(Closed) HELP! I wanted to cut her out of my life but now she has breast cancer.

posted 5 years ago in Family
Post # 3
Member
3627 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

You know what? I work at a cancer hospital, and it took me a while to understand this, but listen: awful people get cancer too. Not everyone who is sick and dying is a saint! There is no reason for you to have any contact with this horrible woman – her disease has NOTHING to do with it.

Post # 5
Member
3682 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: December 2011

You shouldn’t feel bad.  She’s not sorry about any of the venom she spews.  

She doesn’t love you.  She doesn’t love anybody.  A person like that is not capable of it.  She’s just being manipulative.  

Post # 6
Member
440 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: November 2012

redheadem– + 1

I think your confusing how you “should” react when someone has cancer with how you want to act. Don’t feel guilty for wanting to avoid her. I want to believe I could help anyone from any walk of life regardless of what their background is or how damaged they are, but at this point, you need to do whatever makes you feel most comfortable rather than what is expected of you.

Edit; I am truly sorry that your family have had to put up with such a vile person. 

Post # 7
Member
2639 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: November 2006

@redheadem:  That’s it. Dying doesn’t make someone a saint. Dying doesn’t mean someone deserves your time and attention.

Post # 8
Member
945 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: May 2013

Just because she has cancer doesn’t mean she deserves your sympathy. Her actions put her in this position with her family and nothing else. Please don’t feel any guilt.

Post # 9
Member
282 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: August 2013

She isn’t sad, lonely and depressed because you are ignoring her. She is sad, lonely and depressed because of the way SHE acted and continues to act. She sounds undeniably scary. Whatever you do, please put your own emotional health first!

Post # 10
Member
2290 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: Central Park

Cancer does not excuse a lifetime of horrifying behavior. She does not deserve your time or forgiveness unless she changes how she acts And treats people. I wouldn’t have anything to do with her.

Post # 11
Member
206 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

Oh, I’m so sorry you and your family had to go through all this. I’m amazed you survived — I don’t know if I would have that kind of strength. I can understand how you would feel guilty, but like PPs have said, her diagnosis doesn’t erase all her years of hatefulness.

I would highly suggest you get into therapy if you’re not already. A therapist can help you process your feelings and give some outside perspective that your family members might not be able to. Good luck! I really feel for you.

Post # 13
Member
3627 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

@AllieANT:  You owe her as much respect as she gives you, period, end of discussion.

Post # 15
Member
1460 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2012

You said she had an untreated personality disorder and everyone probably knows it.  I would ignore what she says about your SO or anyone else.  They’re just the ramblings of a disturbed woman.  The best thing you can do is what you did at Christmas.  If and when she does/says something inappropriate tell her.  It probably won’t help anything but it will make you feel better.  She obviously has some disorder that is out of your and your family’s control.  I’m sorry you’re having to go through this.  I always say that every family has dysfuction.  The only difference is in the degree of the dysfunction.  

Post # 16
Member
3583 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: August 2012

@AllieANT:  I think that’s a great plan. Assholes get cancer too. The worst folks are those that get sick and don’t change for the better. Lead with caution and wait to see if anything positive happens but don’t hold your breath. I feel awful for her treatment care givers since they will be seeing her so often. . /-:

As for her badmouthing your SO. I’m sure they are considering the source so don’t fret.

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