Help, I have been a maid of honour multiple times..

posted 2 years ago in Etiquette
Post # 2
Member
265 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: August 2015

NowraJanBride:  personally, it wouldn’t matter to me. If I was in one of my best friend’s weddings I would just be excited to help her with whatever she needed! I don’t know your friends but I’m willing to bet they’re just asking to know who is heading up plans for the bachelorette, shower, etc. 

Post # 3
Member
980 posts
Busy bee

Just don’t have one if you think it’ll hurt people’s feelings.

Post # 4
Member
1059 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2014

NowraJanBride:  I just chose my sister. All my friends understood. But really my MOH didn’t do anything more than the other bridesmaids except stand next to me and hold my bouquet.

Post # 5
Hostess
9892 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: May 2014

NowraJanBride:  If you were getting married first and you had never been a MOH who would you ask?  That’s the person who should be MOH.  The only thing my MOH did that was special was sign the register

Post # 7
Member
5002 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: June 2014

NowraJanBride:  I would ask whoever you truly want to – someone who is going to be positive, support you, help plan your shower and bachelorette. Don’t ask whoever you think is going to cause the most drama if you don’t ask them. 

Post # 8
Member
106 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: August 2014

If you’ve been friends with all these other women for a while, you know their strengths and weaknessess. Choosing a MOH shouldn’t just be about who’s your closest friend. It should be who will be there for you on the day or before the day. If you’re a diy bride who likes doing decorations and favours on your own then it may not be a big deal who you choose as your MOH. Stuff everyone else did with theirs I either did on my own(theraputic), with my fiance (we discussed most details) or my mother.I didn’t have the bachelorette party or shower esp cause my BM were in different countries, but I didn’t need to.

Ultimately make the choice for you and not for the sake of friendship. Weddings bring out the true colours of people. Green can be one of them. Be prepared to ruffle a few feathers and maybe even lose a friend or so. I was warned about that by other friends when they got married and I laughed it off.

 

My Horror Story of a MOH: A year before I started planning my wedding I had one close female friend at the time, so from then Iasked her to be my MOH..FFWD to a year later and I grew a bit and got some amazing girlfriends who were now my BM…..I still kept my first MOH and coming closer to the time of the wedding she still wasn’t showing any interest in being a part of the planning process. It became awkward and frustrating for me because I knew one of my other girlfriends would have been so much better.

Long story short and big argument later, I asked her to nolonger be my MOH because it seemed she was too busy to be able to meet at least one obligation, i.e. just meet up with me and talk wedding,(she had other thigns going on and couldn’t just drop everything for me)….and I’ve been one friend less since.

My MOH was awesome. We skyped and discussed issues, offered me advice….our opinions differ on a lot of things, but we found middle ground a lot. One the wedding day she did my hair, my bridesmaids’ hair, their make-up, was with me when I needed her on my day and we had a hell of a time on the dance floor. She was my support while planning even though we were in 2 different countries.

Post # 9
Member
812 posts
Busy bee

My best friend didn’t have a MOH in her wedding, because she didn’t want to hurt anybodys feelings. Everybody was encouraged to participate equally. Maybe that’s a route you can take. 

Post # 10
Member
1087 posts
Bumble bee

Smile knowing you’re a fab friend to so many people. Advice, think about who you’d choose if you were the first person to get married and choose them. But, if you’re worried about choosing (or don’t want to) then don’t have one. Share the duties out between people based on their talents sot hey all have a way of contributing. Real friends shouldn’t be offended and should understand.

Post # 11
Member
1242 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: May 2017

NowraJanBride:  You don’t have to have a MOH. IT can help sometimes so there is a “team leader” so to speak. But, in the event you choose not to have one, it’s totally fine.

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