Post # 1
We just met with our priest today and things didn’t go the way we planned.
The Priest didn’t say that he would marry us but he didn’t say he wouldn’t either. He said that we could revisit the subject of marrying us in March after we finished our classes.
This is a problem b/c I really don’t know if I am going to get married on the date that we picked b/c of the Priest is undecided on wether to marry us or not.
So my questions to you Bees is would you still plan your wedding on the date that was set if your not sure if your going to get married?
Continue to Plan to get married on our date
Just wait and see?
Post # 3
I would high-tail it to the nearest Protestant church….don’t get me started about Catholicism (I am marrying a divorced Catholic, who is coming over to the Protestant side because how he was made to feel after his divorce).
I am also the child of a “mixed-marriage” (Catholic and Protestant) and could tell you stories about what my father said to the priest prior to my parent’s ceremony in 1957…)
Post # 4
May I ask what the reason was that your priest gave for being unsure? Because that would change my opinion of what to say. Honestly i’ve never heard of a priest being ambivalent like that.
Post # 5
First I would like to tell you that he is a new priest to our parish and unfortunatly our old priest died 8 years ago at the age of 92 while still in service. He was loved dearly by all of our church members.
Our new priest is nothing like our old one he is very strict. Unfortunaley their are many brides that only come to church to get married and then don’t ever return to church afterwards. And the new priest is determined that he will not marry anyone that is not a completly devoted Catholic. That will not be a true member of the Church. That is why he is waiting to tell us if he will marry us.
Post # 6
I think we need some additional information to be able to advise you. Are the classes you are attending for one of you to join the Catholic Church, or are you only attending pre-Cana classes? Are both of you currently active members of your parish, and do you both intend to be active members of the parish following your marriage?
Post # 7
Plan on the date that you already chose, go to the classes and show up every Sunday for mass. Make sure he knows that you are in attendance each week. If you do everything expected then he should have no reason not to marry you.
Post # 8
I’d tell him no thank you, and go find someone who isn’t so condescending.
Post # 9
Wow, I mean I get the intent behind what he’s trying to do, but it’s coming off as super judgy and, dare I say it, holier-than-thou. Is he doing this to everyone that’s asking to be married there? I guess I’d go ahead and plan around him marrying you guys, making sure to attend basically every mass in the meantime, i guess. Alternatively, do you think he would be open to allowing you guys to bring in an outside priest? We’re actually being married by the deacon from my FI’s church, but in my home parish with home priest celebrating the mass parts because the priest has changed since I moved out and we wanted to be married by someone who knows at least one of us. I don’t know if your Fiance is Catholic as well, but maybe that’s an option?
Post # 10
I would look for other church. That of course depends on the area you live, where I live I could fine 20 Catholic chruches in a 15 mile radius, if that’s the only church near you or if it’s your family church then that plan doesn’t work. Otherwise I would find out if you can bring in an outside priest, as a back up plan.
Post # 11
Is the priest telling you that he just cannot officially book that date for you until you finish the pre-marital classes?
I am a catholic bride and our priest told us straight up that he could ‘pencil us in’ for our date, but it could not be official until we had finished our marriage prep. He assured us that nothing else would be scheduled in place of our wedding, but our diocese requires the counseling to be completed before anything is official.
So maybe that is the reason. I hope you are able to get this all worked out. And if it was me I would maybe speak with another area catholic church to see if this is common practice and maybe even book the date there so that there is a back up plan.
Post # 12
So I am 100% Catholic my Fiance is not and has no religious background what so ever.
We are starting the classes on Tuesday and we are planning to be active members of the church. We can not substitue another priest at his church it would not be welcomed or allowed. I really feel if we try to side step him in this matter the outcome would be really bad. I have to get married at my church we really don’t want to switch churches.
He knows the date but said and I quote
” We will revisit the subject of marrying you at the end of March.”
And if he says yes then we only have 2 months to prepare. Which scares the Heck out of me.
I am just not sure if we should plan our cermony and devote the money to it if we may not get married.
Post # 13
I would say, go ahead with the planning and the marriage preparation. Chances are it will all be fine. You can still book your reception hall, photographer, florist, etc. – just hold off on sending the actual invitations (which you wouldn’t really need to do for a June wedding until early April anyway) until you get the green light. If by some chance March rolls around and he refuses, you would be able to do any of a couple of things:
– have a civil wedding ceremony and seek a convalidation afterward. (Definitely not ideal, and, being a practicing Catholic myself I definitely don’t recommend it, but if he paints you into a corner like this, you still have this out. From his standpoint, it would probably be preferable to marry you in his church than to have you go to the JOP, so I doubt you’d end up in this situation)
– go to another Catholic church, explain the situation, demonstrate that you’ve completed all the marriage preparation requirements (keep a folder of documentation handy just in case!) and ask another priest for help. Again, chances are your priest would prefer to avoid driving you to do this as it would be embarrassing for him.
– Appeal to the priest’s sense of “the lesser of two evils.” You, as a Catholic, are going to marry your fiance one way or the other: you can either do it the way the Church wants you to, or you can do it in the way the Church views as living in sin. Even if/though your Fiance is not Catholic, your priest actually has a responsibility to you as his parishioner to provide you with the sacraments. (Technically, according to Canon law, I’m not sure he can really refuse to marry you! Talk to someone with more expertise than a stranger on the Internet before you go saying anything like that to him, of course, but I remember reading something about how Catholics have a right under Canon law to access the sacraments in their parish, and the priest can’t refuse them. PM me and I’ll try to find the book – I know it’s here somewhere.)
Post # 14
@ashasmith: This may or may not be true but I had heard/read (maybe incorrectly) that in order for a catholic to marry a non-baptised person they have to seek special permission from the deacon??
Post # 15
I think thats typical, the whole point of those pre-marriage courses is to determine if the couple is ready to marry eachother. If in the end the priest decides he won’t marry you there is no reason you couldn’t get a regualr Justice of the Peace to do it, even in the church, you shouldn’t have to only go with the priest. Also another option would be have all the paperwork finalized and have a friend officate a renewal ceremony in place of the actual ceremony.
Post # 16
@dkacerek: I don’t think this is very helpful to the OP or answers her question.
@ashasmith: Is your Fiance taking RCIA classes? Is the priest’s concern that your Fiance isn’t baptized? If he is taking RCIA classes, he would get baptized at the Easter Vigil, so maybe that is was the priest is referring to.
If your Fiance is not baptized, the priest has to give you a dispensation (permission) to marry in the Catholic church for disparity of cult. It also wouldn’t be considered a sacrament. The priest can deny you that permission. If your Fiance truly wants to become a baptized, confirmed Catholic, the priest would not have to grant a dispensation. If your Fiance does not want to be baptized, I would recommend seeking out a different church and speaking to another priest.