(Closed) HELP! How to tell guests wedding is downsized!!!!!!

posted 8 years ago in Etiquette
Post # 3
Member
4547 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: September 2010

I think that’s considered a BIG no-no. Is there any way you could cut somewhere else (maybe just do appitizers or something) so you can invite all your guests? Usually at least 20% of people decline so most likely you’ll have 70-80 guests.

Post # 4
Member
268 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2010

Something you could do is a cake and punch type reception in the early afternoon then later in the evening take the bridal party/parents/grandparents out to a nice dinner.

Post # 5
Member
307 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: October 2010

Oh wow, that’s tough.  Is it possible that you could meet with or call some of them?  That just seems more personal and would give you more opportunity to explain the situation, rather than sending a note.  Would that make sense for at least some of the 60 people who you’d need to get that message to?

I’m having a hard time thinking of anything helpful for the notes.. maybe “Our wedding plans have changed”… eek!  I hope someone else has some ideas.  I’ll definitely keep thinking and post back… good luck!

Post # 6
Member
3762 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: May 2010

Yea I don’t think thats an option any more.  I think you have to just cut back on your plans, do everything yourselves and save money that way.  

I mean, I don’t really know how to say, “Sorry, you were on the list but now you aren’t”.  

If you really don’t have enough money, I think you should just call the whole thing off due to financial reasons, go to the JOP or something with immediate family only and maybe do a reception in a few years when you can afford it.  

Post # 7
Member
9057 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2010

I agree that if you’ve invited people, you kind of need to host them.  Perhaps you could do like other posters have said and scale back the reception to brunch or cake/punch.

Post # 9
Member
10367 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: September 2010

We invited 100 and only 65 are coming. Do you have a feel for how many declines you might have? I agree with the PP that you need to cut somewhere else….you can’t univite now.

Post # 10
Member
44 posts
Newbee

I’m sorry to hear about your situation, but I agree with the previous posters. Save-the-dates count as pre-invitations. At this point, you have two choices:

1) Keep your original guest list; just serve everyone fruit punch and cake or cookies. 

2) Cancel your reception, marry in front of only immediate family, and invite only your immediate family to a simple dinner.

Cutting your list by one half and still having a “wedding reception” in the same hall you’d planned before would be very rude to those you cut.

Best wishes!

Post # 11
Member
2373 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: July 2008

I kind of agree with other posters- you can’t uninvite people.. save the dates kind of count as an invitation as people begin to plan their schedules. Regardless of how you would do it- it would be rude.

I’d cut other things back- maybe get married somewhere less expensive (backyard wedding) and cut your costs in other ways (afternoon wedding, cake/punch reception, etc..)

Post # 12
Member
246 posts
Helper bee

I agree that it’s rude to uninvite guests.  However, I have some good news for you!  A large percentage of the guests we invited were out of town and we had a higher decline rate.  It’s just more likely that OOT guests won’t be able to make it than local ones.  So, you may have a smaller group than you are thinking.  Cut some corners, I’m sure you can make it work!

Post # 14
Member
19 posts
Newbee

We have sent almost 300 invitations and are having only 200 at the reception.  There is no reason that everyone can’t come to the ceremony, as long as the church can seat them.  The reception may have to be more intimate.  Many, if not most out of towners can’t come anyway, and if they do they love you a whole lot to put in the effort and expense and I would want them there.

We just sent out the invitations with only 200 of them having a reception card.  The hall just can’t fit more and we can’t feed more!  If we get a lot of declines, then the bride will hand out reception cards to some friends at church that were cut.  All of the out of towners got reception cards, but I doubt many will come.

You may want to have a family and close friend wedding brunch the day of (less expensive food) before the wedding, and invite everyone to the wedding.  That way if anyone asks, tell them that you just had a family brunch.  People who know you well enough to be invited love you enough to not want to bankrupt you just after your fiance returns from war!  I bet if you sent around a sign up sheet, they would all bring food because they would love the chance to celebrate his safe return and your joyful occasion.  Don’t get caught up with needing something fancy.  Your friends just want to celebrate you!

Post # 15
Member
2538 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: July 2010

So this is just me, but I don’t think that it’d be bad to say the unforseen circumstance thing. Your FI is coming back from Iraq and to me, that means a free pass if you’d rather do something differently. Besides, I never even knew what a Save the Date was until I was engaged and came to this website even though I’d received one. Give your FI and a hug and tell him thanks.

Post # 16
Member
837 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2010

Yeah a save the date means they are getting an invite and you can’t uninvite people…  This is why you don’t send save the dates until 6 months out… 

I agree with the others, cut back on something else – music, type of food, time of day (if you don’t eat at a meal time then you don’t have to provide a meal) alcohol, soda (only serve water and tea), etc.  There has to be stuff you can cut, other than your guests.

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