Post # 1
I am so frustrated right now, i want to throw something at his head! I seriously dont know what to do anymore. My SO never snored until a few years ago, when he gained 20-25 pounds. The snoring is so bad it wakes me up anywhere from 20-30 times a night, and sometimes I only get a few hours of sleep.
We have a big noisy window AC unit in our bedroom that is on for noise, along with 2 other large fans. Sleeping on his side does nothing. I have tried 6 different brands of ear plugs, and each one has given me a ear infection and caused me severe pain. I tried sleeping pills and they made me so groggy the next day I was scared to drive. My Dr told me not to use earplugs anymore. We have a tiny one bedroom apartment and when I make him sleep on the couch I can still hear him through the door. It is quieter through the door, but I have such a hard time sleeping without him in bed with me.
About a year ago he briefly started running again, started losing weight, and the snoring almost went away! Then he got lazy and stopped running, and you guessed it the snoring came right back! I have asked him to go to the dr, which he will not do. I have repeatedly tried to nicley tell him how much the snoring affects me, and asked him to do something about it but he never does. He is all about procrastination. I leave the weight part out of it (I dont want to make him feel bad and am still very attracted to him), but explain he didnt snore when he jogged. He just keeps making excuses saying he will start next week.
I just dont know what to do anymore. the only thing I can think is to move to a 2 bedroom apt and have seperate beds. I love him and want to share a bed with him forever. Im starting to get resentful, why cant he just jog a few times a week. I feel like this is really starting to affect my health and wellbeing. Does anyone have any ideas?
Post # 3
@animallover: Girl I can so relate! My DH gained about 25-30 pounds within our relationship and the snoring was UNBEARABLE. I am the lightest sleeper ever so I hear you on the groggy days, it was terrible.
I don’t have any miracle cures or fixes, sorry! I have been encouraging my DH to lose a little weight to get healthy and at this point he has lost 20 pounds and guess what he no longers snores (he is doing couch to 5K). Just like that, poof, gone! He had sleep apnea too and that has gone away.
If your SO hates to jog why not try walking together at night perhaps after dinner? Doing things together might make it more enjoyable for him and we always push ourselves when someone else is holding us accountable. Are there any sports or hobbies that your SO enjoys? What about going for hikes on the weekend?
For people that are out of shape the idea of a routine jog/run is downright discouraging. Even I hate running and I am a fitness addict. When trying to adopt a new healthy lifestyle it is all about masking exercise and making it seem fun. Try out some activities together and see what works. Also, if you are cooking at home try healthier options or he cooks his own meal. Oh my that works like a charm on my DH!
Post # 4
When Dh snores heavily, because of work conditions, I usually move to the couch. But, I am far way and can’t hear him from there. You going to have to sit him down one more time and explain how very serious this is and you may have to mention the weight, or if you can get him to a doctor you could mention that privately to the doctor before he goes. It may help your SO understand how serious this is for you if you were to suggest moving into a two bedroom and sleep separately.
Post # 5
@animallover: Oh girl, I sooooooo understand you! My SO and I don’t live together yet but when we were on holiday, his snoring got so bad one night that I slept in the bath tub! Thank goodness our hotel room had one! lol
As I too am struggling with the same problem, I don’t really have any advice to give other than what PPs have already said. Something fun to do together may do the trick! Tennis, badminton, ballroom dancing maybe?
Post # 6
Go to your doctor. If the snoring is that bad and home remedies have not worked its time to consider sleep disorder testing. Maybe he needs CPAP or an oral appliance or positional therapy. He may have a deviated septum.
Post # 7
Thanks for the ideas. I had back surgery 2 weeks ago, so physical activities are out of the question for now. When I heal, I will definitely start doing things with him again. I miss not being able to hike and excersize, but my back already feels better than it has in a long time. We Eat pretty healthy at home. I think the problem is him eating out for lunch at work most of the time. We have stuff he can bring for lunch, but he usually ends up going out with his co-workers.
Post # 8
This might be a strange suggestion but have you heard of those “snore strips”? They are sticky on one side, like a band-aid, and you put them on the nose of the snorer. It opens their nostrils more while they sleep. It may help some. They are called “Breathe Right”.
Post # 9
@animallover: We have to sleep in separate bedrooms for the same reason. His snoring and my lack of sleep was causing a lot of resentment between us. Have you considered exercising together? It might be a more enjoyable incentive for him.
Post # 10
@animallover: I am going to be brutally honest here: the only way I get DH to be consistent about exercising is when I insist on us going together. If I keep us on a schedule and we hit the gym together, it’s great. But if I leave him to his own devices and expect him to do it alone, forget it. I think that you should consider setting a schedule and exercising with him. DH and I go 3-4 times a week bright and early at 7am before work for at least 30 minutes of exercise.
Post # 11
I had back surgery 2 weeks ago, so I am not able to excersize with him right now. My de says if I want to heal I can start up again in a few months. This is just awful. I have only gotten 10 hours of sleep since thursday night and I feel like im never going to sleep again.
Post # 12
Oh, I completely sympathize. My FI snores all of the time. It’s awful. He’s actually agreed to try some kind of snore relief mouth guard, thank goodness. However, he likes to procrastinate also, so I’m not actually sure when that is going to happen. I actually had to sleep on the couch a few nights ago because he kept waking me up and I ended up throwing out my back.
I love the idea of the two of you working out together, as others have previously mentioned. I hope that your surgery went well and that you have a speedy and painless recovery!
Post # 13
@animallover: I don’t like ultimatums but in this case, I would tell him that he either needs to seek medical help/lose weight/both, or else we move to a 2 bedroom place and sleep separately.
Sleep is extremely important to me, and I simply could not cope in your situation. He should see how much this is upsetting you and take steps to deal with it; given he doesn’t snore when he’s lighter, it would probably be simplest for him to just shed the extra weight, and maintain a lower weight. If however that isn’t sustainable long-term he should see a doctor; he may have sleep apnoea, for example, which is treatable with various things inc losing weight, stopping smoking, and cut down alcohol consumption, esp in the evening before bed. If it’s just snoring, the same also applies, and exercise can also help, as well as various devices inc nasal strips and dilators, and chin strips and vestibular sheilds (depending on whether he snores through his nose or mouth).
Post # 14
Start waking his ass up when he snores, tell him you won’t stop until he sees a doctor about it. If you can’t sleep, neither should he. Or you move into your own place, whatever it takes. Sleep is critical to health, both for you and him.
For the most part, I can sleep through FI snoring with ear plugs, sometimes I have to put a pillow over my head too. If it is bad I kick him to wake him up and he switches sides and the snoring is less enough for me to sleep through. I still think he needs to see a doctor about it to make sure there is no sleep apnea or anything else going on.
When I get home from work sometimes he is already snoring like a jet engine so I don’t even bother trying to sleep in the bedroom. If I’m on the couch with the door closed and earplugs in I can usually sleep through his loudest snoring.
Post # 15
Thanks for all the advice, I appreciate it. I triaed to have a serious talk with him the other day, but I ended up crying and blabbering, lol. This really caught him off guarda and got his attention, so maybe it was for the better. I laid everything out on the table and told him he either had to go to the dr or lose weight, or both because I couldnt take it anymore and was worried about his and my health.
he said he had no idea it was this bad or that I was worried. He said he would make a dr apt and lose weight. I handed him the phone and told him to call the dr right now in front of me, and suprise suprise he refused and said he would do it later. I snatched the phone out of his hand and made the apointment right in front of him. So, we have a apt next week and we have been able to go for a couple of walks together. Hopefully the snoring will get better soon.
Post # 16
Good for you. I agree with @barbie86 if this doesn’t get resolved soon (hopefully it does since you’re going to the doctor and he said he would loose weight) then I think you need a 2 bedroom apartment.
Apparently up to 40% of couples sleep seperately.
It’s really more common than people may think it is. If it makes you happier and healthier then I think it is definitely worth it. You said you have a hard time sleeping when he isn’t in your bed. But you’re not sleeping at all when he is in your bed. So you can’t win either way. If the snoring doesn’t stop you might as well get used to sleeping on your own, at least you’ll get some sleep then!