Post # 1
My FH just proposed today (on my birthday) in the most romantic way. He wrote me a love letter and completely surprised me – I wasn’t expecting to see him until Friday… Anyway, he didn’t ask my opinion on a ring before he bought one and I’m not exactly happy with it. I’ve always loved the look of vintage rings or ones with micro pave around the center stone. He knows this. I hate huge stones especially if they stick up above the setting because they catch on everything. i was so caught up in the moment with his adorable letter that I didn’t really register what the ring looked like until after he left to go back to his apartment (we live about 2 hours apart so it’s not easy to see each other all the time) He ordered the ring online and it looks nothing like the picture he showed my mom – I told him to talk to her about specific rings because he wanted to surprise me and my mother knows my style better than anyone else on the planet. The ring isn’t even a real diamond like my mom thought it would be. It’s a 1 ct cubic zirconia in a wide band with a couple cz sapphires on the side. And it’s sterling silver. I love him very much, but it doesn’t feel like a real engagement ring. I don’t know how to tell him that I fell in love with a different ring from a local jeweler. what should i do?
Post # 2
Nothing. You cant do anything. He obviously chose the ring he thinks is the best.You will seriously hurt his felings!
Just live with it for now, later on you can always get an upgrade! ( I hated my first ring, but later on we upgraded, took quite a time though!)
Post # 3
- Wedding: November 2014 - Mauritius
pir8princess4ever: it must be tough to hate it that much, however, he proposed, what does it matter what the ring looks like, really? So many people focus on the material side of things, you are getting married!!! And to a sweet guys by the sounds of things. If you want you can upgrade later, or just wear your wedding band if you don’t want to ask to upgrade or wear the ering. Either way, be happy!
Post # 4
Go and buy yourself the ring from the local jewler and wear it proudly on a different finger. Wear your engagement ring on “special occasions” only – saying it means so much to you, you don’t want it to be stolen, lost, damaged, etc. After the wedding, it is perfectly ok to wear only your wedding band.
Post # 5
pir8princess4ever: If he went with CZ, I’m guessing he had a pretty tight budget. I would focus on the engagement and wedding and then bring up upgrading to a diamond when you guys can afford it (maybe for an anniversary). Then you can change the setting at the same time.
Post # 6
If it’s a ring and he proposed with it, it is indeed an engagement ring. Diamonds are not required to make it “real”. I’m sorry you’re disappointed, but there’s no way it won’t crush him to say, “hey, the ring you picked out for me? I hate it.” If I were you, I’d be weighing my dislike of the ring against possibly doing some serious damage to my relationship.
Post # 7
I see your point. A cubic zirconia set in sterling silver is not a forever ring because the materials simply are not designed to be worn every day over a lifetime. The zirconia is going to cloud up and possibly clip or discolor over the next few years, and the sterling silver ring will definitely tarnish and wear. Silver is a soft metal.
I would suggest you try to love the ring you have now, but gently let your fiance know that with these kinds of materials, you will likely need to upgrade rings in a few years due to wear and tear. Then you can choose exactly the sort of ring that you love, and keep your engagement ring for special occasions.
Post # 8
Most people here are going to tell you to suck it up and wear that CZ with pride. Afterall the propal shouldnt be about the ring, should it?
However, you know your fiance and only you know whether this is a subject that you can bring up.
I had an issue with my own engagement ring, I loved the fact he chose it himself but it wasnt to my taste. I waited a few weeks and sat him down and made sure he understood that I loved the fact HE chose it and the proposal want about the ring but i could help feel a little dissapointed that the ring he chose wasnt entirely to my taste. He agreed that he wasnt 100% happy with his choice either and we ended up choosing another ring together.
You could put up with it and suggest an upgrade firther down the line for perhaps a wedding anniversary or birthday?
Its a difficult subject. My DH was more upset with me being unhappy that with the fact i didnt like the ring he chose.
Post # 10
I’m sorry that one the day he proposed that also happens to be your bday, you are focusing on posting this. It’s not going to help the situation, try to enjoy the ‘I’m engaged!’ Moment and worry about this later. Imagine if he knew that the moment he left you you were on a msg bored expressing your hate of the ring. I would be disappointed too but perhaps that’s all he could afford and would prefer to spend the money on marrying you. I’d jusy make sure you get a diamond wedding band. Did he show you the receipt or did he tell you it’s 1ct CZ?
Post # 11
Penang1885: agree with this 100%. I think that’s the best way to gently indicate that you would like an upgrade, either now or in the future.
Is it possible that’s all he could afford?
Try and relax and enjoy your engagement and birthday! I would give it a little bit of time before approaching the subject.
Post # 12
when you bring it up (I’d wait awhile) focus on the materials- CZ will cloud and silver gets banged up.
Post # 13
Maybe your mom could bring it up with him? If he sought her help/opinion before buying, she might be the one person who can tell him it’s not quite what she expected and she doesn’t think you love it but you love him too much to risk hurting his feelings…
Post # 14
first off congrats on getting engaged and happy birthday! While I understand diamond substitutes are growing in popularity, if you had your heart set on an actual diamond I totally see why you are disappointed. most ladies who get something besides a diamond do so as a choice not a surprise. At least he was honest with you and didn’t try to sketchily pass it off as a diamond (which just happened to another bee). Let me ask you, do you know his financial situation? Do you have a realistic idea of what his bills are and how much diamond rings cost? Could he even afford one? As his future wife these are all things you should know so only you can rWally say if he was just being cheap and not taking your wishes into consideration or if he truely got you what he could afford (and then in this case you should have talked about waiting to get engaged if the ring was such a priority to you). I totally understand your disappointment but you are getting married you should be able to talk about this and more, it probably won’t be the hardest thing you do together over your lifetime, so sit down and have an honest chat about everything. And if you don’t know his finances etc. I get they aren’t romantic convos but you should both be on the same page and have a plan. How is the wedding getting paid for?
Post # 15
The silver I’ve worn has never tarnished when I’ve worn it everyday. I would focus on the fact that while you love the ring, it’s not your style, ignoring the fact that it’s cubic zirconia, focus on he got you a big ring and you’re not a fan of that beucase it draws attention to you. that’s one of the reasons my husband and I picked out our rings together. He wanted to make sure that I was happy with my ring and that I would want to wear it forever. Which I do, since I have a beautiful simple ring. you could state that you feel this ring is too gaudy or something along those lines.Does that work?
Post # 16
I agree with chocolatelime.
If he loves you, and he obviously does! He is only going to want to make you happy. Go ring shopping together and use the ring he proposed with as a stand-in. Make sure you wear it fairly often. Sounds simple, but that’s what I would do/did.