Post # 1
Okay, quick back story. My fiancé and I have been together 8 months. Everything moved so quickly and we know we are each others soul mates. Back in October he purchased land for us to build our new home. He had to take out a home equity loan for the down payment. He is also sitting on an engagement ring from his ex from a few years ago (he threw it in the safe and forgot about selling it). He paid about $2500 for that ring and has told me a million times how he was never really comfortable marrying her but she was a friend of his parents and they were pushing him to marry cause they didn’t want him to be alone anymore, etc.
We’ve been discussing marriage for months. He’s asked me what kind of ring I wanted. I told him white gold and a round diamond and said I love the vintage look. I’ve showed him dozens of rings I like. Then last month in the heat of the moment he asks me to marry him. Of course I said yes! He didn’t have “the” ring cause it was spontaneous. So a couple days after Christmas I’m at his house and I was going thru his overnight bag because I was doing his laundry and looking for stuff to wash (I always do this). So in the bag I find a ring box, which meant he had it with him at my house over Christmas. For two days I was good and didn’t look. Then I did and I’m glad cause I HATE IT!! I’m not flashy but I like my jewelry. He’s seen the rings I have, including my old wedding ring (It’S big) so I was shocked to find what he had picked. I’ve seen his exes ring he still has and that one is BIGGER and prettier!! And I’m supposed to be the love of his life!!
I don’t mean to be ungrateful, but this is a ring I will wear for the rest of my life. I realize he spent a lot of money on the property. He makes a very good living. He said he was gonna sell the old ring and use that money towards mine but he used two separate jewelry stores and apparently they wouldn’t let him use the old ring cause he still has it. I’m not asking for a huge ring but this one is best suited for a 17 y/o bride. I’m 34 and a CPA. The ring is NOT me. I would feel ridiculous wearing it. I don’t know if I should fess up and tell him I found it (he didn’t exactly try to hide it all – I later found the jewelry store bag sitting in the living room in plain sight). He is CLUELESS when it comes to these things. I have a feeling that he is going to give it to me New Years Eve. But if he doesn’t, I know the store has a 30 day return/exchange policy and I don’t want him to have TWO rings he can’t use. I’m willing to wait for “the ring” but unless he bought it to have something for me to wear until the “real ring” then I really don’t know what the hell he was thinking. Please help!!
Post # 3
@kmb2978: I think SUPER-QUICK you should get him to a jewelry store (“to buy something for mum’s birthday” or to buy yourself some earrings or whatever seems most reasonable) and FALL IN LOVE with a ring and make a huge deal about it. Admit you’ve looked at some rings online and just haven’t been able to find anything you loved, but OMG LOOK HONEY, THIS IS IT, THIS IS THE MOST PERFECT BEAUTIFUL RING EVER. And then hope he hears you and takes the hint, returns the previous ring and buys the one you love.
Post # 4
Thanks for the response! I’ve shown him rings on Pinterest and Facebook that I’ve “liked” but apparently it didn’t take. I’m starting to think that this is just a “temp” ring cause I know he hates that I don’t have a ring yet and he was counting on the money from the old ring to help. But I can’t be too sure. 🙁
Post # 5
What’s wrong with it? It isn’t “flashy”/big enough? I don’t think you should compare the size to his ex’s ring or your old ring… I mean both those ended in divorce…so clearly a big ring a good marriage does not make. Also, diamonds have greatly increased in cost in the past few years (much more than inflation). This may be what he can afford right now.
I sense this is dangerous territory between you two.
Post # 6
Girl that sucks! U need to take a pic and show us! What does it look like?
Post # 7
I’ve seen his exes ring he still has and that one is BIGGER and prettier!! And I’m supposed to be the love of his life!!
This is your problem. You’re comparing what you have to what someone else has. Stop it. He’s marrying you, not them. You’re going to poison your relationship if you keep this mentality, because it probably will come up in a future argument. “Well <ex’s name> has a prettier ring than I do!” That is materialistic and toxic. Drop this mentality. If you dislike the ring, figure out why, and “because <so and so> has a bigger/better/prettier/flashier one.” is not a valid reason. Figure out why, a legitimate reason why, and bring it up to him.
Post # 8
@kmb2978: I asked my SO and he says not to bring it up until he proposes in case he has something awesome planned for the proposal (like on New Year’s that he’s spent forever planning), and to find a very tactful way of telling him that you’d love to marry him, but the ring really isn’t your style and maybe you could change it for something else.
Post # 9
is there any other possible explanation for what you found? Could it have been an old promise ring he had given to someone years ago that he may want to try to sell?? Could the jewelry store bag you found be from some other piece of jewelry (earrings, etc.) that he may have bought someone else (his mom, sister) for Christmas?
Post # 10
I’d leave it go until new years at least, rather than raining on his parade before he even gets the chance to propose. You can always tactfully explain later that the ring isn’t your style or whatever and see if he will exchange it. Are you absolutely sure he has the budget for a larger ring?
Post # 11
Maybe he got a smaller but very good quality ring? I have no idea.. I’d like to see a picture of it though!
Post # 13
Hmm, I will agree it isn’t a very big ring but it does not look childish/inappropriate for someone your age to wear.
If I were you I would work on making sure I look happy when he gives me the ring, but then gently approach the topic about changing it. I’m concerned that this may be what is in his budget at the moment. How would you feel about contributing to the budget to get something more like you had in mind?
Post # 14
Thanks everyone for all your comments. I know I shouldn’t compare to the exes ring (bad habit – and they never married). I don’t expect the kind of ring I had the last time but I expected at least a half a carat. I don’t think that’s asking much. I do not expect 3 months salary but I didn’t expect 3 hours worth of salary either. 🙁
Also, I have long fingers and this just looks so odd on me. It just looks too “young” for me. I’d be happy with a simple gold band with some diamond accents in place of this. It’s a very pretty ring, just not for me.
The ring is for me, no one else. I found the bag and chocolates it came with in the living room. No chance it’s old.
Post # 15
I think it’s lovely – I just think its thin.. and maybe that’s what you don’t like about it . As the pp said, it could be a budget problem. I’m sure if he loves you, he’ll understand if [after] he proposes, you want to change it. Maybe take out the diamonds and put them in a new/different setting. Some women are VERY picky about their jewelry !
Post # 16
@kmb2978: this one is best suited for a 17 y/o bride. I’m 34 and a CPA.