Help! Future MIL doesn't like my bridesmaid choices

posted 2 years ago in Family
Post # 2
Member
1749 posts
Bumble bee

Is she paying for the wedding? If not, she doesn’t get a say in who goes where. 

If you want this to stop, your fiancée needs to talk to his mom and say, “This is how it’s going to be”. Anytime it she brings it up, nod and smile and ignore her, or just repeat “This is what we’ve chosen. This is how it’s going to be”, or something to that effect. 

I see why she doesn’t like the arrangement, but it’s not her wedding, so it’s not her choice to make. 

Post # 3
Member
373 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: June 2015

YOUR wedding, YOUR choices. FMIL needs to butt out and let your bridal party be made up of whoever you choose.

Unless she’s footing the bill, she needs to be shutting the mouth.

Post # 4
Member
408 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: November 2013

jessicamullersdayoff:  Truly, I read your title and thought to myself, “Who cares?”.  It’s your wedding, not hers. Tell her you appreciate the opinion but you are going to have your friend stand with you and you’d appreciate not talking about it again. Arranged marriages used to be normal. Times change.

Post # 5
Member
7211 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2015

jessicamullersdayoff:  tell her thanks for the input,you’ve considered it, you’re not changing your mind, and the subject needs to be dropped now.

 

if she brings it up again, just tell her that topic has been closed. 

Post # 6
Member
2164 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: September 2013

It’s 2014.  No one will think anything about a man on your side.  

It’s your wedding and your bridal party.  She doesn’t get a say.  

Post # 7
Member
11 posts
Newbee

He is your friend and it is an honor for him to be in your wedding.  Her excuse that  she is worried about what ‘old people” will think is just that, an excuse.  Older people are more wise, accepting and understanding than we think.  Have your fiancé stick up for you, as well as you telling her it’s your choice!  Good luck!

Post # 9
Member
157 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: August 2016

jessicamullersdayoff:  I also am considering having my best friend (a guy) be my Dude of Honor at my wedding — I’m not engaged yet, still waiting — and am anticipating the same backlash. FMIL needs to know that it isn’t her choice so maybe try explaining to her that times have changed and there is no reason your wedding has to be traditional and old-fashioned. In this day and age, it is perfectly acceptable to choose whoever you want to stand up for you at your wedding, regardless of if they identify as male, female, or anything else. Hopefully she will be able to understand the generational difference. Best of luck to you, let us know how this goes!

Post # 10
Member
721 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: February 2015

Some of these FMILs never cease to amaze me with how they think it’d be a great idea to start off the new chapter of a relationship with their FDIL by being rude. 

And to answer your question. Who the eff cares what she thinks? It’s your bridal party. 

Post # 13
Member
1136 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: March 2015

jessicamullersdayoff:  It’s not her decision. It’s your bridal party, she really doesn’t get a say! Who cares what people think anyway, if it’s what you want then go for it!

My advice would be to stick to your guns and not let her think she can dictate everything in your life.. it starts with small things but can snowball so quickly! If you’re still quite a way off from your wedding you may find these little things pop up more and more so nip it in the bud early!

Good luck! Make you and your FI the priority, it’s your day and it should be your version of perfect 🙂

Post # 14
Member
347 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: October 2014

my MIL has been trying to force her niece’s daughter on us as a bridesmaid since day 1, and has also said to my FI that she ‘hates’ one of my bridesmaids (despite meeting her just once, and now denies ever having said that!)

If she’s not paying for the bridesmaids etc. then go with what you want! It’s your day, and you should have those you love most with you x

Post # 15
Member
3707 posts
Sugar bee

 

jessicamullersdayoff:  Why don’t you toy with her and state “James is going gown shopping with us. I hope he finds one that he likes, since he’ll be wearing one, too.” And be ready to catch her, when she faints.

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