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So I came to weddingbee b/c I knew virtually nothing about weddings. And I feel like I STILL. KNOW. NOTHING!
I am having a destination wedding in Las Vegas and I have been receiving a lot of feedback about the things I'm um, supposed to have. Now, I'm not having a lot of the "supposed to haves" - no veil, no special dances, virtually no bridal party...but it is important to me to take good care of our guests.
for example - OOT bags - everyone already is saying will be staying at different hotels which are all HUGE despite my efforts to do a room block. I cannot see how I can do this but apparently its expected and I am a bad bride if I don't do them! And I guess I can give them out at our welcome event, but how can put them together if I am traveling to Vegas myself?
I did a poll b/c well, I love polls. What do you guys think? I personally could care less about a OOT bag (I got one once and thought it was nice and all but didn't care that much) but I'm guessing that's just me.
I think that the out of town bags woul dbe a nice gesture since it's a destination wedding. I'm choosing not to do them though. If you weren't having a destination I'd say no biggie..but there doesn't have to be a heck of a lot in them.
Honestly? I don't think you HAVE to have any of those things. As long as you feed and entertain your geusts at the actual wedding, destination or not, that's all that should be expected. If you did anything on that list, it would be extra.
If I had to pick one, though, I would actually go for the OOT bags :) Sorry, but I'm a sucker for things like that. I think it's so cool to have something from the hosts waiting for me in my hotel room. Especially when there's a bottle of water ... you can never have too much water when traveling, right?
ETA: I should mention that when we attend DW's, unless we're super close with the couple's families, or we're good friends with a lot of the other guests, we probably wouldn't be into the group events. We usually prefer to explore on our own and take care of ourselves with transportation and such. But that's just us :)
You didn't have an option for "none of these" so I marked other.
Of the ones listed the only ones I'd try to do if possible:
1. events paid for by you/parents - with a destination wedding these are a nice gesture - but casual get togethers that don't require money are nice too
2. transportation to wedding - which you're already doing
I would definitely consider OOT bags just so that everyone traveling in feels welcomed and thought about. I don't think that you absolutely have to have them though.
I asked my FMIL to be in charge of the OOT bags which takes the responsibility off of me. Is there someone that could take care of them for you? There are several Costco stores in Vegas where you could load up on snacks and goodies (assuming you are getting there a few days before your wedding). Because lots of people travel there I'm sure maps and brochures would be easy to come by as well.
I am a big fan of having multiple hosted events if you are asking people to go to a destination wedding - to ask people to fly far I do believe you should be providing more than a single event ( the wedding) where at all possible! OOT bags are also a nice way to welcome people. However, I only think this needs to be done at hotels where rooms are blocked! For those that stayed elsewhere, well how many hotels can you really get to?
Umm...I voted "Something else and I will explain" because you didn't have the option I wanted: NONE OF THESE! None of those things are required. Just because it's a DW? You don't HAVE to have OOT bags. Or favors. You most certainly are not obligated to host events for the guests financially nor pay for accomodations nor transportation. A DW is a financially burdensome wedding to attend, but that is the choice your guests are making.
PS-I did OOT bags, and I also had to travel to my wedding. I just put them together when we checked in to the hotel, then put them in the car and delivered them at the rehearsal dinner. Everyone liked them!
thanks everyone!
i do like the idea of OOT bags but they seem to be so expensive (last OOT bag I got had about $30 worth of stuff in there- and i don't know how to swing giving them out at our welcome event b/c it's an evening event and we are planning our bachelor/bachelorette party for right afterward hmmm...will give this more thought.
we are planning to have a welcome cocktails event but nothing else - the coed bachelor party everyone will pay their own way I;m assuming according to my partner - I have only been to two bachelorette parties and both times I paid my own way so I figured this would be the case
my great aunt actually freaked out b/c we are not paying for everyones hotel room! i mean, there are about 50 guests and I have NEVER been to a DW where I was paid for - even when I was in the wedding party so this was a shocker for me I did not tell her we are paying for the people actually in the wedding
i chose favors, OOT bags, and wedding transport (not for the whole time, just the wedding). None are necessary, all are nice. I traveled with my OOT bags disassembled and put them together in my hotel for our wedding. I think people appreciated the gesture. Your situation is a bit different though since people are in multiple hotels. I think it'd be nice if you guys had the wedding, and if you do a rehearsal, have a dinner too. With DWs, it's not rude to skip them, but it's highly encouraged to have at least one other hosted event. After all, everyone is flying out and staying for a few days to celebrate with you. If you or someone in your family hosts another dinner, like a rehearsal dinner, you could give your bags out then. Or if you want to skip it, get a fun favor! I normally don't like favors but come on! Vegas is so fun and you could find a zillion great things to give out.
The wedding, and another catered event would be at the top of the good things to have at DWs. Then transport. Then OOT bags. Then favors.
If you're doing a welcome dinner, just hand out OOT bags there!
Anything else i don't think is entirely necessary
@wildstyle: Yeah, umm, our OOT bags were NOT $30 each! We put in local maps (free), some snacks that were locally-made (MAYBE $8 per bag), a bottle of water that was also local ($1) and an itinerary for the weekend as well as a personalized note. We used gable boxes that ended up being about $2 each, so, ballpark, we spent about $13-$15 each after all the paper and ribbon was purchased for the notes. They don't have to be elaborate.
We also assembled ours at the hotel once we got there. Our mom's drove all the supplies down for us.
But yeah, they're not necessary, I just didn't want you to think they had to be fancy. People more or less just appreciate the sentiment.
oh my goodness i am so overwhelmed.
@melissabegins - we are not having a formal rehearsal so i wasn't planning to do an RD. are you suggesting another hosted dinner for all 50 guests? i'm just asking it's not out of the question or anything - i mean, i'm a little scared about the concept but i might be able to swing it.
Ditto @chapstick regarding the bags.. they dont have to be too expensive at all! we gave out bags, but we DIYed the s*** out of them. Printed info about the island on green/red/yellow paper (jamaica colors), printed out a weekend brochure and timeline, burned 2 cds per bag, added a pool toy, and we made favors - customized coozies for cold beers - and put them inside, too. I used a cotton drawstring bag and a homemade stamp w/ our logo for the bag itself. Really not an expensive OOT bag, but it looked very personal and they were useful. We also got a couple cases of water too, not too expensive.
Um, NONE OF THE ABOVE. Everything you listed is something I would consider going above-and-beyond, something very nice to delight and wow your guests to make them feel extra-welcome. None of this is necessary! Where do people get these ideas? Your guests should expect to attend one event that is paid for, and that is the wedding.
Don't underestimate the uses of the OOT bag. Ours will contain a timeline that makes it exceptionally clear to all of our travelling guests when they can and can't expect to see us and how to get from Point A to Point B. Hopefully, this will lessen the number of frantic phone calls we have to field the day before and day of.
Also, they don't have to be bags. Ours are going to be boxes tied with pretty ribbon, a la Mrs. Apple Cider.
@wildstyle - yeah, try to have organized events.. doesn't have to be $$$... we did have a rehearsal dinner that my in laws threw, which was nice. But you are having the welcome drinks - that's hosted, no? I think that will work out great! It's more about giving your guests expectations and things to do .. we tried to be clear what was hosted, and invite people along to join us for the things that weren't hosted. Don't worry about spending and spending - it's more about just making sure everyone is aquainted and comfy. to me anyway! Sounds like you have that part covered.
Okay guys here is what I am thinking - let me know if you think this is "enough"
- welcome cocktails and snacks at an ice bar where guests would get photos taken with the ice sculptures, one or two drinks on us, and nibbles
- cermony pre drinks (non alcoholic)
- cocktail hour and three or four course dinner with open bar
- transportation to and from wedding site
- probably some small favor at the wedding (i have a connection that may be able to provide something very nice at a small cost)
I think you should do the OOT bags for ppl who are staying at the hotel you blocked. If they decided to go off on their own, then so be it... they don't get a bag then!
@teaandtoast - true! I got a TON of questions during the wedding weekend. "What time is the boat?" "Where is dinner?" "What time's the rehearsal?"
Same answer for everything - "it's in your packet!!!". It was great. :) I can't remember what everybody is up to all the time, so i had DH write it all up in a brochure.
I don't think you have to do any of those things. I've been to many out of town weddings and have never, ever, in my entire life, gotten an OOT bag.
To the extent that an OOT bag is part of etiquette, I think that is true only with regards to providing good information to your guests. Because you are travelling (I assume by plane), the only thing that I think you really should do is provide a good map for your guests, a schedule, and a list of other activities that are special or you will be doing (like, going to a show? let them know that they can join you, for $60 or whatever). Little treats or other cutesy things are fine, but information at a destination wedding is priceless.
To get these to your guests I would just recommend dropping them off with the front desk. A decent hotel should be able to get them to whomever is staying with them. If you don't know where everyone is staying, it is perfectly fine to hand out info packets at the welcome event.
The etiquette police say only that you have to actually host the parties that you formally invite people to, ie no cash bar at the reception or cocktail event. None of that other stuff is at all necessary.
On the other hand, I think it would be nice to say to people "FI and I and our families will be hanging at _ bar/having brunch at _ restaurant, feel free to join us", meaning you're not paying for them but would love to spend time with them. This is especially good when it's a free or low-cost event that they might be doing anyway - everyone's gotta get breakfast, after all.
As for OOT bags, I agree they're a nice gesture but expensive. You could just do maps (free from tourist center), a printout of things to do/places to eat nearby, a bottle of water, and two lindt chocolates/andes mints/bag of m&ms or something (I like chocolate!). Or skip them entirely but put maps and stuff to do on your website so people can at least print them out. And you could hand them out as people leave the welcome cocktail party, to keep the stress down.
In the end, people will remember a crazy stressed-out bride long after they forget about favors or lack of favors, keep that in mind!
i like everyone's ideas on the OOT bags - especially teantoast's idea!
and maybe like one of you posted i can put my in laws to work. my MIL is hyper organized maybe she would be a good OOT bag person!!
NONE OF THE ABOVE! :)
You are hosting a wedding. You have a welcome dinner AND are having your bachelorette/bachelor party. That's plenty of events and provided entertainment for your guests. OOT bags are very nice, but they are not a necessity. If you do make them, I suggest going very DIY style- maybe make a "vegas survival kit"? Water, aspirin, snacks? My SIL did this for her wedding- there was literally nothing personalized about the bags, no water bottle labels, no homemade things, nothing- and everyone thought they were great. Maybe include a list of fun things to see in Vegas- you could easily make something to print out at home.
Besides, you are getting married in Vegas and to me, that means you have even LESS responsibility to provide things to do since there are so many things to do there.
We didn't have it in our budget to do OOT bags. We did an itinerary that was left at the front desk of the hotel for each guest when they checked in. The itinerary included local attractions and maps and welcomed the guests to our wedding. I think passing something like that out at the Welcome Dinner would be sufficient. Favors and OOT bags are NOT a wedding requirement. Just like wearing a veil or having a cake is NOT a weddign requirement.
great advice everyone! i was actually thinking since it's vegas maybe i can make a little "hangover kit" to give out at the welcome drinks - advil, water, chips, etc? and then it would make sense to give these out at the welcome drinks
miss root - i didn't see your post before making mine - love the "vegas survival kit' name! - stealing that!
I love the hangover kit! hilarious. I would definitely appreciate that and get a nice laugh over it, and you could totally do it so cheaply by hitting a Costco and getting some ibuprofin, baggies, etc :) I love it! that is definitely unique and fabulous.
@hopewell - I am super type b most of the time and I don't intend on being stressed out at all - but we'll see!
@melissabegins - glad you like the idea b/c i totally think I'm gonna do it! i want my guests to laugh and have fun (although I do hope my granny doesn't need a hangover kit!)
I didn't read through all the other posts, but since everyone's staying at different locations, I'd want to present them with a little "time line" or schedule so they'll all arrive at the specified locations on time!
I think the hangover idea is cute!
(Maybe just be sure you don't hand one out to someone in AA..?)
You need to add another option "none"
By formal etiquette and in my opinion you are not required to do ANYthing listed.
Go with what you love and have decided to do and have fun!
Okay, first off I have NEVER been paid for at a DW! Even if your a Trump, Rockefeller, Gates, etc. you should NOT be expected to pay a guests' accomodations.
I'm a BIG fan of OOT bags. It's such a nice gesture to show guests that you appreciate all the effort it took to come to your DW. It doesn't have to be big...our OOT "bag" for our practically destination wedding (local for us, but destination for 80% of our guests) will include a personalized bottle of water, a list of local attractions & suggested eateries, and a hand-written welcome/thank you note for coming. (debating on the affordability of adding a folded fan or spray-mister- it's hot in the summer in SoCal) It's nothing fancy, but it's thoughtful, just like the guest's attendance at your wedding.
However, at EVERY DW I've been to (ironically, several, now that I think about it), there have been multiple events hosted by either the couple, the bride's parents, or the groom's parents. It just seems appropriate that you do more than just host a 6 hour event when they are most likely setting aside 72+ hours to show up. You're already doing a welcome party, so I figure you've got that covered. If you're looking to add some & want some suggestions, here are some I've attended, but please know that I'm NOT insinuating that you do any of the following:
Rehearsal Dinner (like a welcome party, really)
Sight-seeing tour (I've been on a paid one, but one couple also hosted a Free walking tour, led by the groom)
After-Party (could be as simple as hosting the first round at a post-party bar/club crawl - not hosting the whole night)
Day After Brunch
Please note that we are doing NONE of these, but we are hosting TWO ceremonies & TWO receptions on our wedding weekend (plus we're hosting a bride's hometown reception 6 months after)...so I think we've got this covered in that sense.
I'm also a fan of favors...I've never been to a wedding that didn't have them. But then, there's a first for everything & our wedding will be first I've been to that doesn't have the father-daughter dance, nor any bouquets, nor any champagne (guests can toast with whatever (alcoholic or non-alcoholic) drink is handy), so I'm not judging you if you're forgoing favors. Actually, since they're travelling, maybe not having favors is actually considerate (extra packing).
@teantoast - oh no - I have two guests in AA! they would probably laugh though
If I had to suggest something it would be out of town bags, because those a re a really nice gesture for everyone away from home.
But don't feel guilt from the etiquette police...they're not the boss of you!
I too marked other because I don't think you need to have any of those items listed to run afoul of any etiquette standards. I had a destination wedding and we just did candy favors and had NO complaints. Also, I live in Vegas and transportation along the strip is very easy.
@latte - yes i know. everyone seems to have an opinion and i actually think we're having nice events but some of our friends are very wealthy so i'm thinking they expect a lot and i guess i don't want to disappoint. i have a tendancy to go overboard too so im really trying not to!
Actually, I AM the etiquette police. And I, too, voted for "none of the above".
A destination wedding is a compromise on an elopement. It SHOULD be more simple than a grand home wedding. You've already agreed to let people in on your romantic escape, which is enough of a compromise. You don't need to let them dictate any unreasonable add-ons. You CERTAINLY don't need any kitchy fads like favours and OOT bags, which look to children's birthday parties and business conventions, respectively, for their inspiration. At best, those are an entirely optional indulgence, and then only if done with very good taste and care.
If you actually invite people, then you "must have"
- clear indication of where the wedding will be held. People don't mind having to drive in circles a few times in their home town, but it's too stressful in a strange place. You don't need to send a map, but make sure the address on the invitation is good and clear.
- a reception. A proper one, where you take time to have some personal conversation with every guest. If they travel that far to be with you, they deserve that consideration. It doesn't need to have dancing and catered food, but there should be refreshments of some sort and a pleasant environment. After all, they can't go hole up at home if you let them down, and Las Vegas hotels are notoriously short on amenities.
- your availability. If anyone else wants to plan an event in your honour while you are all down there, you should accept their invitation, so that you can spend more time with the people who have sacrificed their vacation fund and time to be with you for your wedding.
That's it. Do that part graciously, and the rest of the demands can roll of your back like water.
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