Post # 1
I am having a destination wedding next April, so I sent out my invitations last week. I was advised by my wedding planner that it is completely appropriate to still do a registry and she recommended doing a honeymoon registry – which I set up and love the idea of it.
On this honeymoon registry website, they had registry cards I can print and they said to include them with our wedding invitations. Prior to this, i was reading about etiquette and i always found that you should not include registry info ON the invitation….well i now realized that i took that more literally than it was intended! What i thought it meant was not to write the registry info on the actual invitation card (which I inserted in a special inner envelope to go in the larger outer envelope). I ALSO have received multiple wedding invitations over the years with registry cards IN the same envelope as the invitation, and so i thought this was what we were SUPPOSED to do!
Only the past couple days I am suddenly reading everywhere that it says this is VERY tacky to include registry cards in the same envelope as the invitation….but its too late to take it back! my invitations have been mailed!!!! i feel sooo stupid.
Can i ask how you all would feel upon receiving a wedding invite with the registry card inserted in the outer envelope and the invite is still kept in its own inner envelope (but ultimately all in the same package)?
Is everyone going to think i am trying to scam gifts out of them? I have a wedding website too with the info and I realize now that should have been enough. In fact, i was planning to leave it like that until I saw the registry cards were available to print and it was suggested to me to include them with the invites!
Should I tell people individually that this was an oversight and I realize I should NOT have done this and in NO way am i EXPECTING gifts? I am really not! i just want people to come to my wedding. I was never even planning to do a registry until my wedding planner said i should! and i only did because i knew some family members who can’t attend would be asking me about a registry or want to send money.
Or should i let it go and not say anything to anyone about it?
i just wish i could go back in time and not put the registry cards in! 🙁
Post # 3
I would just not say anything about it. Most people know that you don’t expect a gift for attending the wedding.
Post # 4
@Sassy5412: it’s okay, seriously a lot of people don’t even know or think that it is considered “Tacky” to do that.
I voted for the first one but you should take the part about you looking more stupid out! Don’t be so hard on yourself!
Post # 5
Don’t sweat it! If it makes you feel any better, the date on our invitations is spelled wrong…
Post # 6
I wouldn’t worry about it. I had never heard of honeymoon registries before WB, so it is probably a good thing, otherwise I would have planned on buying something for your home-because I don’t usually give a cash gift. I think I would like to give some money toward a honeymoon, because if I get a couple a gift (if they don’t have a particular store registry) then I would wonder if I picked out something they liked! Also not all older people would know about going to a wedding website. Don’t beat yourself up-if somebody doesn’t like it too bad for them. 🙂
Post # 7
Whoops! Innocent mistake! I think you could just pass the word to your friends and family that you didn’t realize the error until after they had been sent!
Post # 8
I don’t think it’s stupid at all and you said yourself that you have received a lot of invitations that include registry information. So it could be a regional thing, and people might get pissed if you didn’t inclue them. I don’t think a lot of people will care or even think too much about it. And at the end of the day, you can’t please everyone. Try not to worry about it too much.
Post # 9
What’s done is done, and you didn’t do it with the intent of gift grabbing, so don’t beat yourself up about it. True, etiquette wise it’s considered improper, but as a pp said, it’s commonly done today in some social circles, so I doubt anyone will judge you on it. If they do, they probably don’t know that you’re a nice person, who just didn’t know any better. If anyone does say anything about it, which i’m sure they won’t, just apologize and say you didn’t realize until they were sent. I’m sure it’ll be fine!! 🙂
Post # 10
Do nothing, but on your wedding website, above your registry section, you can add
something to the effect of “your presence is the greatest gift” or something like that.
Post # 11
@ellabee: actually, i have something good written there already that my wedding planner had recommended:
Family & Friends,
We look forward to your presence on our special day. Of course, ALL we ask is your presence. If you cannot attend, your thoughts and wishes are greatly appreciated. We do realize that many of you may wish to give us a wedding gift to commemorate our union together. We have decided to offer our guests a popular new wedding gift alternative – our Honeymoon Registry! This will allow you to help us create the honeymoon memories that will last us a lifetime!
With all our love,
— i just wish those registry cards were never even available to print. and of course i didn’t think twice about it until AFTER they were mailed!
Post # 12
I voted “what’s done is done”, but don’t agree with the stupid part.
If anybody confronts you, just laugh it off, and be like… “Haha, can you tell this is my first wedding? My planner said to put them in, and I had no idea it was bad etiquette”.
Our registry person gave us a bunch of inserts too and told us that everybody puts them in.
Post # 13
I put our registry info on our wedding website, not in our invites, but if I got an invitation with a registry card in it I wouldn’t be offended at all. I know it’s not proper “etiquette” but it also saves me the step of finding out where you are registered via MOH/parents/wedding website, whatever. I wouldn’t sweat it and I certainly wouldn’t call yourself stupid over it! No biggie.
Post # 14
Don’t be too hard on yourself. You didn’t know, maybe a few etiquette sticklers will notice but it’s by no means the end of the world.
Post # 15
I live in an area where they do this frequently and I never would have known it was controversial if I hadn’t read it on here. I hate that stores and other places say “hey put this in the invitation so everyone will know” and then we find out that we aren’t supposed to!
I say don’t worry about it and you aren’t stupid. I, actually, appreciate it when I get those little cards.
Post # 16
thanks for all your comments. it does help and i know that most likely, people will not judge me for it, especially my close friends. but i am just such a perfectionist and i have been obsessing about every detail. i can’t believe i screwed up! i am just SO mad at myself! i know i will get over it eventually. and i think i will tell some of my close friends at least what i did….the other (like my FI work friends), i will just have to let it go…..since its a destination wedding, most of our non-close friends probably will not come anyway, nor would they feel expected to buy a gift, with or without the registry card (i hope!).