Post # 1
So my venue (of course) is quite pricey and becoming pricer with every decision! When first creating our guest list my parents and I decided we would not include children outside of immediate family (my nieces and nephews who are flower girls/ring bearers) and if a significant amount of people sounded like they wouldn’t be able to attend after save the dates went out, then we would consider inviting children. Well long story short my mother overheard a friends daughter saying she had bought special shoes for my wedding – and now my mom feels terrible not inviting children. She feels strongly that it would cause hurt feelings. I’m not sure what to do! I don’t want to hurt feelings, but allowing children would open the door to up to 18 children! We get a minimal discount for children (like $10-$15 less than an adult), but my parents have said they are willing to pay it. I’m also nervous about having that many children at my wedding! I love kids, but that just seems like a lot! They would all be under the age of 10, with all but 2 of them under the age of 7. Thoughts?!
Post # 2
For me, I would not be offended if my kids were not invited.
However, I know other people, especially when it comes to family, may be upset if some kids are invited but theirs are not. I think you need to invite all or none.
If your parents are willing to cover the extra cost, that is great, if you are open to the idea of kids.
There is always the possibility of kids being silly and obnoxious at the ceremony or reception…you just need to consider if you’ll be able to allow that not to bother you, or if it would be mortifying.
Post # 3
amf9201: You are entitled to have the wedding you want. If that is a child free wedding (other than the attendants). so be it. Just because you have children in the wedding party does not mean you need to invite all the other children.
I am never offended at an invitation that does not include my children. Frankly, I don’t understand those parents who get their knickers in a knot when children are not invited to a wedding. There are many social events that are not appropriate for children and adults are entitled to some child free time in their life.
I don’t invite children to most of my dinner parties, and neither do my friends. When we want to include the children, we plan something more appropriate.
Do not feel guilty for one moment over the mom buying special shoes for her daughter for the wedding. It’s no different than if the mom had purchased a special dress for herself in the absence of an invitation. No one should assume they are invited to anything.
There will always be parents who simply cannot be separated from their children. That is their right and their choice, even if it means they decline the invitation.
ps Nursing babies are usually an exception.
Post # 4
I’ll second what urchin said with a caveat: if you’re inviting kids, you should invite everyone’s kids… except we’re not following our own advice. FI’s brothers are his groomsmens and two of the three have kids (FI’s neices) so we made the executive decision to just invite them. FI has aunts with kids and I have cousins with kids, but none of them are as close to us in terms of our family relationships that we would specifically want them there.
To be fair, though, I did ask my cousins how they would feel if their kids weren’t invited; they said it was fine, because then they’d be able to have a night off, hahah.
Post # 5
- Wedding: October 2011 - Bed & Breakfast
It’s fine to have logical cut-offs (e.g. only immediate family, only 16+ years old, only bridal party kids, etc.), as long as you enforce the cutoff equally. If anyone is traveling, they may get an exception because they would not have access to a trusted sitter at your wedding location. But if your guests are local to the wedding site, that’s not really an issue.
Post # 6
If your parents are willing to pay the increased costs (I’m assuming they are contributing significantly to the wedding overall) you may want to consider extending the invites to everyone’s children, and hiring a couple of nannies/babysitters to be in charge of entertaining and supervising the kids. It’s best to seat little ones with their parents for dinner, but after that, an “activity area” is pretty easy to set up in almost any space, and keeping the kids entertained is the easiest way to keep them out of misbehaving.
Post # 7
I would absolutely not be offended if my two kids aren’t invited. In fact, I would want the break.lol
Post # 8
I have two kids that don’t get invited to most weddings- and I am never offended. Have the wedding you want to have.
Post # 9
amf9201: honestly, sometimes I get irritated, and I know a few other people who do as well.
This is in part because some people can’t find a sitter, and even worse is when the wedding is out of town. Both my parents have businesses to run and so often expecting grandparents to take the kids is also a presumptuous. There have been weddings that are impossible to attend because we haven’t been able to “get rid of the kids”.
Second, my FI works crazy hours and so family time is pretty rare. I don’t like excluding our kids when he finally is home.
Anyway, that’s my two cents. Regardless of that, do what works for you. I think when it comes down to weddings, you just can’t please everyone and it’s your day! 🙂
Post # 10
I wouldn’t be offended because I understand the reasons for a child-free wedding. But I probably wouldn’t attend because it’s hard for me to get childcare in the evenings. I definitely wouldn’t attend if it was an out-of-town wedding.
Post # 11
not at all. in fact quite relieved. Its an excuse to go out and have a kid free date night with my man. 🙂 some people might, but most people would be very understanding. My kids are still very young, quite busy and very active. They are absolutley not take to a formal wedding material so even if they were invited i would leave them with a sitter or family for the night.
Having your kids in a formal environment designed for adults while people are drinking and expecting them to behave perfectly for hours on end with little to do for them and trying to avoid death eyes from jugemental guests to is really hard work and by no means enjoyable.
Post # 12
I’m a mother and I’ve never been offended at my kids not being invited. Even when it was my own brother’s wedding, I reasoned it was his wedding and I went along with it. (In his case, his wife was from a large family, and inviting kids meant inviting a lot of kids).
I agree it is ok to limit it to nieces and nephews, so long as you are consistent (i.e. invite all nieces and nephews of the bride and groom). It’s also ok to make exceptions for very young infants, because (a) breastfeeding makes babysitting very difficult, (b) you don’t pay anything for them, and (c) they dont run around and change the mood of the wedding.
Post # 13
amf9201: I wouldn’t be offended but rather appreciative for the night off 😉
Post # 14
amf9201: It depends a good friend no not offended. If it was family you bet I would be offended. My child is family just as much as anyone else. That is just how it is in our family children are included.
Post # 15
I’m a mother and I’m not inviting children under 16 excent for the junior bridesmaid (FI’s cousin), our daughter, and our good friends who are in the wedding, their daughter. Otherwise, it is 16+.
We made this decision beause of cost and not wanting a lot of little kids all around with free flowing alcohol.
I’m absolutely fine with not having my daughter invited. She’s a handful and I don’t think weddings are generally places for kids.
So, if cost is your only reason and your parents are willing to pay, then go for it. If you don’t want them there, then stand by your decision.