Help, Help- no proposal- long

posted 3 years ago in Waiting
Post # 3
Member
81 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: October 2013

@OneDayDutcher:  Why in such a rush?  You both are still very young.  

Post # 4
Member
1441 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2014

@OneDayDutcher:  Why does he keep lying to you?  What does he want?  It seems like he does not want to get engaged yet but is appeasing you by lying… not good.

Post # 5
Member
744 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: May 2014

@OneDayDutcher:  Hopefully he will propose soon.  I get that guys have their own timeline but my main issue with him is that he told you what you wanted to hear and then did not do it.  He needs to take you seriously and not just lie to you to get you off of his back.

If I were you I would evaluate your health issue and decide how long you think you can wait for him to propose and not lose your ability to have children (if that is a dealbreaker to you).

Post # 6
Member
536 posts
Busy bee

@MissyDoll:  I think the OP mentioned something about health issues that may impact their ability to conceive.  Not sure if she added that after your post.

OP, did he offer an explanation of why he did not propose at Christmas if he has the money set aside for a ring?  I’m not sure what a quad is, but I’d be pretty upset too if that happened.  Since it sounds like your finances are merged, he essentially lied to get something he wanted with your mutual money.  It’s promising that he seems to have a plan now, but I’d really want to know more about why the original plan didn’t happen.

Post # 7
Member
1108 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2015

He doesn’t have the ring but has money set asdie.  And he is going to do it within the next month with some elaborate plan?  Sounds like he’s tying to buy time.  I’d be wondering if he even really have the money set aside for a ring.  Too bad you can’t check his savings account to be sure of that!

Post # 9
Member
81 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: October 2013

@spezia:  Oh thanks, didnt see it!!

@OneDayDutcher:  If that’s the case it might be time to give him an ultimatium.  Be honest with him, tell him you need to have kids soon because of health reasons and if hes not ready then you need to find someone else who is.  This may be hard, but don’t let him waste your time.

Post # 12
Member
879 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: June 2015

@OneDayDutcher:  So he bought you a snowmobile and is buying himself a quad? It seems like his priorities are very different than yours at the moment. Talking openly to him about this, and perhaps discussing a timeline, might be beneficial… However, I get the sense that the two of you are on different pages and you are pushing it a bit. Perhaps let it go for now (as hard as that is) and give him the space to purchase a ring and propose if he chooses to. If he hasn’t in the next 3-6 months, then may you have some decisions to make… 

Post # 13
Member
1500 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2013

@OneDayDutcher:  uh… I’m concerned with whether this guy knows how to handle money! And money is one of the TOP reasons why people get divorced. First off, I’m so sorry to hear that there was no proposal, I’d be just as frustrated as you are. Second, it sounds like you guys own a house – has he been responsible about the house? How does he spend money normally? I don’t see how a quad or a snowmobile are anywhere practical when clearly, the thing you wanted the most was an engagement. And then on top of that, he LIED to you and LIED again! I don’t believe at all that there are plans. I don’t believe that he was even thinking about getting engaged and may likely be stalling. You guys need a heart to heart but from the actions so far, I’m sorry, he’s got the house and he’s got you living in it, he doesn’t sound like he understands why he has to get married. 

Post # 14
Member
980 posts
Busy bee

for a second I thought you were talking about buying a $3000 quad/cluster ring and I thought you were taking issue with that! Lol! I’m glad that’s not the case. I would definitely be feeling as though he is leading you on a bit though and would not be happy with him for lying. I think you really need to have a heart to heart and see where he stands or what his concerns are.

If there’s no money or commitment issues maybe suggest that you can show him a few rings that you like and he can choose from there. That may help him make a decision but still be a little more conventional? 

Post # 15
Hostess
7630 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: January 2013

I wouldn’t be ok with my SO lying to me to pacify me. This is the most important decision of your life. You should be able to communicate and come to an agreement together.  I would talk to him and let him know how you feel. Then just let it go. If he wants to propose, he will. If he doesn’t I think you should move on. 

Post # 16
Member
416 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: October 2009

I would certainly be highly pissed about his lies; I would have a hard time believing owt he says about engagement plans now. I think this situation is beyond surprises, but then I am not big on that concept to begin with. 

How passionate are YOU about snowmobiling?  Do you like to ride them, or is this a chance for him to get another toy by saying it is for you. I am trying not to be harsh, but this situation slightly angers me on your behalf. If you like/wanted/are interested in snowmobiling, that is different. 

To me, it seems you wish to get on with life, and he wants to play about. I hope this does get sorted in a positive way for you. 

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