Post # 1
Hello all! This is my first post on here but I have been silently browsing for a while 🙂 so here is my issue. My fiancé and I have been engaged since Christmas 2013, and aren’t getting married until 2016 since I am still in school to get my degree in teaching. I have been very open about the fact that my best friend James will be one of my bridesmaids, and that my fiance’s sister will be standing in on his side since I am not very close with her. My future MIL has mentioned a few times to me and more recently to my fiancé and she doesn’t think James should be on my side because ‘what the older people at the wedding will think, it would look better if all the men are on one side and women on the other,’ blah blah blah. My family knows that James will be on my side and hasn’t even batted an eyelash at it, so I’m not sure why she cares so much? I’m just feeling frustrated because it keeps being brought up.
Any input would be appreciated!
Post # 2
Is she paying for the wedding? If not, she doesn’t get a say in who goes where.
If you want this to stop, your fiancée needs to talk to his mom and say, “This is how it’s going to be”. Anytime it she brings it up, nod and smile and ignore her, or just repeat “This is what we’ve chosen. This is how it’s going to be”, or something to that effect.
I see why she doesn’t like the arrangement, but it’s not her wedding, so it’s not her choice to make.
Post # 3
YOUR wedding, YOUR choices. FMIL needs to butt out and let your bridal party be made up of whoever you choose.
Unless she’s footing the bill, she needs to be shutting the mouth.
Post # 4
jessicamullersdayoff: Truly, I read your title and thought to myself, “Who cares?”. It’s your wedding, not hers. Tell her you appreciate the opinion but you are going to have your friend stand with you and you’d appreciate not talking about it again. Arranged marriages used to be normal. Times change.
Post # 5
jessicamullersdayoff: tell her thanks for the input,you’ve considered it, you’re not changing your mind, and the subject needs to be dropped now.
if she brings it up again, just tell her that topic has been closed.
Post # 6
It’s 2014. No one will think anything about a man on your side.
It’s your wedding and your bridal party. She doesn’t get a say.
Post # 7
He is your friend and it is an honor for him to be in your wedding. Her excuse that she is worried about what ‘old people” will think is just that, an excuse. Older people are more wise, accepting and understanding than we think. Have your fiancé stick up for you, as well as you telling her it’s your choice! Good luck!
Post # 8
MoonAndStars: This times 1000.
Post # 9
jessicamullersdayoff: I also am considering having my best friend (a guy) be my Dude of Honor at my wedding — I’m not engaged yet, still waiting — and am anticipating the same backlash. FMIL needs to know that it isn’t her choice so maybe try explaining to her that times have changed and there is no reason your wedding has to be traditional and old-fashioned. In this day and age, it is perfectly acceptable to choose whoever you want to stand up for you at your wedding, regardless of if they identify as male, female, or anything else. Hopefully she will be able to understand the generational difference. Best of luck to you, let us know how this goes!
Post # 10
Some of these FMILs never cease to amaze me with how they think it’d be a great idea to start off the new chapter of a relationship with their FDIL by being rude.
And to answer your question. Who the eff cares what she thinks? It’s your bridal party.
Post # 11
OMGMrsW2B: exactly what I’ve been thinking! It’s MY wedding party, and I want my best friend by my side. I think part of it is that maybe she wants her daughter on my side instead of my fiances, but his sister didn’t even acknowledge my existance until 3 YEARS into our relationship. (Another story for another post).
To all, she is paying nothing of the bill, and my fiancé and I are paying for almost everything ourselves. That’s why it makes me so mad that she thinks she has an input. My fiancé has told her that the choice is already made and we are happy with our choice, but she keeps bringing it up.
Post # 12
FutureMRS3lastnames: I keep telling myself that it’s none of her business, but the fact that this keeps being brought up with ‘good intentions’ is starting to get on my nerves. It’s 2014, and it’s 100% my choice who is in my wedding party. Her other argument is that the focus will be on him and not on me. Excuse me FMIL, but if the attention is on anything but my future hubs and I during our ceremony, then we have the wrong friends and family attending.
Post # 13
jessicamullersdayoff: It’s not her decision. It’s your bridal party, she really doesn’t get a say! Who cares what people think anyway, if it’s what you want then go for it!
My advice would be to stick to your guns and not let her think she can dictate everything in your life.. it starts with small things but can snowball so quickly! If you’re still quite a way off from your wedding you may find these little things pop up more and more so nip it in the bud early!
Good luck! Make you and your FI the priority, it’s your day and it should be your version of perfect 🙂
Post # 14
my MIL has been trying to force her niece’s daughter on us as a bridesmaid since day 1, and has also said to my FI that she ‘hates’ one of my bridesmaids (despite meeting her just once, and now denies ever having said that!)
If she’s not paying for the bridesmaids etc. then go with what you want! It’s your day, and you should have those you love most with you x
Post # 15
jessicamullersdayoff: Why don’t you toy with her and state “James is going gown shopping with us. I hope he finds one that he likes, since he’ll be wearing one, too.” And be ready to catch her, when she faints.