- 6 years ago
- Wedding: October 2011
Hi bees. I’m a regular poster here but don’t want to use my normal account in case the FI or anyone we know stumbles on this post…
FI has lied to me twice, about former hook-ups, and I’m really nervous about it now. At first it didn’t bother me, hell, they both happened before we were together, one two months before we even met. But the fact he will not be honest about them is really making me anxious.
The first girl is really no issue and he’ll never see again. But the other one (two months before we met)…I brought up today that I was nervous because she might be attending the same event as he is while he’s away as it’s in her city. He played dumb about who I meant until I said her name, and he said she’s really cool and nothing happened last time…which I know isn’t true.
This has made me REALLY nervous. Especially since there’s a good chance she’ll see him when he’s in town. Is he passing her off as just a friend because he thinks I’ll forbid him from seeing her? Not only is that impossible, it’s plain unfair. I wouldn’t do that and I wonder if he just doesn’t believe I’d be okay with it. I would MUCH prefer he be honest with me, and I’d feel way better about them seeing each other again!
I know this whole post sounds crazy and irrational. But I really can’t help it (we’ve had that talk as well, he’s a real angel about it). We trust each other deeply and I really know he would never cheat. Otherwise, I wouldn’t marry him!
So I guess I’m saying, I’m not worried about him cheating, not really. I’m worried that he thinks it’s okay to lie about past women to me, when all I’m asking for is honesty. Honesty honestly makes me feel better! All I ask him is to not drink a lot if former hook-ups are around, because he does get blackout drunk and won’t remember what happened/possibly “lose control”. We don’t know because he hasn’t gotten blotto since we got together.
I really want to bring it up to him but I don’t know how. Do I say that I’ll feel better about her being there if he’d man up and admit what happened last time? I haven’t told him that before, I don’t think. I just can’t wrap my head around why he would lie to me about her. Worst case scenario…he wants something to happen again right before the wedding, which trust me, he would never get away with, and our wedding will not happen 🙁 Best case scenario, he thinks he’s saving my feelings but he’s actually hurting them!
What should I do bees?! Please advise! I can’t stop thinking about it.