Post # 1
I am hosting my sil’s bridal shower. Her wedding is March 13th, she has not sent out invitations, does not have a dress, flowers, bridesmaid dresses, nothing done except the location and someone to marry her and nothing purchased. She has been engaged for over 2 years. I didn’t want to do the shower until I knew the wedding was happening. I should have just told her that I wasn’t going to do the shower.
I told her that I couldn’t send out the shower invitations until she sent out her wedding invites. About three days later she texted me that the invites were in the mail and now I could “do what I needed to do for the shower now.” Kinda made me angry since I already had the whole thing planned and she hadn’t done anything for her own wedding. She has a big habit of lying so I decided I’d wait until I got the invites in the mail. I waited a week and it didn’t come. I asked her about it and she said she sent them “this week”. (This was about two weeks ago) I mentioned that we hadn’t gotten ours and she said she’d had to resend them because they didn’t have enough postage. She said that she had resent them so Monday morning I mailed them out. She picked up a few for work later that morning and told me that she had mailed out the invites in the big blue post office boxes and that it had gotten left open somehow, that it rained (I don’t remember it raining) and that all her invites had gotten ruined but the post office contacted her and reimbursed her for the invites being ruined. But she forgot to save the info for the invites so she had to retype everything and now her printer wouldn’t format correctly so she wasn’t able to print them again right away.
I know she’s lying. I think she lied about even having any invitations at all. So now the shower invites are already out, the wedding is in 6 weeks she has nothing done and I’m now stuck with this shower I have no desire to do.
I was originally a bridesmaid but I’m 8 months pregnant and due the week after her wedding so I told her that I couldn’t do it. But that I’d still help out if she wanted or needed me to. I messaged her Maid/Matron of Honor giving her 6 weeks notice of the shower and she replied with I have to work ya’ll do your own thing and have fun. Then I messaged her other Bridesmaid or Best Man asking her if she had gotten the time off and if she could bring the few things I needed for the shower. It’s been over a week and she hasn’t answered me. I facebook messaged her and she’s been on there but no answer.
Around here showers aren’t anything too crazy expensive. It’s at my house with just cupcakes punch and some snack foods. But I’m also in the middle of trying to get my house ready to go on the market to sell, my husband is a firefighter working 3 hours away and I only see him 3 days out of every 10, I also have my little sister’s baby shower to plan that is at the end of Feb and I have a 2.5 year old daughter to take care of too, plus get the rest of the way ready for the new baby. I don’t have a ton of money and am stressed to the max.
The shower is on the 6th (the best part is that a friend of mine is throwing me a baby shower on the 7th and I told my sil that but she claimed that the only day she had off was the 6th. Of course) What do I do? Go through with it and get stuck paying for the thing myself? Call everyone and cancel. Make my sil cancel it since it doesn’t look like she’s going to actually do the wedding? Her own mother isn’t sure she’s going to actually have the wedding either. I feel taken advantage of and I hate being lied to. This totally sucks.
Post # 3
First of all I’m so sorry! Everyone in this story is so self centered (except you of course) Her Maid/Matron of Honor should be the one throwing the shower and she just says “yall have fun” what the heck?!?! I hate confrontation, but I think what you really need to do in this situation is just that. I would straight up ask her if she is still even having the wedding! My wedding is also march 13th and I have my invites out (already getting rsvps) venue, photographer, bm dresses, tuxes, cake everything and I’m STILL stressing! Unless she’s just having a courthouse wedding I don’t see how she’s going to get it all done! And even if she does, if she sends out the invites too late a lot of people wont even be able to come! It really sounds like she’s using you and you are too busy too be planning a shower for someone so lazy and selfish. I know that sounds mean, but that’s what she is!
Post # 4
That does totally suck. Can you enlist the help of her mother in this? If so, I suggest having her take over the planning duties. If no one is willing to help you, I would go through with it, but not put any more work or money into it. Tell her that you’re 8 months pregnant, you’re extremely busy, and you’re starting to feel taken advantage of. Or, if you don’t feel comfortable with that, I suggest having your husband talk to her and let her know that his wife is 8 months pregnant, there’s a million things going on, and if this is going to happen everyone needs to know NOW because this is plain old inconsiderate and not to mention unfair.
Post # 5
My mil can’t help they have no money at all. I have it all planned but I’ve been cutting out everything that can cost me extra. My sister will be coming the morning of the shower to help me set up for it, thank God. I just about totally decided not to get her a gift. I don’t think she realizes that if she doesn’t have the wedding she has to give everything back. My Darling Husband has said that the only reason she wants the shower is because she wants free stuff.
She said today on facebook that she’ll help me with the shower but I’d really be happy if she’d focus on doing her wedding if it’s going to happen. I know the courthouse wedding has been brought up but she doesn’t want to do that because she was told by her mom that she couldn’t have a shower then.
This whole thing has been frustrating from the start. She’s changed the idea of venues and states, colors everything and nothing has actually gotten done. My parents even loaned her stuff we used for my sister’s wedding. Her wedding is also two days after my anniversary and quite a few members of the family thought that was rediculous. It’s not a huge deal to me. I think it’s a little strange to do it so closely but I don’t get the whole month!
Post # 6
I honestly would not have sent out the shower invites, but now that you have, I would not host the shower. I think you should talk to her mom and see if the shower can be held at her house. If not, tell your SIL you will not be able to host the shower and call the guests to explain the situation. I think if you tell them that the wedding has unfortunately been postponed (which seems to be the truth) so the shower will be as well, I think that should be fine.
Post # 7
I don’t understand how your sister isn’t freaking out! haha I still have four months and almost everything done, and am completely overwhelmed with things.
If it is such a stresser for you, you should tell your sister (who apparently doesn’t stress), I’ve had a bridal shower cancellation, I know it’s kinda tacky, but it seems like you have your hands full.
Post # 8
I cancelled my SIL’s shower. Two things happened as a result:
I felt MUCH better, I was able to relax and concentrate on MY life, and I saved a bunch of money that I really didn’t have to spend anyway. It was a very selfish thing to do, and yet it was what was BEST for me.
The other result was that my SIL was totally pissed off at me. But no one else was. The invited guests (who still hadn’t received invites and were pretty upset at the gift grabbiness) were relieved. My mom was relieved she didn’t have to politic with all the invited guests and apologize for the gifts they gave. My brother was pretty pissed off too, for a while.
It took her six months before she finally had the wedding. Six months!! And I didn’t mind that I wasn’t in the bridal party and I didn’t have to plan another shower, and I never did apologize for it. It’s a sore spot to this day, but I didn’t feel like being part of using so many nice people.
I don’t know what is best for you and your family, but cancelling was best for mine.
Post # 9
Can you make it clear to guests that they should NOT bring presents to the shower just in case the wedding doesn’t happen?
Post # 10
Fake labor that day and cancel? Kidding..kind of. Sounds like she’s awful present hungry. I’m hoping/assuming the other guests see through this and won’t come or give her many presents. It’s too bad you’ve already sent the invites..I would have said instead of gifts please make a donation to xyz charity. That way you’re still having a shower to honor her but not giving in to her greediness. Not sure any of my advice is helpful now…sorry and good luck. Oh and congrats on baby #2.