(Closed) HELP I need Bridemaids advice

posted 6 years ago in Bridesmaids
Post # 3
341 posts
Helper bee

If one Bridesmaid or Best Man doesn’t want to be in the wedding I would ask her to step down and ask the other one to give you an answer by a certain deadline, maybe give her a week or so. The one that attacked you should definetly be asked to step down. If you want to replace them then go ahead, you’re probably better off without them and it will be less stress and headache for you going forwards to not have to deal with them. I wouldn’t uninvite their families tho, they did nothing wrong. If the undecided Bridesmaid or Best Man wants to stay in the wedding party I would make it clear that you are going to talk out your differences first and you will not tolerate such behaviour going forwards, etc etc. Be kind and be calm but explain that you chose them because you love them and want them to be there for you on your wedding day and that it hurts you to see them behave the way they did. I’m sorry you have to deal with this, I had a hard time with my Maid/Matron of Honor and am currently pretty pissed at one of my BMs. I also had a shitty bachelorette party (99% sure someone drugged me, I ended up passing out at 7pm, missed my own party, one Bridesmaid or Best Man ended up in the hospital, the others went to the club and got separated from each other so one called hysterically freaking out because she got kicked out and wanted to go home but couldn’t, the limo never showed up again, one Bridesmaid or Best Man made rude comments about “not getting dressed up for this” and “people who can’t handle their booze ruined her night” and then told me a month after the fact that she’s been telling everyone the “whole story and then her side of the story” — umm, excuse me, it was MY party and if anyone has a right to be mad, it should be me!).. 

Good luck and keep us posted!

Post # 4
2705 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

Eeek what a mess!  I feel like there is something missing though.  I can’t imagine why she’d call you an ungrateful bitch for simply not dancing with other guys.  However, even if you were acting like an ungrateful bitch, that is no excuse for her to attack you.  That’s just CRAZY.

Regardless of what happened and why, I would absolutely NOT replace them as BMs.  I don’t think your cousin should be in the Wedding Party for attacking you and I’m unsure about your other Bridesmaid or Best Man (kicking someone out of the Wedding Party is a friendship ending move), but replacing them will only lead to more drama.  It will make the former BMs feel replaceable and like props and the replacements will feel second rate and offended that they weren’t good enough to be asked in the first place.

Also, I would still invite them to the wedding because your cousin is, well, family and, without knowing more details, I don’t know if this would be worth losing a good friend over.

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