(Closed) Help help – the ettiquette police are after me!

posted 8 years ago in Etiquette
  • poll: wildstyle's destination wedding must haves so the etiquette police don't lock her up
    Out of town bags : (32 votes)
    33 %
    Favors : (20 votes)
    21 %
    Multiple wedding events paid for by the bride/groom : (11 votes)
    11 %
    Accomodations paid for by the bride/groom (not gonna happen but some people think we are paying!) : (0 votes)
    Transportation (we are doing this but to and from the wedding venue only, not to the welcome party) : (18 votes)
    19 %
    Something else which I will explain : (15 votes)
    16 %
  • Post # 3
    7152 posts
    Busy Beekeeper
    • Wedding: October 2010

    I think that the out of town bags woul dbe a nice gesture since it’s a destination wedding. I’m choosing not to do them though. If you weren’t having a destination I’d say no biggie..but there doesn’t have to be a heck of a lot in them.

    Post # 4
    2015 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: August 2009

    Honestly? I don’t think you HAVE to have any of those things. As long as you feed and entertain your geusts at the actual wedding, destination or not, that’s all that should be expected. If you did anything on that list, it would be extra.

    If I had to pick one, though, I would actually go for the Out of Town bags 🙂 Sorry, but I’m a sucker for things like that. I think it’s so cool to have something from the hosts waiting for me in my hotel room. Especially when there’s a bottle of water … you can never have too much water when traveling, right?

    ETA: I should mention that when we attend DW’s, unless we’re super close with the couple’s families, or we’re good friends with a lot of the other guests, we probably wouldn’t be into the group events. We usually prefer to explore on our own and take care of ourselves with transportation and such. But that’s just us 🙂

    Post # 5
    1154 posts
    Bumble bee

    You didn’t have an option for “none of these” so I marked other.

    Of the ones listed the only ones I’d try to do if possible:

    1. events paid for by you/parents – with a destination wedding these are a nice gesture – but casual get togethers that don’t require money are nice too

    2. transportation to wedding – which you’re already doing

    Post # 6
    681 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: March 2018

    I would definitely consider Out of Town bags just so that everyone traveling in feels welcomed and thought about. I don’t think that you absolutely have to have them though.

    I asked my Future Mother-In-Law to be in charge of the Out of Town bags which takes the responsibility off of me. Is there someone that could take care of them for you? There are several Costco stores in Vegas where you could load up on snacks and goodies (assuming you are getting there a few days before your wedding). Because lots of people travel there I’m sure maps and brochures would be easy to come by as well.

    Post # 7
    2695 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: February 2008

    I am a big fan of having multiple hosted events if you are asking people to go to a destination wedding – to ask people to fly far I do believe you should be providing more than a single event ( the wedding) where at all possible! Out of Town bags are also a nice way to welcome people. However, I only think this needs to be done at hotels where rooms are blocked! For those that stayed elsewhere, well how many hotels can you really get to?

    Post # 8
    5823 posts
    Bee Keeper

    Umm…I voted “Something else and I will explain” because you didn’t have the option I wanted: NONE OF THESE!  None of those things are required.  Just because it’s a DW?  You don’t HAVE to have Out of Town bags.  Or favors.  You most certainly are not obligated to host events for the guests financially nor pay for accomodations nor transportation.  A Destination Wedding is a financially burdensome wedding to attend, but that is the choice your guests are making.

    PS-I did Out of Town bags, and I also had to travel to my wedding.  I just put them together when we checked in to the hotel, then put them in the car and delivered them at the rehearsal dinner.  Everyone liked them!

    Post # 10
    3125 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: December 2009

    i chose favors, Out of Town bags, and wedding transport (not for the whole time, just the wedding). None are necessary, all are nice. I traveled with my Out of Town bags disassembled and put them together in my hotel for our wedding. I think people appreciated the gesture. Your situation is a bit different though since people are in multiple hotels. I think it’d be nice if you guys had the wedding, and if you do a rehearsal, have a dinner too. With DWs, it’s not rude to skip them, but it’s highly encouraged to have at least one other hosted event. After all, everyone is flying out and staying for a few days to celebrate with you.  If you or someone in your family hosts another dinner, like a rehearsal dinner, you could give your bags out then. Or if you want to skip it, get a fun favor! I normally don’t like favors but come on! Vegas is so fun and you could find a zillion great things to give out. 

    The wedding, and another catered event would be at the top of the good things to have at DWs. Then transport. Then Out of Town bags. Then favors.

    Post # 11
    1982 posts
    Buzzing bee

    If you’re doing a welcome dinner, just hand out Out of Town bags there!

    Anything else i don’t think is entirely necessary

    Post # 12
    2015 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: August 2009

    @wildstyle: Yeah, umm, our Out of Town bags were NOT $30 each! We put in local maps (free), some snacks that were locally-made (MAYBE $8 per bag), a bottle of water that was also local ($1) and an itinerary for the weekend as well as a personalized note. We used gable boxes that ended up being about $2 each, so, ballpark, we spent about $13-$15 each after all the paper and ribbon was purchased for the notes. They don’t have to be elaborate.

    We also assembled ours at the hotel once we got there. Our mom’s drove all the supplies down for us.

    But yeah, they’re not necessary, I just didn’t want you to think they had to be fancy. People more or less just appreciate the sentiment.

    Post # 14
    3125 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: December 2009

    Ditto @chapstick regarding the bags.. they dont have to be too expensive at all!  we gave out bags, but we DIYed the s*** out of them. Printed info about the island on green/red/yellow paper (jamaica colors), printed out a weekend brochure and timeline, burned 2 cds per bag, added a pool toy, and we made favors – customized coozies for cold beers – and put them inside, too. I used a cotton drawstring bag and a homemade stamp w/ our logo for the bag itself.  Really not an expensive Out of Town bag, but it looked very personal and they were useful. We also got a couple cases of water too, not too expensive.

    Post # 15
    1570 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: March 1996

    Um, NONE OF THE ABOVE. Everything you listed is something I would consider going above-and-beyond, something very nice to delight and wow your guests to make them feel extra-welcome. None of this is necessary! Where do people get these ideas? Your guests should expect to attend one event that is paid for, and that is the wedding.

    Post # 16
    2398 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: April 2010

    Don’t underestimate the uses of the Out of Town bag.  Ours will contain a timeline that makes it exceptionally clear to all of our travelling guests when they can and can’t expect to see us and how to get from Point A to Point B.  Hopefully, this will lessen the number of frantic phone calls we have to field the day before and day of.

    Also, they don’t have to be bags.  Ours are going to be boxes tied with pretty ribbon, a la Mrs. Apple Cider.

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