Post # 1
My father passed away 11 years ago, my fiancé and I have been together for 10 years and we have a 9 year old. We waited this long to get married cause I wasn’t ready to walk down the isle without my father, now I’m ready although I know it will be hard. My mother is walking me down the isle. My mother-in-law has already stated how she can’t wait for her “dance” we already decided that we are gonna skip it, because I will be crying my eyes out. How do we handle this situation? Also another of many problems I’m having when the bridal party enters the reception I’m not having the parents announced, fiancés parents are devorced and 1) my mother will feel uncomfortabl walking in alone, there’s no one she would want to walk her in 2) I don’t care for his step-mother and I don’t believe she should get that honor, she’s very cold hearted and treats my fiancé like the crap. And I know skipping this part will cause a problem with his mother. How should we handle this?
Post # 3
@AmandaAshley: You need to break those up into smaller sentences. It’s very confusing to read.
First you said mother in law and then you said step mother. Is it the same person or are you talking about his mother AND his step mother?
Post # 4
- Wedding: October 2011 - Bed & Breakfast
A couple of thoughts, in no particular order:
- Pick and choose the traditions that work for you.
- If someone has an issue with you skipping certain traditions, let it be their problem. There is no need for you to make it your problem.
- Take this as an opportunity to establish boundaries with your respective families.
- Don’t ask for advice or input unless you really want it.
- And if someone offers unsolicited advice, smile and say “Thanks for your input. I’ll take it under advisement.”. And then promptly change the subject.
Maybe one of these will resonate with you. Dealing with family is tough, but it can be done. Good luck!
Post # 6
@figgnewton: Sorry for confusion, yes it’s a mother in-law and a step mother-in-law, it’s a lot of drama because my fiancés mother and father do not talk at all, the only time my fiancé every seen them in the same room was over 8 years ago at our daughters christening
Post # 7
I would have your fiance speak with his mother privately and explain that he does not feel comfortable doing a mother/son dance when you can not have a father/daughter dance. If she has any heart she’ll understand. Besides it doesn’t mean she can’t dance with him the entire night just because there is no special designated dance. I’m sure you will want to dance with many friends and family members throughout the night and he can do the same. If she still doesn’t understand, well than sorry that’s her problem, it’s not her wedding.
Post # 8
It is YOU and YOUR soon to be husband’s wedding day. You have to do it in a way that works for you guys. Your soon to be hubby should be able to explain the situation to his mother. On another note, is there anyone who has been like a father figure to you that you would like to dance with? If not I say do it YOUR way. This is not their moment, it is yours.
Post # 9
How about haivng one of the groomsmen escort your mother in to her seat? That way she doesn’t walk in alone, and has a cute guy on her arm!
Post # 10
I agree with @RBN above ^ Weddings do NOT need to be traditional. I am a day-of wedding coordinator and people always ask what they’re “supposed” to do. I am constantly reminding them that it’s their day and they need to do whatever it is that makes that time special. If you’re worried about your in-laws, have a conversation with them about how you feel. I’m sure they will understand and maybe you can work together to figure out a fun, alternative plan. Plus, for your guests, it will be different and very memorable 🙂
Post # 11
- Wedding: August 2013 - The Liberty House
@lovekiss: +1. You should just do what you need to do, and don’t let anyone else being upset sway you. It’s not worth it.
Post # 12
I should hope she would understand the situation. If not, and she needs to have this 3 minute dance which would mean the bride would be devastated and bawling her eyes out at her own wedding, she doesn’t deserve the honour and the dance anyways.
Post # 13
@lovekiss: +1 very good advice
Post # 14
He needs to explain to her why you are skipping it, it seems totally reasonable. And I’ve never heard of the parents being introduced at the reception that seems weird to me, again just tell them you aren’t doing that.
Post # 15
Thank you everyone, I have even said that she can pick a song and dance with him at any point, just not in the spot light like she wants but that’s not good enough. It just makes me feel so much better to know that I’m not wrong to feel this way. My next problem is gonna be what she ends up wearing to my wedding lol she dresses like she’s in her 20s.
Post # 16
you’re not wrong to feel the way you do, she should understand. But in case you have a change of heart, my cousins dad passed away less a year before her wedding and she danced with her mom at the reception. They had a small table with a picture of her and her father and candles around it That they pulled close to the dance floor. The room was full of tears, but I felt it was a beautiful tribute to her dad.