HELP! I think we're over..

posted 3 years ago in Emotional
Post # 4
Member
2355 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: September 2014

I’m sensing a lot of resentment in a relationship that is only 3.5 years old. It’s not looking good. How long has he been unemployed?

Post # 6
Member
1690 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2013

Have you told him all of this? I assume you have

What are his responses? Does he agree that he needs to do more? Does he agree that he needs to look for a job more sEriously? Does he express what he needs from you to feel satisfied in the relationship? 

If you guys can’t communicat properly, none of these issues will be solved unfortunately. The resentment will just keep building and it won’t end well

Post # 7
Member
2851 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2014

Ughh I’m sorry 🙁 This sounds terrible. Seeing as though he refuses to help out around the house, find a job or taking conciliating seriously, I don’t see any other option than to leave. Talk to your family and let hem know what is going on and that you may need some help if you end up moving back. Give him an ultimatum… he either needs to change his ways, or you are GONE! Maybe he just needs a wake up call.

Post # 9
Member
2355 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: September 2014

He should have had a job by now, even if it was just a temporary one until he found something more in tune with his education/career goals. If you are making your bills okay, then it might be a non-issue. He should be pitching in around the house for sure. Is housework really the only problem? What led to counseling?

Post # 10
Member
1634 posts
Bumble bee

Sounds like you said, he wants to fix you, not “us”. Maybe you need to talk to him and say that if he isnt willing to put in 50% effort into the relationship than its over. You can only do so much, but you cannot fix “us” alone. If he isnt willing to have the conversation with you, try to have it in a couselling session. Maybe you need to make a list of things that you need from him on order to fell happy and like your needs are being met within the relationship. If he is unwilling to go over it with you, or read it alone then discuss it, Im sorry to say he maybe isnt too interested in hanging onto your relationship.

When you tell a man that you are unhappy and needs things to change and he doesnt want to hear it, you need to pay attention. Does he not want to hear it because you’re being unreasonable, are bringing up things he cant fix, or does he not care enough to put the work in?

I’m really sorry, that must be incredibly frustrating! I hope you can get through to him and get what you need from him in order to be happy. But if you cant, please get out. You owe it to yourself to choose happiness! 

Post # 12
Member
6505 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: June 2013

*HUGS* I am so sorry that you are going through this.

I know how stressful it is to move that far from family and friends. That stress alone increased our fighting for awhile. But for him to be unemployed as well just adds more stress.

I’m a strong believer that if someone in the relationship doesn’t have a job that they should be contributing while the other is at work. When I was looking for employment and DH was working I tried to make sure that there was absolutely nothing for him to do when he got home. I think I would be very upset if I were in your position.

I’m assuming you have brought all of this up since you are in counseling so at this point I would do as @Artificial-Sweetener:  and give an ultimatum. Tell him you want everything talked out in a civil manner or you’re gone. 

Out of curiousity… why did he want to make the move 600 miles away?

Post # 13
Member
2355 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: September 2014

One thing I just thought of – sometimes men, even if it just looks like they are being lazy and wasting time at home, get into a real state of depression over being jobless. He may feel defeated.

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