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Personally... I would be TOTALLY freaked out and would not date him. BUT there was a thread a while ago about men wearing women's lingere and a bunch of bees admitted their men do it and they are cool with it which I was really surprised about! Bottom line... If it wierds you out don't continue the relationship... It's only been three weeks.
I'm glad that he shared this secret with you relatively early on in the relationship, before you both were too heavily invested in it. I personally could not and would not choose to continue dating a man who had shared that type of revelation with me. Although he may be a nice guy, and you may be very attracted to him, if you are not comfortable with the thought of your future husband dressing like a woman, I would be completely honest with him and let him know that you just cannot continue to move forward with this relationship.
It's been three weeks-- be happy he told you now and not in three years! I say that you know what you are comfortable with and what you are willing to accept. If you don't like this, you are still so "new" into it that you can break it off without too much fallout. I suggest thinking long and hard because if you continue this relationship, you cannot expect him to change.
wow, that's a new one. how do you feel about this? can you see yourself accepting this little quirk? if not, you may want to move on...it's only been 3 weeks.
personally, it would kind of freak me out. deal breaker.
Yea, that would be a deal breaker for MYSELF as well and I would politely break it off with him. Especially after 3 weeks, it's a blessing because at least he didn't wait until 2 years in to tell you, you know?? Everyone deserves someone to love them unconditionally no matter their fetishes etc etc. I think there are straight men in the world that do this, but it wouldn't be for ME personally. I think there are women who LIKE their straight men to do this, but it wouldn't be for me either. Can you see yourself being okay with it down the line?? Because I don't think he would want a woman to be with him if they were disgusted or hated the fact that he likes to dress like a woman at times. Ya know?? I think it would probably be best to do yourselves both a favor and end the relationship...I would probably be embarassed if anyone found out etc. I'm sorry he dropped this bomb on you but I think it was good of him to do it now. HTH :)
I am glad he said something early about it. but I have to move on, it just so different
I can't bear a man wears dress, not like a real man. It's weird that I feel if I still date with him. Listen to your heart if you can accpet a partner like him.
Wow, really? Nobody said that they would be cool with what he does in private, that it doesn't hurt anyone, or that it's his own business? Personally, I think it's not nearly as bad as checking out other women all the time, for example.
I mean, for me, obviously it would depend on whether or not I thought he was hiding something else, or whether it really was just the clothes, and it would also depend on whether he was a public or private cross dresser...
You're obviously not cool with it, so you've already answered your own question as to whether you should keep dating him. But kudos for his honesty and openness... I think you should at least respect that and let him down gently.
@rachael631 : this
See ,if he's nice and you like him... Why not give him a few more weeks? Just to see if it's he shock you are reacting too or the quirk. If it's not somehing hat you can deal with then let him down gently. He was honest, he at least deserves that.
@carolinaw: wow "not like a real man"? Way to be jugemental.
What's the big deal? If he's not gay, he's not gay. It's a psychologically recognized phenomenon for people of one gender to dress like those of the other gender while remaining straight. If you like his personality and you are both attracted to each other, it seems pretty shallow to let this get in the way.
My cousin always did this from the time he was young. However at the age of forty he has started a sex change. He was not gay and is not gay now .he still is attracted to women. His wife now has to decide if she can live with it. I would thank him for his honesty and then move on.
I definitely couldn't handle it. I get that people have fetishes and get pleasure from out of the ordinary things, but I totally get where you are comming from. If he's a great guy, remain friends with him, if you feel like it's too unusual to keep pursuing the relationship romantically.
Wouldn't your cousin technically be considered a lesbian since a sex change would make her a woman? Because she obviously aslways felt feminine, and therefore underwent the surgery to change her body as well. So being attracted to women would make her gay.
I don't think it would bother me if it was just sometimes. It would bother me if he wanted sexual interactions to involve him cross-dressing because I don't find it attractive. But if you can't deal with him then you might as well not string it out forever.
I actually wouldn't care. There are worse qualities a man can have as a partner, such as being abusive, etc. If he wants to dress up in private, who is it hurting? But that's just me. If you're not comfortable with this idea, you need to cut ties now. I would hate for you or him to become emotionally invested, and his preference become a glaring issue later.
100 years ago I wouldn't be able to wear jeans and a t-shirt. There were pants for women but they looked flipping weird; women still couldn't wear the simple trousers that men did. I also wouldn't have been able to wear a suit.
Not saying this makes it so that any woman should be cool with a guy dressing up, but just thought I'd throw that out there.
If it bothers you a lot, it's possible that it won't stop bothering you. I'm not saying dump him now, but I am saying not to promise that you don't care and you'll keep dating him no matter what, because if you change your mind that would be crushing. You can give him a chance if you love everything else about him and see if maybe you can grow to understand him, but it is also okay if this is a dealbreaker for you. Smoking is a dealbreaker for me when I date a man, it doesn't mean I think people shouldn't be allowed to smoke.
Wow! I can't believe how many would just move on!
Cross-dressing is a reasonably common fetish. It doesn't mean he is either gay or looking for a sex change operation. Indeed, my own experience with such men would suggest that they are often quite considerate and creative lovers.
And as fetishes go, it's quite harmless. It's not hurting you or him, it's not making him vulnerable to diseases, and it's not involving any third parties. Why not give him a chance?
I think its really weird and would have lots of questions.... But I would also be worried about other possible "secrets" coing out later.
I don't think its any more strange than folks who are in to whips and chains, handcuffs, doing stuff with feet, etc.
If you can't deal, thats perfectly ok - but I think being "freaked out" or judging him for it is a pretty extreme reaction.
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Hi Bees,
I've been snooping around here for awhile so I decided to finally post something. I been dating this guy for about three weeks. everything was going fine until he told me a secret. The secret was " that he likes to dress like a girl". I mean the whole nine yards (makeup, heels, etc) I was shocked when he told me that, but he reassured me that he wasn't gay. I told him that it was ok,but honestly I am not ok with it. Now I don't know what to feel. His family doesn't even know about this. I support him,but he wants to continue dating still. Please help me bees!! I don't know what to do?