Post # 1
My fiancé and I have been engaged for 2 and a half years. When he proposed, it was a COMPLETE surprise! I was (and still am) so happy and excited but to be completely honest I was a little bit disappointed when I first saw the ring. I would never want to hurt my fiance’s feeling and felt shallow for even feeling that way so I tried to “fake it until I feel it” . Almost 3 years later though, I still don’t like it. It’s a small, 3-stone ring set it platinum (I like gold). The quality of the diamonds are not great. they have visible inclusions and are foggy and one of them is yellowish in color. We were in college when we got engaged so we were definity on a budget so I’m sure that had some influence on the ring he chose but now, we have a little more financial freedom.
So I need some advice: should I talk to my fiancé about this and if so…how/what do I say??!!
Post # 3
I think it’s worth talking about. At worst he’ll want you to keep the ring and you can just get an awesome wedding band. It’s also possible that now that you’re in a better financial position, he might want to upgrade your ring. You never know unless you ask!
Post # 4
You could keep that ring as a keepsake. Make a big deal about how it IS special to you (I mean, even if ya don’t like it you do have emotions tied to it) so that he doesn’t feel hurt. Since you’re wedding planning, maybe pick out a band that comes as a set. “oh, FI. I love my engagement ring but I am in love with this wedding band. What an unlucky coincidence it does not match my ring.”
Post # 5
It seems odd to me that they would set those sort of diamonds in platinum since platinum is expensive are you sure its platinum and not platinaire a mix of silver and platinum that is what they usually use in settings like that with less than stellar diamonds.
Either way it’s been almost 3 years so I’m not sure how you would bring this up now. Do you think he would mind? Maybe gingerly tell him that you have noticed over time that the quality of the diamonds in your ring is not as high as you’ve hoped, then explain what you wanted. At the very least you can tell him you wanted diamonds that sparkle and these do not. Let him know the diamonds in your ring are more than like I3s which are industrial quality diamonds and you would like something more gemstone grade, sparkly and nice. If he agrees and is fine with it I would take him to a jewelry store and look at your ring VS the rings there, if he flips out and is not fine with it then let him know you will be getting the wedding band yourself or if he wants to buy it let him know you want to pick something nice out for yourself.
I know in the grand scheme of things engagement rings really don’t matter that much. Most older women I know only wear their wedding bands, I don’t know if that’s because at their age they have decided to pass their ring on to another family member if they had to sell it at some point etc but I rarely see older women wear them for the exception of a few women including my grandmother. I know another woman who had an expensive engagement ring that was just not her taste at all her husband would probably be super upset if she said something so she has probably put it in a drawer and I haven’t seen it in a while. If your FI won’t or can’t change out your e-ring I would just not wear it after the wedding band shows up or wear it on a necklace or something. If he asks why you can say something like the wedding band is more important now as it represents the marriage.
Post # 6
If it were me, I’d take that information to my grave. I’ve asked my BF about these kinds of threads and how he’d feel if I told him I didn’t like my ring. He’s a big ol’ tough dude…and he said that would really hurt his feelings, not that he’d neccesarily show it. I believe his words were “It’s not supposed be about the ring, it’s about me proposing. If I’d surprised you with the ring and you didn’t love it, I’d take it better if you pitched an upgrade as an anniversary present or something, or maybe and enhancer.”
Post # 7
I would probably ask him his thoughts on ring upgrading (like “oh I read this article on how some people upgrade after X years.. what do you think?”)
Or find a photo of a ring you love and be like “anniversary present? wink wink” or something light-hearted, and see if he bites.
I’m not subtle at all, so I would probably just be honest.
Post # 8
@Ccarey87: take your disappointment to the grave. Find yourself a big blingtastic beautiful eternity band and just wear that after the wedding.
Post # 9
- Wedding: June 2014 - TTC #2
@Ccarey87: Not everyone wears their ering with their wedding band. I’d say stick it out one more year (you’ve done well so far!!) and get a gold wedding band that doesn’t particularly match the ering If he says anything after you’re married say ‘Wearing gold with a platinum ring means the platinum will scratch my wedding band.’
In my own FI’s case he was shocked to hear that women often wore the ering together with the band (he’d never particularly looked at married women’s hands) so if your FI is as clueless as mine you could get away with it no questions asked!
Post # 10
@Ccarey87: I would def talk to him. Maybe you could suggest keeping the ring he got you and wearing in on your RH?
Post # 11
@Ccarey87: since its been several years already, my advice is to just swallow it and get a fantastic stand alone sparkly wedding band
Post # 12
Simply tell him your wish to upgrade now that neither of you are college students and wear your original ERing on your right hand.
Say absolutely nothing about the colour or quality of the stones and never (ever) tell him that you dislike it.
I rarely go along with any sort of deception, but after 3 years it is far too late to tell him your real feelings about the ring.
Post # 13
I would not recommend bringing it up. I recommend taking yourself shopping for a nice ring you love, one that’s just exactly your style, to wear on your right hand along with it.
Post # 14
@Ccarey87: I would definitely bring it up. Hopefully he wants you to love your rings! I would keep the original ring as a keepsake/heirloom/RHR (which is exactly what I’m doing b/c of my new anniversary rings). Your dream ring would be a great wedding present from him!
Post # 15
Thank you all for the great advice! My ring is of course very sentimental so I love the idea o wear it on my right hand 🙂 I think the hard part in all of this is my fiancé WOULD want me to have my dream ring and would do anything to make me happy, so I would hate for him to act cool with everything but deep down be hurt. thanks again for the great advice !!
Post # 16
It is a bit devious, but maybe you could just upgrade it yourself. Keep the seting and get better stones, while “getting it cleaned.” My guy wouldn’t notice, and if he does just say it is amazing what a good cleaning can do. IDK good luck with whatever option you choose.