Post # 1
Me and my best friend recently got engaged which is great! Her fiance and my fiance are best friends too which is lovely and means we all go out together, have similar interests, get on really well and have the same goals and aspirations!
However sometimes when i look at their lives i feel down about my own and i know its silly but i just do sometimes.
My friends fiance has just had a good promotion and she has just got a new job working with him in the same building, both on really good money, more than me and my partner anyway and i had to gain qualifications for my job!
Both our fiances are aiming to be air traffic controllers , the application proces alone is a mission and very few pass, but guess what my firends fiance has been called back for further assesment while my lovely man didnt! he was so upset and is thinking about giving up, i told him not to but he is just upset at the moment.
We are all saving money so we can buy a house in the next year which is fine , we are struggling to just about save the thousands we need and i have taken on extra jobs just to save that little bit extra! its so hard! and to top it all we were told that my friends fiance had just been given a very large amount of money from his family towards their deposit to buy a house! grrrr
Now dont get me wrong we will have saved enough money to get a nice 2 bed appartment but i would just love a bigger place and i know that they are looking at the sort of place we cannot afford but would love !
It seems like everyone else is so lucky and things just happen for them while we are here struggling !
Im not a jealous person usually but i do feel so jealous at the moment and i shouldnt, i should be happy , they are our best friends, im just really stuggling with life at the moment!
Advice please Bees
Post # 3
I really think you need to stop comparing yourself to your friends. Everyone has their own luck and struggles. I feel like I *could* write a similar post to you in that my very good friend/MOH just got engaged and her and her fiance have wayyyy more money than me and mine do. They both come from money, we do not. She makes about 3x my base salary (we’re both lawyers). Their wedding will cost about 3 times what ours will. But the thing is… I don’t begrudge her/them any of it and I don’t feel badly about it at ALL. It isn’t a competition. I love her and I’m so happy that she’s happy! Who cares if her wedding costs more? that doesn’t make it better than mine it just makes it different. They don’t think anything bad of us because we don’t have as much money as them, why should we think anything bad about them because they make more? There will always be people with more and less than you… if you spend your whole life comparing what you have to everyone else you will seriously come up unhappy all the time. You should appreciate your blessings, what you have, and work towards your goals in a way that makes sense to you!
Post # 4
First of all, welcome to the bee! And congratulations on your engagement.
It’s so hard not to feel down about your friends’ situations, especially when you spend so much time with them. I’m sorry you’re feeling this way.
What I always try to remind myself though is that life isn’t a competition, despite what we’re often told. Your success in life shouldn’t be defined by anyone but you and your fiance.
To me, it sounds like your life is on a great track. You can get a nice 2-bedroom apartment? That’s awesome! Tons of couples start out in apartments. You and your fiance both have jobs, so there’s always room for advancement/promotions. And you’re getting married to the love of your life. Sounds pretty great. 🙂
Be patient. You and your FI will fulfill your dreams together. Don’t worry about what pace your friends are moving at.
Post # 5
P.S. If your friends are talking about their good fortune a bit too much, you may be able to talk to your best friend about how you and your fiance are having a bit of a tough time and just ask her to be sensitive. If she’s your best friend, she’ll understand and will do anything she can to not make you feel bad!
Post # 6
I can understand your frustration. It’s hard to see someone so close to you succeed in a lot of things, while your struggling. It’s hard to be happy for another person when you feel like you’re in the dumps. It’s true. But, look at it this way. You wouldn’t want your friend to be struggling or going through hard times. You want what’s best for them, even if that means that you’re not doing so well…Things will look better for you hopefully and your struggles will only make you a stronger person in the end. Keep your head up and stay strong! Stay positive!
Post # 7
I think the most important thing here is that you’ve realized that you are jealous. It’s hard not to be envious sometimes, especially when you feel like you are struggling. You might not be able to not be jealous right now, but what really matters are your actions. You can be jealous, but don’t act jealous. Some people continue to insist that they aren’t jealous when they are, and I think that’s when things get ugly.
The thing that has helped me when I feel this way is to remember that I have a lot of good things in my life too–that other people would be jealous about. We all want something that we can’t have.
Post # 8
I hear what you are saying, b/c I actually feel slightly uncomfortable around my one friend whose husband is an I-banker and makes millions. You wouldn’t know it on the surface b/c they are both totally down to earth, they never insist on picking up the check or anything it’s always splitsies adn they never talk about things they are buying/how much they are spending, etc. Basically they never throw it in my face. But I can’t help but think about how fabulous their apartment is vs. mine, how much they are paying a month vs. me and how they go away every other weekend flying first class to some fabulous locale, while I suffer through the NYC heat wave without an air conditioner b/c I don’t want to spend the $600.
My advice to you is to recognize that they may have nicer things than you, but at the end of the day they are real people with real problems and need your friendship. Be there for them the same way you want them to be there for you and focus on being happy for them, as they will be happy for you.