- 5 years ago
Hi Bee’s.. I have a somewhat active account on this website.. but I wanted to go anon.. My wedding date is not even accruate, we were actually maried weeks before then but I don’t want it being traced to my actual account since both our familes know my username on here and I have a sister-in-law planning a wedding and always on this site..
So a little back story.. My husband and I are college sweethearts.. we’ve had our ups and downs (nothing major, just growing pains) broke up early on in college but then got back together for over 3 years before we got engaged. We had an 18 month engagement before getting married a few months ago…
The weeks leading up to our wedding was VERY, VERY hard. We were NOT getting along at all. Now him and I are the fighting type… we just are.. we are very emotional but we fight “healthy” in that we don’t threaten to end it, insult/put each other down, etc.. Now its NOT all healthy but we aren’t those crazy, mean as heck fighting couples… But things were very bad. I love him but I remember talking to a bridesmaid about postponing the wedding because I didn’t know how we could go through as bad as things were.. It was partly the stress of the wedding (he said I was crazy about stupid details and he wasn’t THRILLED about the big wedding) but not only that he is miserable in his current job and we were doing about an hour apart relationship which meants LOTS of driving which stressed us both out.
Anyways, we finally about 2 weeks before the wedding got to an okay place and it seemed like we were back to our normal selves so the wedding went on as planned. It was absolutely the BEST day of our lives and our honeymoon was equally wonderful. And our marriage since the wedding? It has been great.. yes, we’ve had a few squabbles but for the most part, things were better than ever.
This is where it gets bad.
So my husband finally got my name on the bank account now that my name is legally changed etc. I was familiarizing myself with online banking one day and saw some charges in a surrounding city and I didn’t know why they were there since we hadn’t been down there in months. I googled the address and it was a strip club. I immediately called him freaking out. He was on his way home from work, flew home, and explained. He told me that the weekend of my bachelorette party, he ran into an old friend, who asked if he wanted to hang out that night. He agreed and they hung out. He had NO idea what they would end up doing.. They went to a sports bar (fine…) and then the guy took him to a strip club.. My fiance says he had no idea they would end up there.. and I guess I believe him because I know 100% he has never been to one before. He told me that the guy claimed he left his debit and ran out of cash so that is why he took money out of the atm.. Now, I kind of believed this because this guy is a grade A loser.. I would have been annoyed if he had told me they were hanging out..
He then confessed to me that he went TWICE after he went with his friend.. and even weirder.. he went alone??? He cried his eyes out to me, begged me to give him another change, he assured me that it WOULD never happen again, that he was scared and confused about our relationship because he felt like I had changed/we had changed, and he made a mistake.. Here is what bothers me most.. All three occasions be has significant ATM withdrawals from the strip club.. Like 130, 150 and 180 (the 180 being when he claimed to bail his friend out). He SWEARS up and down that he did NOT pay for any services or whatever.. but my question is where does that money go??? Now, I realize he may have tipped a girl, bought a drink (although non-alcoholic because he doesn’t drink.. he can’t for medical reasons), whatever but that seems like an absurd amount of money.. I asked him about it and he said he didn’t spend it.. he said that his friend seemed to have a good time and he “thought about it” but realized he couldn’t go through it and didn’t pay for it there.. Now I am sure he had to tip for drinks, etc (although I doubt he had over a drink or two.. he never drinks, hates the taste of alcohol for the most part) but that seems like A LOT of money..
Oh and as far as time lines.. My bachelorette party was 4 weekends before our wedding, he went again the following week, skipped a week, and went again the weekend before our wedding. Yes.. the week before he married me… that hurts me… a lot.
I just need opinions on this…I mean, I can’t understand why he would do this.. For a little background information on us as well… We are fairly conservative people. We are both the ONLY person each other has slept with (we met freshmen year of college, very early on), we don’t party (ever), or drink and didn’t throughout college. The friends we hang out with are like us.. and includes dinner dates out with other couples, movies, mini trips but NOTHING crazy. I never in a million years thought he would do this.. In fact, I can’t help but feel like this was a “OMG I am getting married and never done ANYTHING” and he had some need to experience the “normal” stuff that teens/twenty somethings do (FYI, we are 25).
I am afraid that he is hiding stuff from me and something happened. I can’t get it of my mind, it is consuming me. I love him with my whole heart and the thought of losing him scares me but I wonder how I can be with someone I don’t trust.. He swears it was a phase, he was out of his mind and doesn’t understand why he did it.. that it wasn’t him and he feels disgusting in his own skin.. That he can’t lose me.. and I mean, in a way it COULDN’T happen again.. We live together, we sleep in the same bed.. I know where he is at all times. and i’m not worried about him going out with the guys because he doesn’t do that.. if he hangs out with anyone alone without me its his dad and brother (not worried about them going) or our mutual friend (who I know would never let him into one of those places and hurt me.. hes almost more my friend than his).. The only other time we hang out with other people its together. So, I believe that it won’t ever happen again and I told him if it did, I would be gone in a flash and he cried and said he understood and begged for my forgiveness.
Any insight/help/advice… please :/ my heart feels broken.