Help! I want to break my engagement!

posted 3 years ago in Emotional
Post # 3
Member
2562 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: March 2014

Perhaps you should go up to him and say “Hey. You. This thing? This non-functional dating/engagement thing we’ve been doing? I’m done with it; we’re over.”

Hand him a box of his things, leave, and then block his cell and house number/facebook/email/linkedin/etc. Go enjoy life on your own – you’ll learn tons.

You will be breaking up by calling off this engagement, and honestly from the way this guy sounds, that’s a good thing.

You really want to be stuck with THIS crap the rest of your life?
If you don’t, the ball is in your court.

Post # 4
Member
3016 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: July 2014 - Prague

Leave. Make a plan, pack your stuff, and leave. You’ve already told him numerous times what isn’t working for you and apparently tht doesn’t work with him. 

To be totally honest? I find it very worrying that he acted like nothing had happened when you told him you didn’t want to get married. There is something deeply disturbing about that level of denial or whatever it is.

But you need to stick to your guns this time. Do as the PP said: change your number and do NOT communicate with him. Otherwise you’re not being fair.

Post # 5
Member
1362 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2014 - Turf Valley

Leave.  Your mind is already made up.

He is not taking you seriously.  This is a problem that will not change.

Post # 6
Member
2657 posts
Sugar bee

It sounds like you’re making the right decision, and better that you’re doing it now than after marriage.  Your FI may be one of those people who doesn’t understand the gravity of the situation until they see you act.  It may not have “hit them” yet that you really want out.  I think what you need to do is first sit him down again when you both are alone and not distracted by the holidays, and tell him how you feel.  Arrange a place to stay, either a friend’s house or a new apartment or even a motel in a pinch, and move your stuff out.  Start putting the plans in motion and establishing a single life again.

Post # 7
Member
101 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: July 2012

He will get the message after you leave. Look at the bright side, at least you are not married yet. 

Post # 9
Member
281 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: May 2012

Good for you to realize this BEFORE the wedding! You don’t need to even get into a big fight or discussion, and you don’t even need to write a long letter. Just ‘Dear FI, after much thought and consideration, I realize that us getting married is not a good idea, and that we will both ultimately be happier going our separate ways. I will always think of you fondly, but am calling off the wedding. Enclosed please find your ring’ Then as PP say, *leave* and don’t respond to calls, emails, etc. The more you hash back and forth the more difficult it will be. This is going to hard on you but MUCH LESS HARD than a marriage you don’t want or a divorce. Please look around weddingbee at some ‘one year later’ posts from people who broke off engagements – they are much happier and sure that it was the right choice. This is your life we’re talking about, make good decisions!

Post # 12
Member
9533 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: August 2013

You say that he’s been acting like nothing happened. Have you been acting like anything happened? Have you talked to him about moving out (either one of you)? Talked about trying to get back deposits on wedding venues? It sounds like he’s in denial, which can be a powerful thing. So I think it’s probably best to not wait for him to move forward on this break-up front, I think you’ll have to do that. Good luck!

Post # 13
Member
99 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: December 2014

I broke off an engagement about 8 years ago and, while it was one of the most trying times of my life, I can’t express how happy I am that I made that tough decision! I’m now planning a wedding with someone who is wonderful! You will thank yourself for avoiding one of the biggest disasters of your life. 

Post # 14
Member
1715 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: July 2015

@eeb01:  There is a post right now about a bee who married the wrong man.  She knew before she got married that she was making a huge mistake but still went through with it and now like 2 years later she is trying to figure out how to divorce her husband.  She is so unhappy and is having such a hard time coming to terms with the idea of leaving her husband.  End it now before you end up like her.  Go to him and tell him “this is over, we need to figure out who is moving out”  Don’t sugar coat or anything just say “It’s over.”  Good luck and I hope you get this figured out soon!!!

Post # 15
Member
1500 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2013

I’m alarmed that your FI is willing to sacrifice a good marriage for kids! That is not a good environment for kids to grow up in. Everything you’ve written points to a very unhealthy relationship and I think you are better off breaking it now than getting married.

Post # 16
Member
845 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: August 2015

@eeb01:  Call it off. Don’t worry about writing your feelings down – he won’t get that anymore than he does when you tell him your thoughts. You broke up once and nothing changed so it’s either deal with his garbage forever or break free now and live your life. Good luck!!

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