Post # 1
I am getting to my breaking point and need some advice from my fellow brides. My groom’s wedding invitation list is getting out of control. He already has twice as many guests as I do and his list is growing bigger every day due to people he has forgotten- most recently it was his sisters’ boyfriends and a groomsman. His solution is just to cut people when he adds people- but he has already asked for those people’s addresses.
Do you think this is rude? I kind of think people will be able to figure out that they got un-invited once they don’t get an invitation in the mail. I mean, why else would an engaged man ask for another man’s address? Bees, what you do you? Am I making something out of nothing? Help!
Post # 3
I don’t think you’re making something out of nothing. I think its probably time to have a very real discussion with him. My FI did the same thing. There seemed to be a disconnect, like he wasn’t getting the fact that if we invite this many people, they may just show up, and then we have to pay for them! He eventually understood but the damage was done. He’d asked for the addresses and I didn’t want to offend anyone. I’m fairly confident that a lot of these guests won’t be able to attend anyway. That may be the case with your FI. He might be sending out a lot of the obligation invites but they may not end up coming anyway.
Post # 4
We decided we each got equal invites to use as we pleased for family and friends. As far as cutting after you’ve asked for an address, if there is any fallout it’s going to be his to deal with as I assume these are his freinds but I don’t think it’s so odd to ask for addresses, especially if he did so around the holidays. If you really want to make sure they don’t feel cut, send them a New Year’s card, it’s still January!
Post # 5
My question is how many people have you budgeted for and is the list now over your original amount? I have a lot more family and therefore guests than my FI does, but we’re not worried about having even numbers of guests. I guess I’m just asking for clarification, because it sounds like your concern is that his list doubles yours. His sister’s boyfriend and a groomsmen are pretty important people. My list is so huge because I’m inviting all my first cousins. We’re not even inviting cousins kids or friends kids and I haven’t even got to co-workers yet. But we are under our orignal invite estimate, so we have some wiggle room still
Post # 6
Thanks ladies! We plan on 125 guests- over that amount, we have to pay more. I guess we are at about 140-145 (and growing apparently). He keeps saying that 20% won’t end up coming, but I don’t feel like we can count on that.
So my new question is, what percent of those invited don’t end up coming to the wedding (on average)?
Slicey19, I was definitely thinking the same thing about a New Years card!
Post # 7
I think the general rule is that 20-30% won’t be able to attend. But like you said, you can’t count on it, its obviously not an exact science.
Post # 8
First, who is paying? If your parents are paying, then he has no rope to be adding these extra guests.
Also, it isn’t fair to you to be cutting your guests because of him. Have a long talk with him about fairness in your marriage and your wedding planning.
His poor planning is not your responsibility.
Post # 9
Don’t cut your guestlist because he’s getting out of control. He can cut down his list. He has to be fair and not monopolize the entire guestlist. As for people he already asked for addresses, that’s kind of his problem. He should have waited until the list was finalized.