Post # 1
I received my letter of acceptance and the school of choice is a 5 hour drive away from home.
My Fiance goes to school there as well and I will be moving in with him. We are both college students, so having our apartment and sharing rent is the most feasible way to go.
My family is not happy about me being far away and they will not be happy when they learn I’m moving in with my fiance. (my dad is very old fashioned)
My family isn’t the most ($$) privelaged, so they can’t afford to help me with my own apartment. But I’ve worked hard and saved money for myself and can help my fiance out when I move. I just don’t think my father is being rational when saying, “You can’t move because you can’t take care of yourself financially, when he is in the same boat.”
But I will not compromise school because they don’t approve of the location/housing situation. I have no clue what to do without burning any bridges. Can anyone please give me some advice or a pep talk?
I would love to go to the school of my choice and not feel ashamed of what I’m doing. I never thought getting accepted into the school of my choice could cause such chaos and animosity between my family. … but then again, maybe I knew this would happen.
Shouldn’t my family be happy for me? And shouldn’t this be a joyous time!?
Please help! I need some words of wisdom!
Post # 3
I was in the (almost) same situation. Fiance and I both got into the same accelerated nursing program..which was great, but its 7 hours away. Granted, we are moving after we get married (so my traditional parents obvs don’t have issues with that) but everyone is still really upset that we are moving so far away. At the time I felt like my joy about getting accepted was being overshadowed by the negative reaction from my family.
But you know what, you have to do what *you* want. This is your life, and getting into the school of your choice is an amazing accomplishment! It probably hurts that your excitement is being clouded over by this animosity but it will go away. After the fact, they will get over it and be happy for you. Good luck in nursing school and congrats 🙂
Post # 4
Well thank you! That is truly what I needed to hear. Although, it will take time for me to accept that this is how it will be. My parents will be upset, but I can’t turn school down.
Post # 5
Hey first off congrats on the acceptance letter! I think at some point your family is going to have to realize that you can live on your own and be a responsible adult about decisions like this. From what I have found most situations that are treated with respect will gain respect.
Is there any option to get an apartment with your Fiance and others? So it isn’t just you two alone? That might be one way to please your father. When my sister moved in with her then Fiance just out of undergrad they got bunk beds. I doubt they used both bunks, but it seemed to keep my grandmother quiet.
Post # 6
Congratulations on your acceptance into Nursing school! I will be applying in August so I know how important it is. As far as moving 5 hours away with your Fiance, your family will eventually get over it. I know this because my mom and dad were not to happy when I moved in with my Fiance. I only moved 1 hour away but it is difficult to visit with school and work. They now see how great I am doing are happy. I hope you do not pass up this opportunity. Do not feel ashamed and do what makes you happy 🙂
Post # 7
I was in a similar position, though I was your Fiance and my Darling Husband was you!
I was in college 3 hours away and he got into another college that was in the same city about 10 minutes away from mine. I had been there a year and he’d decided to go back to school. Living together was also the financial right choice for us. His family was irrational and dumb about it, but he just held his ground. I.E. This is what I’m doing, deal with it. They raised a lot of drama and gave him a hard time, tried to convince him he was wrong, guilt tripped. Ultimately he didn’t speak to them or go home for a few months after a particularly ugly argument and when they realized he was serious and this was their new reality they apologized for being asses and all was fine after. Beware of the guilt-tripping. It’ll be fine if you stand your ground and they realize they’ll lose you (or your emotional closeness) if they try and keep you back. KWIM? We’ve been fine since then and this was almost 4 years ago when we were just dating.
ETA: Just sharing my story to show that it’s worth it. Darling Husband graduated last December and his family attended and was proud of him because they’d gotten over their personal issues and realized it was HIS dream to follow. Just be honest with your family and completely frank with your intentions.
Post # 8
I think that in time they will be happy for you. If somebody truly loves and cares about you they will come to accept the decisions that make you happy even if they don’t agree with them. It just might take some time so you have to brace yourself to get through it.
Post # 9
First…congrats on your nursing school acceptance!!
It seems like you’ve thought things through and are being very sensible financially. That being said, it’s hard for families to let their babies go. I’m sure they’re worried about you being on your own. Maybe they’re also worried that you’re only moving there because of your fiance.
Perhaps you could make them a little presentation of sorts and show them why this nursing program is the best program around, how going there will further your career goals, and a budget that shows how you will financially provide for yourself. Reassure them that you’ll return home for holidays and school vacations.
Many people are scared of change. They’ll come around. Just do what’s best for you.
Post # 10
Thank you for your kind words! I have been so hurt and ashamed by this but I know this is the right decision. There is no way that I will give up my education.
Post # 11
gnarlygnome: Your ideas are great! Thank you! I will definitely present myself better the next time we talk.
Post # 13
My advice would be to do what’s best for YOU and after all is said and done, they’ll be proud of you for getting an education. It will be hard at first to feel like you’re letting them down but you’ll have to fight through that. You would most likely regret it if you don’t go away for this nursing school. Congrats by the way 🙂
Post # 14
Post # 15
great advice from some of the PPs– I had some religious friends who didn’t want to live together before marriage but had no choice financially. they had a frank, honest talk with their parents about their decision and since they were engaged and still attending church, everyone got over it eventually!
Post # 16
I’m shocked that your parents are so upset about you moving to go to Nursing school. During medical school I was over 7 hours away and they were excited – not because of the distance but because of all the hard work I had done to get there and for my future….
With an old fashioned father, I understand them being frustrated/upset about your living situation. I currently live with my Fiance and actually… they have no idea 😛 I would expect a large uproar if they did find out but honestly it’s really none of their business. I’ve always been independent of my parents though, I moved out when I was 16. Not that I dont love them.. It’s just my nature to be independent. I have plentyyyy of loans so I do not depend on them financially.. if I did I would understand why they might be upset contributing to something they dont morally agree with.
Honestly, you should do whats best for you. If you are engaged there is no better test than to live together! They will get over this eventually.. Its not the end of the world… I think at times we all do things that upset our parents that are for our best interest – they just might not see it.
Sorry you have to go through this… BUT GO TO THAT NURSING SCHOOL!!!!!!!!!! Congrats on your acceptance and engagement! Wishing you the best of luck.