Post # 1
Okay ya’ll, I’m seven weeks out and I totally flipped my lid today. We’re talking full blown clinical anxiety attack. Right about 10 minutes before I had to go to a class, an hour before I had a presentation (I’m a grad student). I wasn’t anxious about the presentation, I have no problems with public speaking… I would rather do that than write a paper or take a test- so that wasn’t it.
I feel like I’ve got way way too much on my plate and can’t balance it. How do I create balance? I’m totally falling apart trying to schedule and finish things for the wedding and school while balancing my school schedule (21 credit hours) and wedding planning and work (three days weekly, but that’s still 15 hours). I’ve been getting less than 5-6 hours sleep per night and I still don’t have enough time to get everything done. Shoot- I’ve even cut my morning routine in half so as to get an extra 30 minutes of time. I can’t cut my school schedule back, or it puts me another semester behind of graduation… meaning another 15 grand in the hole and 4 more months until I can start working (plus more interest on those loans I’ve already got out).
My family isn’t here to help with the planning of the wedding and FH, well let’s just say he definately helped to precipitate the anxiety attack today by not doing something he said he would and then blaming me for not giving him specifics.
I also fired my "planner" months ago (she was a waste of money and sucking out every dime she could- causing more stress), so I don’t have money to re-hire anyone.
Post # 3
ah, i wish i had advice for you… but i don’t! i’m in the same boat, only i’m about ten weeks out… 15 units, plus 22 hours of work a week, plus six hours of commuting… by the end of the day, i’m just too tired to think about wedding stuff!
my best advice is be honest with yourself, and cut out what isn’t important to you. i cut out an additional favor already, because i don’t have time, and no one but me will notice if they don’t get two favors. 🙂
secondly, grab friends to help! i’m a perfectionist, so it’s been reeeally hard for me to turn over control to other people… but my friends are willing to help, and then i don’t get so stressed out. and, let’s face it, girlfriends are usually better at doing wedding projects than fiances. 🙂
good luck!! hang in there!
Post # 4
wow – it sounds like you have a LOT on your plate. are you doing anything right now to intentionally relax? an hour or two of dedicated veg time where you can unwind (in front of the tv, in a hot shower, reading a book, exercising?)
it sounds like you’re reaching a point of critical mass where something’s got to give, and all signs right now are pointing toward *you* as the piece that might break! and that would not be good. it’s tough to survive on that little sleep, too.
i guess i’d recommend making lots of lists of all the little tasks and crossing them off as you do them so you have the satisfaction of seeing all those black lines. : ) try to get another hour of sleep a night; look at it as a way to make you that much more productive when you are awake. be sure to eat well and eat a variety of nutritious things, not just cereal bars on-the-go. get as much exercise as you can where you can, even if it’s just walking briskly to class, because that reduces your body’s overall stress level. and above all, give youreslf a break: you have a TON of stuff going on right now and anybody in your position would be seriously stressed out!
Post # 5
I was in the same place: I was planning a wedding, selling my apartment, planning a cross-country move and quitting my job all at once, and it was really getting to me. My FI could only help so much because he had already moved across the country.
It helped me a lot to focus on the things which were absolutely necessary. For the wedding, this meant that all small projects fell by the wayside. I kept telling mysef that we had the officiant, the venue, the food and the music, so even if I never managed to do anything else, if I never planned the seating chart or bought the favors or chose my shoes, a wedding would happen, and it would be a good party. This made any small things I did do things I could do whenever I had a moment, not things I felt I had to do.
Everything was like this: for my job, I stopped dealing with new stuff and concentrated on finishing old stuff. I shoved new stuff onto my successor with reckless abandon. For the move, I did only what was necessary and waited until after the wedding to worry about things like changing my address and canceling my phone. For the apartment, I used one weekend to clean and then did nothng further other than sign the minimum paperwork. Yes, sometimes I felt I was doing things a bit slipshod, but in the end it saved my sanity. And in terms of the wedding, now that it is over I can truthfuly say we didn’t miss any of the small things I didn’t do at all.
Post # 6
<span style=”font-size: 7.5pt; font-family: Verdana”>I just wanted to say I can totally relate! I have a full time job and am a part-time grad student and was planning the wedding without family (either mine or DH’s) being in the same country. It was tough and there were times that things that were completely deal-able on a regular basis caused me extreme anxiety. I hope it helps to know you are not alone! <span style=”font-size: 7.5pt; font-family: Verdana”>What helped me was to take pressure off myself in any way that I could and I let go of things about the wedding that were causing me stress. You probably have major vendors in place? You can do this! your FI and family will come through for you in the end. <span style=”font-size: 7.5pt; font-family: Verdana”>I went through with a terrible patch with my then FI because I thought he was not pulling his weight and blamed him for making me do everything. Some guys just don’t understand timelines but that doesn’t mean they won’t come through in the end. I just decided what things were most important to me (ceremony, everyone had enough food/drinks, our outfits) and tried hard to let the rest go. But in the end my mom showed up and helped me get everything done 4 days before and DH got the laterns up, burned all the CDs etc… and everything was fabulous and all the anxiety was worth it.<span style=”font-size: 7.5pt; font-family: Verdana”>Just keep your end goal in sight. As cliche as it sounds the most important thing is that you will be married to the love of your life soon and that’s what makes all this stress worth it.
Post # 7
As usual tons of good advice! Just try, really, to take things one step at a time – every little thing that you get done is one less thing left to do. Prioritize – and that way if some things don’t get done, they will be little things that don’t matter as much. And maybe sit down with your FI and talk things over. He probably didn’t mean to let you down; he may be just as stressed as you are. But he does need to understand that he needs to carry his part of the load. After all, that’s what marriage is about, right?
Post # 8
I had the same anxiety issues, also including a meltdown caused by fiance not doing what he said he would. The solution we came up with was a free website called http://www.backpackit.com where you can make and share to-do lists. My fiance and I both access the site everyday. You can identify items that are your fiance’s responsibility, and he can check them off when they’re done. If he needs more info from you, he can add a note to the task requesting more info, and then you can add a note with that info. Getting the list out of my head did wonderful things for my stress level!
Post # 9
Oh, another really crazy suggestion from my days as a grad student… I once had a professor who taught me to "First, do the finishing touches you don’t have time to do. Then, do what needs to be done. You will always get it all done in the end." It is true! For example, if you want to emboss the image of a leaf on your menus and you also need to buy a wedding gown, do the embossing first because you KNOW that no matter what you will find time for the gown! Of course, only you can assess your stress level and determine how much you really want those embossed leaves after all 🙂
Post # 10
I’m totally with you. I’ve been on the verge of tears all week. I hate my job, my office just moved FURTHER away, my kitten’s rear legs suddenly became paralyzed, and I’m supposed to be planning a wedding. FH and I even got extremely good news earlier this week, and I could hardly even enjoy it because I’m so worried about everything else.
I don’t really have any good advice for you. Just know that a lot of us are feeling the same way. Life happens; you just have to roll with it. Unfortunately, I had to cancel something I would rather do (hang out with my friend tonight) for something I need to do (take care of my kitten). It’s frustrating, but we can do it!
Post # 11
Definitely prioritize!! As many people have mentioned above, your guests will not notice any of the "missing" items you have planned. The best weddings I’ve been to have not been the most elaborate or most detailed ones, it’s been the ones where the bride & groom were radiating happiness. As a guest, I would rather see a relaxed happy bride enjoying her day than to see a intricately made favor or a program that I’m probably gonna throw away anyways.
AND delegate, delegate, delegate!! It may not be done perfectly or the way you would have, but it will get done. Most importantly, it’ll be one less item on your list.
Post # 12
I heartilly agree with many of the other replies. Breathe. Delegate. Re-prioritize. Make sure your fiance knows(tell him as calmly as possible, so he can’t accuse you of being a bridezilla) you feel overwhelmed and could really use his help and support. Hang in there.
Post # 13
What are the parts of your wedding that are crucial for your happiness with it? I would make a bare bones schedule of what it would take to get all of them done. Map out what it would take week by week for all of those tasks. Then if you have time, fill in the rest of the non-essential stuff.
Do you really need flowers? Would you be crushed without menu cards? Will anyone care if you don’t have favors? Could you delegate your guestbook entirely to a friend (tell her to just buy something and show up to the wedding with it)?
I think making decisions is the hardest part of the planning. If you can decide just not to decide on the stuff that doesn’t matter, it might seem more managable.
Post # 14
Kleverkira, I keep wondering how your kitten is doing…
Post # 15
Thanks you guys for the advice. I talked to FH and I realized that I was somewhat overreacting to what was really a major miscommunication. No finger pointing b.c the main deal was that I’m not managing my time well.
I’m also wondering how that kitten is doing! Please update us!
Post # 16
Yeah, the more stressed I get the less patience I have with everybody else’s screw ups, whether they are big or little. And then it seems like everything is falling apart. Not excusable, but human I think.