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I am in desperate need of some help here! Its 3:30 am, and I can't sleep a wink, because.....we went ring shopping today. Like the for real, lets buy it today, this is it kind of ring shopping.
So here is what happened:
Long story short, I know a wholesale diamond dealer. He likes me, he gives me great prices, yada yada. I really want a three stone ring, and we have the two side stones already, one from each of his Grandmother's rings. Super special and meaningful. They are each about .6 carat. The center stone he wants to buy himself. So today, we looked at a 1.1 carat round brilliant, and a 2.2 carat round brilliant. My lovely diamond guy saw how much I LIT UP when he brought out that 2.2 carat diamond, and is offering us a FANTASTIC discount (the 2.2 is only $750 more than the 1.1).
HERE IS THE PROBLEM:
My guy is worried about what other people (namely his parents) will think if he buys me such a large diamond. He is going to law school next year, and he thinks that buying a ring like that will make them rethink helping him out with tuition. I think that they are reasonable and practical people, and when we tell them what a great deal we got, they will understand. He is also worried that it will look "gaudy" because we are relatively young (I will be 24 next week).
By the way, our ring budget is not gigantic by any means, we are maxing out at 7k, even if we get the larger diamond....see I told you it was a deal, and its a goooood diamond!
Anyway, I need some help on this. He says the money is not the issue at all, and I am trying to walk a fine line because I know that I have the ability to get my way, but I want us BOTH to be happy with the ring choice. Not saying I would not be happy with the 1.1. I would. VERY happy. But I got that "feeling" when he brought out the big boy. How can bigger not be better? I guess opposites really do attract, one of the things I love about my guy.... he is so practical while I can be too fanciful...
Wow. It's late and I am rambling, if anyone is still reading this, I would appreciate any advice you have!
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I think this is a perfect example of one of those moments as a couple where you learn that the most important opinion is yours and your fiances and no one else. it only matters that both of you feel comfortable with the ring selection. I don't think you have to justify your selection of a larger stone with saying its a great deal (which is SWEET that you were able to score one). It sounds like you are both mindful of the budget you set and not going crazy spending an egregious amoutn you can't afford. Never let other people's small mindness hold you back from being happy!
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that is a rediculous price for a 2.2 carat stone, mine was almost as much for almost a carat less! i say go for the big one, it will truly be an heirloom to pass on to one of your children someday....also, congrats on (almost) getting your ring!!
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I agree with misgirard - this has to be a decision for the two of you and others needn't worry about it. That deal is unbelievable - its not like you are blowing absurd and egregioius money on it
Don't get caught up in size and/or money. Make sure that the 2.2 carat is comparable. Meaning that the cut, color, clarity are similar to the 1.1 carat diamond. I have a round brilliant and they are *gorgeous* But bigger is not neccessarily better. Check out the GIA rating of each. It seems a bit odd that a larger diamond is only $750 more. You might be sacrificing quality for size.
Don't worry about what the family thinks. Your FI is paying for the ring. So if he's happy and you are happy.....that's all that matters. And I love the fact that you are using family heirloom diamonds as part of the e-ring.
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Your diamond dealer must really love you b/c I have Never heard of 2+ carat ring for 7K. If the stone is a good one this is a deal you can not pass up. Explain that to your fiance. Have him read this thread if that will help. It doesn't matter what anyone thinks about the things you two purchase as couple. One could argue that his parents could withhold help with tuition b/c he decided to purchase a ring, no matter the size. So since you've both made the decision to buy one, you might as well buy the best one you can afford.
ps is the stone GIA certified? If it isn't, consider asking the jeweler to send it in at his cost to be analyzed.
I agree with what everybody else said about making sure it's certified, etc. Because my ring is around 2.5 and we paid much more for it then 7k, even with a great deal. Like double what you're being quoted.
Now, as far as the size goes, I got my ring when I was 24. I've never had anybody make a comment about how it was too big for my age or anything. My husband is 6 years older then me and was about two years away from making partner though, so maybe that's what he's worried about. If he really thinks his parents won't help with his tuition if he buys the larger one, you need to think about that. Law school is EXPENSIVE. Good Luck!
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Hi Ladies,
Thank you so much for all of the advice!
About the diamonds....
They are both GIA certified. The 1.1 carat is an G color, VS1. The 2.2 is a J color SI2.
So there is definitely a sacrafice in quality for the much much bigger one. However, I can only tell the faintest difference in the color between the two, and the SI 2 is still eye clean... you cannot see any imperfections without a 10x loop, and even then I couldnt find what they were talking about with my untrained eye. So yes, I have done my research and there is a difference in the quality of the two.
Ugh and to make it more difficult, the man offered to buy the beautiful pave setting I wanted if I get the smaller diamond...I think he reeeallly hates the BIG one. :(
Personally, I think 2.2 carats is too big. Even 1.1 looks really big to me!
Of course, it's your ring, and you should be happy with it...but if I was your fiance's parents, I would be significantly less willing to contribute to his tuition if he spent $7K on a piece of jewelry.
Sorry to be blunt, but that's just how I would feel about the situation. I think if you want the bigger diamond, you should definitely think about paying for the difference in cost.
Ultimately only you and your fiance can decide, but I think I'm picking up on something from your fiance through your words. I get the sense that he is uncomfortable with the larger diamond because it might seem pretentious or materialistic to him.
I know that many women love the big sparkly, but you have to both be able to live with the choice as a couple.
We seriously considered 2 different diamonds. One was slightly bigger than a carat and one was just a carat. We ultimately picked the one that faced up smaller (even though it was the bigger stone by weight) because it felt more appropriate to us. We had been offered a 2 ct family stone and turned it down. It just wasn't in our personalities (especially his) to have such big bling.
I guess what I'm saying is make sure that you honor your honey in this decision as well as yourself. You want him to be thrilled every time he looks at your ring!
A great deal on a stone means nothing if one half of the couple is unhappy with the option.
doctorgirl has an excellent point. My FH was more than OK with buying a larger diamond and in fact, I think he actually likes it more than I do. He stares at it all the time and is Very Proud he was able to give me something so special. With that said, if he didn't feel this way about it and instead looked at it as a burden, that would definitely take all the joy away from it for me.
I would sit with your man and go over the reasons why he isn't into this larger stone. Is it strictly b/c of his parents/tuition money? Does he think its flashy b/c you are young? Or b/c he just thinks its flashy? If he's going to be a lawyer, presumable he will make more money one day and your ring might be more fitting to your future lifestyle. Would he prefer to upgrade later on, etc?
You could also put the money towards a diamond wedding band as a compromise.
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Do you just want it because it's bigger? it's more $ (even with a deal) and less quality. Your FI doesn't seem enthusiastic either.
A 1.1 is a gorgeous size, especially in a 3-stone. Mine is a 1.2 and the side stones are .5 in a pave band ... sound familiar? 
A larger stone actually looked odd with the setting. It was waayyyyy too big for the side stones and looked strange on my hand.
Try to take the emotion out of this and see it from FI's perspective. A smaller diamond may look better, fit your life better, and make more sense right now. Worst case, you can always upgrade down the road.
Mr. MJ had similar concerns about modesty. Not because his parents were helping him pay for anything, but he just did'nt want to seem like flashy people, especially since we also both recently got new cars, and a new TV, yada yada yada. What helped us was that he told his parents we paid for it in full, without debt (it's true). That helped them to know that we were being responsible and had budgeted for this. I think the same would be true with your FI's parents (from what you said). If they knew the kind of amazing deal you got, they'd be all for it.
Personally though, I'd choose the higher color and clarity stone, even if its smaller. Esepcially if you're setting it in white gold - I don't remember whether you said you were. Mine's an F and it looks SO SO white. Love it. A good quality diamond is rarer and more beautiful than a big lower quality one. Look at it in various lights (including outside), and you'll see. The c's are so important to us that we also made sure all of our smaller stones (mine and his) were at least G in color. It's just going to look so much better quality in the long run. Your priorities are, of course, your own, and if size is your main factor, then go for the bigger one! $750 doesnt even buy the BOOKS for law school am I right? 
One thing I have heard from many women over the years about diamonds is "Be careful. They shrink."
That's all. If you don't get it now, you'll probably end up wanting to upgrade later. But tread with caution, wear kid gloves.
While I know I LOVE the big rocks, in reality, it's not the size of the diamond that matters, it's the person that gave it to you. You know deep down if he (like most FHs including mine) had no worries he would give you exactly what you wanted. I agree with maryjane about going for the higher quality color and clarity, it's totally worth it, especially when people look at it and go, "Wow, you've got a real sparkler! He knew what he was doing." Good luck whatever decision you make and congratulations!
Size doesn't matter imho. As long as it's a quality diamond. From a financial perspective, seeing that the 2.2 is of such good quality, it would be good to purchase that. Definitely an heirloom and something worthy of passing down.
Congratulations! I think EITHER choice is a winner.
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I would definitely go with the better quality stone over the bigger one. We looked at stones much larger then the one I ended up with and ultimately picked the 2 ct. because it was the best stone for our money. The #1 comment I get about it is how sparkly it is. I love that!
IMO, size does not matter, quality does. I have close to a 1 carat diamond it was around what your budget is but it is near the highest quality. It will count as time passes on the color etc. You also need to look at what it looks like on your hand. I have very small hands and anything larger would look like fashion jewlery and very gaudy. I know someone that has a 2.2 ring with my size hands and it looks a little funny to see this huge thing on it. It is a personal choice but you can always fancy it up with your wedding band! I like the idea too of your FI liking what he gets you. I love it every time my hubby says when he looks at my ring, that he knew it was me when he designed it. He took my job, style and made it into his own.
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I say go for it whatever makes you happy, and if that's the 2.2, then get it! Our best family friends are private jewelers and have amazing diamond contacts- they offered me a 3 carat princess last year for $3,000 that was SI and a 2.1 carat round that was VS something for $2,000 (seriously considered it, but wanted an antique ring!), but a princess cut was the last on the list of cuts I wanted, plus I wanted a truly antique mine cut or European cut diamond- still, would have been a great deal, hah! There are some good deals out there if you have the right contacts.
And btw, size and perfection are two different concepts and half the people out there either a. care about the size but not the clarity/color or b. the clarity but not the size. Each to their own- my sister is going for size and could care less about clarity, and if you have a well-cut diamond, then the quality may or may not matter (as long as you don't start getting into serious cracks, chips, carbon spots, etc., most people won't be holding a loop to your engagement ring looking for imperfections! Eye clean is fine for most people!)
I chose a smaller diamond because it was the better quality one. It was funny they were both side by side and you could tell one was smaller, but it sparkeled so much more than the other. I know you said you can barely tell the difference, but ultimately over time the smaller diamond will retain more value than the larger less perfect one. If I were you I would listen to your FI and get the smaller one with the pave setting you wanted.
Btw, the ring from my xh was a gorgeous (great quality too) radiant emerald solitaire over 2 carats. IT WAS GORGEOUS GORGEOUS!!!
Not too big imho. I have little hands. Loved it! Never once did I feel guilty about having a gorgeous ring. Your friends will be happy with whatever you get no matter what you choose. My sis has a solitaire over a 2 carat size. It's beautiful!
Whether a .25 or a 10.25 carat doesn't matter. What DOES matte is what YOU prefer, and if the stone is a WISE INVESTMENT not just for now, but for the future.
Okay. I researched diamonds like a crazy person, just like we all did. But now that I have it on my finger (it's an heirloom stone from his family), I can tell you one important thing:
Nothing else matters if you love it and it makes you feel special.
Not size. Or color. Or clarity. If that's the stone that makes you "light up," that's the way to go. You'll always regret practicality, or thinking about what other people think. Just go with your heart (and your budget of course, but that's a given!).
My ring is just about the same size, and it doesn't look "too big" at all. It's a great proportion, and with side stones of that size, you're going to want something bigger in the middle. Go for it!
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If his parents weren't going to help him out with law school, I'd say do what makes you happiest. But if his parents are financially helping him, then getting the bigger diamond could create some bad blood. I think he should talk to his parents about it and see if getting the 2.2 carat diamond would make them feel resentful or taken advantage of. I really think their feelings need to be considered since they're doing him a huge favour by helping him out with law school.
Maybe..or they might just see their son is a financial genius who can stretch a dollar and get the most for his $$$! (glass half full kinda thought inserted here!) That kinda guy might make an incredible tax attorney or real estate legal pro!
Some people here are saying that size doesn't matter but quality does, but I think it's a matter of preference (some people will say get the best quality diamond you can afford and THEN worry about the size, but there are lots of people out there who just want a big rock and quality is less important). If you want an heirloom that can be passed down, get the higher quality stone (lower quality diamonds are not investment pieces). But if size is really what makes the diamond exciting for you, get the bigger one.
You'll need to have a serious talk with your fiance. What other people think about it is irrelevant (but it sounds like you'll need to convince him of that!), but what you think matters--you're the one who is going to wear it everyday, and the one who will be holding out your hand for people who notice and ask to see it... you have to love it. He has to like it only enough to buy it!
I would compromise with the FH, and go with the 1.1. Think of the future! He has yet to start law school, and the tution is huge. I would not want to take the chance of upsetting the future in laws on this one. You could make a joke "promise to drape me in bling when you make partner!" or something to the effect.
Us ladies are pretty lucky. We not only receive beautiful rings just for the intention of marriage, but also another one once we get married. We also receive jewels when we give birth, anniv, mom's day, b-day, holidays and just because it's Tuesday (well, the last one was from Burton to Taylor!).
You can feel good knowing that you made a good decision going with the smaller diamond, (take him up on the pave!) avoiding future tense moments with the in laws and a hubby who can look at his wife with pride in knowing that you are beautiful and have a good head on your shoulders.
I hope this advise helps. Thanks for sharing!!!!
First and foremost, you both need to agree on this and both be happy with the decision.
But Mermaid brings up a good point on how the bigger one will look in a three stone setting. Of course it depends on how big your finger is, but I wonder if you actually brought the two side stones to the jeweler with you, and held them up next to the big stone? I would be worried that with two .6 side stones and the bigger center stone it would be to wide on your finger. I have a three stone ring, with 1.2 center, with .33 side stones, and there really is no room for a bigger center stone on my finger! Then again, I wear a 4.5 size ring, so my finger is pretty small.
Just another thing to consider! But whatever you choose, congrats on getting a ring, any ring, which is really the most important thing of all 
Edit: I meant getting engaged to a man you love is the most important thing of all, not just getting the ring itself!
I would go with the "smaller" (I put in quotes because 1 carat is a good sized stone!) because it is of better color and clarity! That is probably part of why the bigger stone is not too much more expensive.
I think it's important that you and your fiance are both happy about your ring purchase. This is the purchase that marks the beginning of your married life together, after all! 
From what you've posted, he doesn't seem completely happy with the 2.2 carat stone right now and you don't seem completely happy with the 1.1 carat stone. Yes, it might be difficult to pass up the good deal you're getting on the 2.2 carat diamond, but I wonder if the solution is just to look at a few more stones. Maybe you can meet in the middle size-wise?
sk- After ALOT of thought and some more conversation today, I think that is exactly what we are going to do. Tomorrow is the big day we are trying to make a choice, and I think we are going to try and see if they have anything somewhere between the 1.1 and 2.2 that is of higher quality and still within our price range.
Wish me luck!
As a side note, we did bring the other two stones to hold up next to it. They are beautiful! And so special because one is from each side of his family tree. I am 5'9'' and wear a size 8 ring, so I can handle quite a bit of "bling" on that finger without it looking overpowering... I guess tomorrow we will see what we end up with! Also, the important thing that we both realize is that these are not REAL problems. This is a minor bump in the road and small disagreement. I think we both (but maybe my guy especially) have a tendency to let something small seem HUGE, but we are on the same page now about how silly of an "argument" if you can call it that, this is.
Thank you guys ALL so much for your helpful advice, I will let you know tomorrow how it turns out!!! So excited!!!
Honey, I have a 2.67 center stone carat with about 1 carat total weight surrounding it (custom design) and my sister has a 3.14 center stone (no idea on the ones in the setting) and my mom has a 2.4 center stone from her engagement and then for their 25th anniversary my dad got her a setting with a 5 carat center diamond. Let me tell you coming from a family of women that appreciate the big bling - GET THE BIGGER STONE if you have the option.
You have to wear it everyday - not him. I get compliments on mine all the time and when I am with my mom and sister people love to compare them and I have never once gotten a negative response on the size of my diamond. (The setting is a bit controversial but everyone seems to be in awe of the diamond.) And I wear a size 7 ring and it just looks good proportionally.
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I would go with the sparklier one. Maybe he will "upgrade" it later after he is done with law school as an appreciation for chosing the smaller one.
ok so I know nothing about diamonds, cuts and sizes; actually I told my now FI at that time boyfriend ahead of time that I wasn't a diamond kind of girl (I'm not into gold either) and told him that I looooved wood, and that is what we got metal and wood rings :) That’s what makes us HAPPY!
So my advice to you is just talk to him about what you like and why you like it (maybe his parents will understand with no problem) the thing here is that both of you should be happy about it, after all is a symbol of your love :)
OK..... I got my DREAM ring!!!!!
After all of your wonderful advice, we had a chat, and decided to look for something in the middle of the 1.1 and 2.2 but wih higher quality....I FOUND IT!!!
We ended up with a 1.5 carat brillian cut center stone, gorgeous color, high quality, etc etc and I am in love. I have attached the pic. I dreamt about her last night. I wont get to see it for awhile, they are doing a custom setting and we saved a TON of money having them send it to texas to my parents instead of picking it up here in california.
It's gorgeous and classy and looks perfect with our heirloom diamonds. I would gush more but you guys don't want to read it all! ;)
Thank you guys so much for your advice, I now see what you mean when you said "it only matters if you love it"....I do, and the boy does too! Win win!!! :)
Tell me what you guys think of the stones...my setting will be white gold,with lots of prongs so you can see the entire diamond...it kind of looks like a crown from the side
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Yay! Congrats! They are beautiful!!!! Be sure to share the ring when it comes in. So happy for you and your man~
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When my FI and I went "ring shopping" the first couple times we were definitely going towards the 2ct stone. However, when he went by himself to buy the ring he decided to get a stone that was a little smaller (1.76ct) but with a much better quality.
So my question to you is...what's most important to you, the size or the quality? and BTW 7K for a 2ct is a great deal, but what is the quality of the diamond? When you buy a large diamond, it's always best to go for a higher quality, since the flaws will show more due to its size.
Good luck!
Gorgeous! I'm so happy for both of you, remember to come back and post your finished ring! Good luck!
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