just address it to him. If he doesn’t know anyone.. I would suggest giving him a guest. And then following up with a phone call that you know he’s going through a really hard time and you just wanted him to have the option of bringing along someone he knows (even just a buddy of his).
Post # 4
My FI had a cousin who recently lost his wife as well. We invited him with a guest. He RSVP’d only for himself. I felt weird doing it, but my FMIL and FI told me to do it that way, so I did. I don’t know whats right here, just letting you know how we handled it.
Post # 5
Hmmm… this is a tough one. I would invite him with a guest just in case he would like to bring a friends, siblings, etc. for moral support. But if the bride is close with Brian then she should probably talk to him personally and explain that she invited him with a guest because she wanted him to know that he could bring someone if he would feel more comfortable but not in any way to imply that the bride forgot about his late wife.
Post # 6
yeah i would add a guest, that way it is his option. even though his spouse has passed, that doesnt mean he doesnt have any other person he can bring with him
Post # 7
Honestly? I would invite him alone, and follow up with a phone call saying he’s more than welcome to bring someone with him. Addressing it to “and guest” just makes it very obvious that there should be another name there and isn’t.
Post # 8
Im with @starrynight. A phone call after the invites go out to let him know he can bring a guest is a good idea and then just have his name on the actual invitation
Post # 9
I agree with Starrynight. My Aunt’s husband just passed tragically in a motorcycle accident. We quickly changed her invitation to be just for her – but called to let her know she was welcome to bring someone. I wouldn’t give the & Guest on the invite.
Post # 10
Definitely think “And Guest” could be hurtful to someone who’s just lost their spouse (since it would be a reminder she’s not there). I’d just address it to him.
Post # 11
You still have quite a bit of time before you need to send the invitations out. I would give it a year and then talk to him and ask him if he would like to bring a guest at that time. Right now, he is still hurting, so your wedding is probably the last thing he wants to think about.
Post # 12
I agree with a lot of folks. If there is a significant amount of time before the wedding, just wait and see how he feels. If it is soon, just address it to him and let him know he is welcome to bring a guest (even if it’s a drinking buddy).
My FMIL has the same situation. We are addressing the invite to the husband and his two adult, single children. We normally wouldn’t have invited his kids but under the circumstances…
Your friend probably wants to celebrate the wedding, but going to a function like that so soon after losing a spouse is really painful…
Post # 13
Thank you for all the responses. It’s actually not for my wedding, it’s for my friend Ellie (who is getting married Thanksgiving weekend of this year). We were addressing her STD’s and this topic came up about Brian.
She decided to invite him alone, but then call him, as you guys suggested. We’re all very close, and it’s not like he’ll have to sit with people he doesn’t know at the wedding, but…
Either way feels wrong, but inviting him alone and then calling him seems a little less wrong – at least to Ellie.
Thanks Hive! You’re the best!