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Well in general you aren't supposed to invite people to the shower who aren't invited to the wedding.
Do all these people know they aren't invited to the wedding? Are they going to be offended to find out they aren't?
The problem with discouraging gifts is that a shower- by definition- is supposed to involve gifts to help the bride and groom set up their life together.
I think since the guests will mainly be her friends and distant family, they are not expecting invites. I am guessing you will have never met many of these poeple and will not see them again. I wouldnt worry about it too much. Just send hand written thank you cards for all of the gifts. Your FI's great-aunt wants to throw you a party, so let her.
I would let your Fi's aunt know your guest list. My mom is throwing us a shower in my hometown and almost everyone there won't be invited to the wedding. But all of those people already know they aren't invited and have decided to go to the shower anyway. Some people might assume they are invited to the wedding just because they get a shower invite. To avoid hurt feelings and being uncomfortable around relatives, it's best to be as clear as possible about the invites before the wedding. If someone knows they aren't invited and goes to the shower anyway that's their choice, but you don't want someone to just assume and then get their feelings hurt.
I think it would be best to run this by the great aunt. Perhaps she doesn't know that is a no no. Or maybe she already told them they wouldn't be invited to the wedding. That way you can enjoy yourself and stop worrying about people's feelings.
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I am getting married May 23, and my fiance's great-aunt has very graciously offered to throw us a Jack & Jill shower. I am really excited about it, especially since I may not be having any sort of bridal shower.
The problem is, she will be inviting all of her children and other distant relations who are not invited to our wedding, a small gathering of about 70 people. Our wedding invites have already gone out and there will be a number of people at the shower who have not been invited to the wedding. I think they may also be bringing gifts. Is this okay? Should I tell the hostess or discourage guests from bringing a gift? I don't want to offend the hostess or any of the guests, but I'd really love a shower. If you have any advice, sage bees, please share!
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