Post # 1
My future sister-in-law and I have always gotten along–I love her like she’s my true sister. She’s going to have a 2-month old newborn son by the time we get married in August. The other day she asked me if kids were allowed at the wedding, and I told her since it’s a laid-back wedding that I’d leave it up to all the parents, if they want to have to watch their kids or be able to cut loose a little. She then proceeded to TELL ME that she can’t cut loose because she’s bringing her newborn son to my wedding. I know for a fact there are people that could watch him (her husband’s mother, etc), but she apparently doesn’t want to do that. Normally, I wouldn’t care, but is there any appropriate way to tell/ask her that if the baby starts crying during the ceremony, she needs to be respectful and step out so it doesn’t interrupt the ceremony? I was a little annoyed that she basically TOLD ME she was bringing her newborn, not politely ask, but whatever. I just dont want my short-but-sweet ceremony to be ruined!
If anyone has any kind ways of telling this to someone, please share!!!!
Post # 3
If you are close to her then that will make it easier to tell her! I would just be upfront, but nice. And say ” fsil name, I love you and fsil babyname so much but I was just a little concerned about babysname being at the wedding it will be a long event and I think it might be pretty stressful for you having babysname with you all night. Maybe your husbands mom could babysit? It might be nice to cut loose for just one night that way youll be able to relax.”
I think it would be really hard bringing a two month old to a wedding. that honestly doesn’t sound like fun! Maybe once the baby is born and she realizes how hard it is, she probably will change her mind. Thankfully you have a little bit of time!
Post # 4
It sounds like she did ask when she asked if children were invited to the wedding.
It is still early and she might change her mind once the baby is here and she might want a little “break.” You could also have your brother talk to her closer to the wedding date.
Post # 5
Woah. So from what I know from other moms, newborns can’t be left with someone else. If she’s nursing, she’ll have to nurse every two hours. And some babies don’t take bottles at all and thus can’t be left with a babysitter.
Newborns are typically the exception to the “no kids rule.”
Post # 6
If she wants to bring the baby I don’t mind, I just want to point out to her that if he cries during the ceremony, she should be respectful amd take him to the other room so it doesn’t disturb the ceremony.
Post # 7
I dont think I would use the word respectful. I would just simply say “I have no problem with you bringing the baby, but if he makes noises during the ceremony, could you walk outside with him so as not to disturb others?”
FWIW, our 5 month old nephew came to our wedding, and he was amazing. He hung out with the girls getting ready, was beyond adorable when his older brother pulled him down the aisle in a wagon, and slept through almos the entire reception in his car seat on the stage (everyone could see him there, and someone was always within a couple feet of him. No way could he have moved without help, but in case he cried or fused, someone was there to take care of him). It also helped that he had an older brother and sister, so noise was something he was used to.
Post # 8
In all honesty, I would hope she has the common sense to step out if her baby is crying during your wedding ceremony. So to me, I wouldn’t bring it up, because I expect people to just know that.
Post # 9
@inkedbride: Since you said she’s like your sister, I would just say, “that’s perfectly fine if you bring him, but promise you’ll step out if he starts getting fussy?” I would be comfortable to say something like that to my own sister.
Post # 10
@yellowshoe: That’s the problem, though. Many don’t have the common sense to remove the crying children from the ceremony. Happens all the time. I’ve heard many stories of babies and children acting up, crying, yelling during ceremonies. Not all sleep or stay quiet. My friend told me about a wedding he went to last year in which a little toddler was running all around, including next to the bride and groom during the ceremony (while making noise, shouting, etc.) and the parents never once did anything, let alone removed him from the ceremony. My friend said the looks on the bride and grooms faces were just awful. I would have been beyond upset.
Op, just tell her you are fine with her bringing the baby, but to please step out if the baby fusses. I would do the same.
Post # 11
@Jenn23: this is true. I remember when hubs and I were talking about possibly adding him to the wedding party, and we were a little worried about his age. But he was such a good baby, very go with the flow, hardly ever cried, so I actually approached my SIL and asked if she thought he could be involved somehow. We both came up with the idea of the wagon, and she ended up making a covering for it that was beautiful. She stayed at the end of the aisle until the boys went down after the girls, then gathered them in the back. She had explained to the older ones how they needed to be on church behavior, and was ready to take the baby outside if needed, but he was a gem. Everyone kept coming up to me and saying how gorgeous he is (they are really great looking kids) and how well mannered!!
I am so glad we decided to let him be a part of our day, and we got some really great pics to boot.
Post # 12
If I were a new mom, and I was invited to the wedding, I would assume my 2 month old was invited to the wedding unless told explicitly otherwise. At that age you kind of come as a pair, it would be unreasonable to assume that she could leave the child behind to attend. You could be tactful about it and say something like “we’ll reserve a seat on the aisle for you in case you have to slip out if the baby becomes fussy during the ceremony”. Then she doesn’t feel like you are telling her something that, although I realize some people may need to be told, others might find offensive and have a reaction like “duh, what type of new mother do you think I am!”.
Post # 13
@Tigrrlily04: That is such a great idea! Thanks!
Post # 14
I agree with PP who said a newborn especially if nursing can not be away from its mother that long. I would see if you could find a quiet room in the place where you are getting married and just bring up the fact just in case the baby and her need a quiet spot to nurse or rest you have a room available for them.
Post # 15
@inkedbride: If she has any common sense she would excuse herself from the ceremony if the baby is crying… she would probably feel terrible.
Post # 16
The baby will still be sleeping alot at that age. And despite what a PP said, all of the wedding I have been to have had children, usually many and I have NEVER seen a parent let their child ruin the ceremony.