(Closed) Help! I know he’s lying to me and I don’t know why…

posted 6 years ago in Emotional
Post # 3
Member
5786 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: May 2011

Ok, Guys in general like to avoid confrontation at any cost. You brought her up, he prob thought “oh sh*t, this is going to be dramatic even though I would never cheat on her with this girl” and played down their history to avoid a fight with you.

Why did you bring her up if you don’t think he’s going to cheat? Its just asking for problems. I would drop this now.

Post # 4
Member
3847 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: December 2004

I wouldn’t stop thinking about it either.  This sends my liar radar off in a big way!  It sounds like cheating or the hope of cheating at the very least.  He lied because he has an alterior motive.  I am sorry.

Post # 5
Member
408 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: June 2012

Has he told you before that something happened with her? If so, why would he lie about that now? And if he didn’t, how do you know he’s lying?

 

You say honesty makes you feel better, so you need to be honest with him about your feelings. 

Post # 7
Member
7431 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: October 2009

I still can’t understand how you know he lied before to you

Post # 9
Member
642 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: August 2012

Sounds like he is just trying to down play the situation because to him it’s a non-issue. You love this man and have agreed to marry him, if he hasn’t given you any reason in the past to make you worry about him cheating on you then you probably shouldn’t let it get to you so much.   “So I guess I’m saying, I’m not worried about him cheating” If you trust him then that’s the end of it. If you don’t trust him then you have bigger issues than him maybe seeing an old flame at a social event.

Post # 10
Member
235 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: November 2011

@Mrs.Goguen:

This. Couldn’t have said it better myself.

 

Post # 11
Member
2699 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: June 2012

@Mrs.Goguen:

Agreed.

My guess would be he’s avoiding confrontation and you worrying about nothing while he’s away. I’d class this as annoying, but a white lie to save your feelings because he has no plans to cheat. If he was going to, he wouldn’t need a work event as an opportunity to do it.

I don’t think trying to catch him out will help you trust him more either. If you know differently to what he’s telling you, tell him.

I don’t think it sounds like he’s planning to cheat at all, but that’s only my opinion.

Post # 12
Member
614 posts
Busy bee

I agree that he’s probably just trying to avoid confrontration. He probably doesn’t think it really matters and it’s easier to blow it off as nothing.

Post # 13
Member
7431 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: October 2009

@MrsFuzzyFace:wow, seems like you may have experience here? not sure how what she has said means he WILL cheat, unless you know something we don’t

Post # 14
Member
4755 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: May 2012

honestly, you don’t need to know! Why on earth are you digging so deep for something that is irrelevant to today?

Post # 15
Member
13101 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: July 2010

@LGenz: “Guys in general like to avoid confrontation at any cost. You brought her up, he prob thought “oh sh*t, this is going to be dramatic even though I would never cheat on her with this girl” and played down their history to avoid a fight with you.”

Totally agree with this.  He sees whatever happened with this girl as no big deal, a non-issue, and completely in the past.  When the OP brings the girl up semi-out-of-the-blue, he figures there’s going to be drama and tries to avoid it.

Honestly, from what you’ve told us, OP, I don’t see a lie anywhere.  I simply see your FI viewing whatever happened in the past as less of a big deal than you seem to.

Post # 16
Member
706 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: August 2012

I would recommend communicating with him! Let him know how important it is for him to be honest with you. Tell him that you know about his hook up if it’s bothering you! Be clear that him lying to you undermines your trust and that you’d like to build a life with him that is open and honest. Most likely, he just panicked and wanted to avoid conflict, but marriage is all about communicating your wants and needs. Use this as an opportunity to do that.

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