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Why dont you call them?
It is your wedding, you are the one inviting them.
Ask your fmil for their numbers, give them a shout.
I would take the initiative and contact them myself or have FI call. I know it is frustrating that you changed plans to accomadate her guests, but in the end of it, it is your wedding and are responsible for planning it.
I kind of agree with your FMIL on this one. If your wedding is still 6 months away, most people won't have a clue what their plans will be quite yet or if they'll be able to make it. As a guest, I wouldn't want to say yes so far out and have to end up declining closer to the date and vice versa. If you must have responses now, then I agree with PP, try contacting them yourself. I understand it would be much less stressful closer to the date, but it's hard to nail down plans that far in advance for a lot of people.
You sent out invitations and expect the RSVP's in now when your wedding is at the end of June? It's reasonable to expect people to RSVP, but it is unreasonable to expect people to have RSVP'd by now. I agree with others, it's your wedding, you and your fiance need to track down the RSVP's, you two make the phone calls.
How soon are you guys sending out RSVPs?
The deadline for ours is in 2 weeks, which may seem soon but it is less than 5 months notice for us.
I should clarify that she asked for the RSVP update, presumably to arrange travel appropriately, but then I think perhaps she felt a bit guilty and explained that many people probably would not be RSVPing.
Wouldn't you think it might be helpful if this people could at least let us know if they are trying to come so I can get a rough estimate of how many people to plan on?
Although the official guest count that we pay for is not due until 1 month prior to the wedding, we need to order favors and customize everything as well as the dessert table and the candy buffet.
I still don't really understand. Your wedding is in June. You really can't expect your guests to know 5 months in advance if they will be available. I would think a reasonable RSVP deadline would be about 1 month to 6 weeks before your wedding.
If you really need the RSVPs that badly you need to do as PPs suggested. Call your guests.
@DHWedding06242012: We didn't send our invitations out until October for our December wedding with an RSVP date of the first week in November and everything worked out fine. Almost every etiquette book and wedding mag I read suggested sending out invitations 6-8 weeks before the day. There's nothing wrong with contacting people to get a feel for if they'll be coming or not, but to demand that people lock down their RSVP 5 months in advance may come off as rude.
I guest I really don't think it's too soon because we already got verbal commitment from 45 of the 50 guests that have not RSVPed yes that they were coming, hence why we went with this venue.
I guess my concern is that whether or not these people are coming, more than doubles our guest count, and so I can't really do anything until I get their commitment and I need to know if I am ordering 50 or 100 of things.
I agree with PP that asking for RSVPs this far out is really unusal, especially if it isn't a DW. The best you can do is call people and explain that you need a headcount for your venue. However, be prepared that some people may say yes now and end up not coming since a lot can happen in 5 months.
Other bees, please correct me if I'm wrong but I think its pretty standard for invites to go out 6-8 weeks before the wedding and the RSVP date to be somewhere in the neighborhood of 2-4 weeks.
I will give them a call. They make me feel crazy, but they knew we were changing our venue to accomodate for them to come which is why it came as such a surprise to me that we would sent out RSVPs and they would not respond when we discussed this and utilizing their time here as a family reunion.
@Dandelion D: You are not wrong, it's pretty much unheard of to ask for an RSVP months in advance. My wedding was mid-September and we sent out our invites at the beginning of August with an RSVP date in the last week of August.
I'm a June bride as well, and we aren't asking for our RSVP's back until the end of April. I agree with Vegas Pug... it's a little too soon for people to know 100% that they can come. That said, I wouldn't be panicking just yet if I were you. You still have plenty of time. I know you said you're just trying to get a rough estimate on who is coming, but that's not the point of RSVP's. The RSVP's should be for those who know for sure whether they are coming. How else will you know what number to tell your caterer? If you're too worried about it, start making phone calls.
@DHWedding06242012: Put yourself in your guests' shoes. If you got an invite for a wedding that was 6 months off and then received a phone call from the bride demanding an RSVP or at least to tell her WHEN you'd decide if you would be able to come or not, wouldn't you be a bit put off by the bride? A lot of things can happen between now and June. If anything, your guests are trying to be polite and not RSVP when they're not positive about their own plans that far in advance. It would be rude of you (and kind of a WTF moment for your guests) to call this early IMO. It's not a DW, you still have plenty of time.
We're planning a DW and sent out the invitations exactly 2 months before the wedding date. Our "RSVP by" date is a month before the wedding date. We actually got crap from family for wanting to send them out a month earlier.. it was "waaay too early!" We plan on calling people who haven't RSVP'd yet the weekend before the "RSVP by" date.
"I guest I really don't think it's too soon because we already got verbal commitment from 45 of the 50 guests that have not RSVPed yes that they were coming, hence why we went with this venue."
Hmm... So if you already got a verbal yes from these people, you don't even need to call them, right? Because you already got a verbal yes?
I agree with the others - it may seem like it makes sense to you that you'd want the info early - of course you would - but that's just not how it works. I think if you insist on a yes or now now, people's schedules could very well change in between anyway.
@DHWedding06242012: I'm getting married in June also and not even mailing my invitations until March. When buying things like favors, ect. you need to estimate on how may guests you believe will actually attend. It is honestly unheard of to have the RSVP deadline this early. Is this a destination wedding or something? I'm not understanding why you need to recieve the RSVP's this early.
This was so annoying to me. Practically no one from DH's family RSVP'd. It really should be FMIL's job to track them down for you, but clearly she's not going to do that. So, I would make FI do it. You have every right to try to contact them and find out if they're coming. I will never understand what people don't get about sending that little card with a pre-stamped envelope back...
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My FI and I chose our 4th place venue in order to be able to accomodate his extended family my FMIL insisted we invite. Now, we have sent out invitations requesting RSVPs and the only people to respond from his family have been my FMIL, my FSIL and one of his aunts. I sent her a list to let her know where we were with the RSVPs and she responded simply telling me most people probably won't RSVP by that date and she appreciates it will be easier for planning purposes but basically we need to accept this.
What do you bees suggest for me to respond to her to let her know people will 1) RSVP 2) Tell us when they will know or 3) not be coming?
I don't want to be rude, but I am planning the entire event myself without coordination, while working a demanding FT job and thus won't be waiting until weeks before the wedding when I need to be stress free to look and feel my best for the big day to worry about favors, placecards and table settings.
Am I being rude expecting people to RSVP?