(Closed) HELP! He thinks it is too BIG?!?!

posted 9 years ago in Rings
Post # 3
Member
162 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: September 2009

I think this is a perfect example of one of those moments as a couple where you learn that the most important opinion is yours and your fiances and no one else. it only matters that both of you feel comfortable with the ring selection. I don’t think you have to justify your selection of a larger stone with saying its a great deal (which is SWEET that you were able to score one). It sounds like you are both mindful of the budget you set and not going crazy spending an egregious amoutn you can’t afford. Never let other people’s small mindness hold you back from being happy!

Post # 4
Member
1956 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: June 2010 - Tannery Pond at the Darrow School

that is a rediculous price for a 2.2 carat stone, mine was almost as much for almost a carat less! i say go for the big one, it will truly be an heirloom to pass on to one of your children someday….also, congrats on (almost) getting your ring!!

Post # 5
Member
2208 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: September 2009

I agree with misgirard – this has to be a decision for the two of you and others needn’t worry about it.   That deal is unbelievable – its not like you are blowing absurd and egregioius money on it

Post # 6
Member
544 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: November 2009

Don’t get caught up in size and/or money.  Make sure that the 2.2 carat is comparable.  Meaning that the cut, color, clarity are similar to the 1.1 carat diamond.  I have a round brilliant and they are *gorgeous*  But bigger is not neccessarily better. Check out the GIA rating of each.  It seems a bit odd that a larger diamond is only $750 more. You might be sacrificing quality for size. 

 Don’t worry about what the family thinks.  Your FI is paying for the ring.  So if he’s happy and you are happy…..that’s all that matters.  And I love the fact that you are using family heirloom diamonds as part of the e-ring. 

Post # 7
Member
484 posts
Helper bee

Your diamond dealer must really love you b/c I have Never heard of 2+ carat ring for 7K. If the stone is a good one this is a deal you can not pass up. Explain that to your fiance. Have him read this thread if that will help. It doesn’t matter what anyone thinks about the things you two purchase as couple. One could argue that his parents could withhold help with tuition b/c he decided to purchase a ring, no matter the size. So since you’ve both made the decision to buy one, you might as well buy the best one you can afford.

ps is the stone GIA certified? If it isn’t, consider asking the jeweler to send it in at his cost to be analyzed. 

Post # 8
Member
2324 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: February 2018

I agree with what everybody else said about making sure it’s certified, etc. Because my ring is around 2.5 and we paid much more for it then 7k, even with a great deal. Like double what you’re being quoted. 

 

Now, as far as the size goes, I got my ring when I was 24. I’ve never had anybody make a comment about how it was too big for my age or anything. My husband is 6 years older then me and was about two years away from making partner though, so maybe that’s what he’s worried about. If he really thinks his parents won’t help with his tuition if he buys the larger one, you need to think about that. Law school is EXPENSIVE. Good Luck! 

Post # 10
Member
2820 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: February 2013

Personally, I think 2.2 carats is too big. Even 1.1 looks really big to me!

Of course, it’s your ring, and you should be happy with it…but if I was your fiance’s parents, I would be significantly less willing to contribute to his tuition if he spent $7K on a piece of jewelry.

Sorry to be blunt, but that’s just how I would feel about the situation. I think if you want the bigger diamond, you should definitely think about paying for the difference in cost.

Post # 11
Member
7082 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: July 2009

Ultimately only you and your fiance can decide, but I think I’m picking up on something from your fiance through your words.  I get the sense that he is uncomfortable with the larger diamond because it might seem pretentious or materialistic to him.

I know that many women love the big sparkly, but you have to both be able to live with the choice as a couple.

We seriously considered 2 different diamonds.  One was slightly bigger than a carat and one was just a carat.  We ultimately picked the one that faced up smaller (even though it was the bigger stone by weight) because it felt more appropriate to us.  We had been offered a 2 ct family stone and turned it down.  It just wasn’t in our personalities (especially his) to have such big bling.

I guess what I’m saying is make sure that you honor your honey in this decision as well as yourself.  You want him to be thrilled every time he looks at your ring!

A great deal on a stone means nothing if one half of the couple is unhappy with the option.

Post # 12
Member
484 posts
Helper bee

doctorgirl has an excellent point.  My FH was more than OK with buying a larger diamond and in fact, I think he actually likes it more than I do. He stares at it all the time and is Very Proud he was able to give me something so special. With that said, if he didn’t feel this way about it and instead looked at it as a burden, that would definitely take all the joy away from it for me.

I would sit with your man and go over the reasons why he isn’t into this larger stone. Is it strictly b/c of his parents/tuition money? Does he think its flashy b/c you are young? Or b/c he just thinks its flashy? If he’s going to be a lawyer, presumable he will make more money one day and your ring might be more fitting to your future lifestyle. Would he prefer to upgrade later on, etc? 

You could also put the money towards a diamond wedding band as a compromise. 

 

Post # 13
Member
1732 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2010

Do you just want it because it’s bigger?  it’s more $ (even with a deal) and less quality.  Your FI doesn’t seem enthusiastic either. 

A 1.1 is a gorgeous size, especially in a 3-stone.  Mine is a 1.2 and the side stones are .5 in a pave band … sound familiar?   A larger stone actually looked odd with the setting.  It was waayyyyy too big for the side stones and looked strange on my hand. 

Try to take the emotion out of this and see it from FI’s perspective.  A smaller diamond may look better, fit your life better, and make more sense right now.  Worst case, you can always upgrade down the road.

Post # 14
Member
1048 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2009 - City Hall

Mr. MJ had similar concerns about modesty. Not because his parents were helping him pay for anything, but he just did’nt want to seem like flashy people, especially since we also both recently got new cars, and a new TV, yada yada yada. What helped us was that he told his parents we paid for it in full, without debt (it’s true). That helped them to know that we were being responsible and had budgeted for this. I think the same would be true with your FI’s parents (from what you said). If they knew the kind of amazing deal you got, they’d be all for it.

Personally though, I’d choose the higher color and clarity stone, even if its smaller. Esepcially if you’re setting it in white gold – I don’t remember whether you said you were. Mine’s an F and it looks SO SO white. Love it. A good quality diamond is rarer and more beautiful than a big lower quality one. Look at it in various lights (including outside), and you’ll see. The c’s are so important to us that we also made sure all of our smaller stones (mine and his) were at least G in color. It’s just going to look so much better quality in the long run. Your priorities are, of course, your own, and if size is your main factor, then go for the bigger one! $750 doesnt even buy the BOOKS for law school am I right?

Post # 15
Member
513 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2009

One thing I have heard from many women over the years about diamonds is "Be careful. They shrink."

That’s all. If you don’t get it now, you’ll probably end up wanting to upgrade later. But tread with caution, wear kid gloves. 

Post # 16
Member
183 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: October 2009

While I know I LOVE the big rocks, in reality, it’s not the size of the diamond that matters, it’s the person that gave it to you. You know deep down if he (like most FHs including mine) had no worries he would give you exactly what you wanted. I agree with maryjane about going for the higher quality color and clarity, it’s totally worth it, especially when people look at it and go, "Wow, you’ve got a real sparkler! He knew what he was doing." Good luck whatever decision you make and congratulations! 

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