Post # 1
My fiance and I have been engaged for a few months now and we started planning a wedding a while ago. We found the whole process to be stressful and unhappy. both our families argued with us over everything, especially mine. My mom wants a big wedding and is willing to pay for it. She refuses to think that her overbearing pushiness about what she wants us to do has anything to do with our decision that we wanted a small wedding and she is very concerned about who we would leave out. The more we’ve talked about it together, the more we have fallen in love with the idea of just us. Neither of us thinks its right to not tell our parents of our decision though. Her parents are fine with it because they eloped in vegas 35 years ago, but mine will not like it. Do you have any advice for how to break it to my mother that she won’t be at my wedding? We’ve already consented to her throwing a big party later on, but that was when we were going to do a small ceremony too. Now thats not going to happen and we are just going to be married on our own. Please help me.
Post # 3
So, here’s the advice I’d give my friends in highschool about sex and then I’ll explain why I’m sharing it here.
After haing sex with their boyfriend or generally feeling guilty about their sexual behavior, my friends would often approach me and ask, “But how do I tell my Mom?” My response was always, “If you aren’t adult enough to talk to your mother about it, you aren’t adult enough to be having sex.”
I think the same thing goes here but, unlike my high school friends, I think you’re adult enough to get married. Therefore, you need to handle this like you are handling the responsibility of marriage.
I say this because your parents are always going to be around and they need to know where you stand in your relationship. You have to be upfront, clear, and accepting of their reactions but unchanging in your decision.
Post # 4
@tpetrick: I would just tell her what you and your Fiance will be doing. I think it is better for her to find out sooner rather than later. I think she will less upset and disappointed if you let her know that there still can be the big party but that you guys just want to have a private elopement. 🙂 Something to be said about being honest and upfront. 🙂
Post # 5
I think you should just elope and then inform her afterwards. If you tell her beforehand than you just give her an opportunity to try to nag and change your mind. Why allow her to stress you out abotu a decision that you have already made. If the two of you are happy with the idea of eloping than just do it.
Post # 6
I personally think you’re doing the right thing by telling them first. I also think that you may have to consider the fact that no matter what you say your mum will be upset with your decision.
But frankly you can’t please everyone, and you should follow your dreams.
I would probably present it as ‘we have always dreamed of it just being us when we marry’ or some such variation. I’d stress that this is what you want the most, and that by having a wedding with others you were *not* following your dreams and it was making you both unhappy. By all means go for a party with everyone when you all get back, maybe even make sure she knows that she is very involved in that (along with your FI’s parents) so she knows she’s not being left out specifically.
Best of luck!