- 5 years ago
- Wedding: May 2015
My grandmother abused my mom and aunts as children. Both physically and emotionally. From the time they were born she would scream, call them names like “whore and c*nt” and hit/spit on them. One time she picked my mother up and hurled her across the room. She has a personality disorder and has refused her entire life to get help for it. After much counseling, my mom had decided to forgive her and (VERY) cautiously allow her to see my siblings and I when we were really little. They were always supervised visits, but they always ended badly (she never once touched any of us, but they would always excalate to the point of her screaming at us over nothing and my mom making her leave) Once she would leave, she would call me and tell me “Your father is such a bastard, no wonder your bitch mother married him!” Note: I was around 7.
So my mom cut her out of our lives for 10 years. Her number was blocked, emails blocked, she was not given our address when we moved. I received a birthday/Christmas card/gift from her but other than that, heard nothing from her until a few years ago, when she passed along a message to my mom that she was incredibly sorry, wrong, and wanted nothing more than to see her grandchildren. After 6 months of therapy, my mom decided she would allow her to see us again on a very limited basis. She has come for Christmas the last 4 years, where she would definitely display abnormal behavior (snide comments, inappropriate remarks), but never screamed or yelled. She started calling me every couple of weeks and we would talk, she’d tell me how much she loved me and throw in some nasty comments about my cousins, which I always ignored. She slowly became a part of my life, but I was definitely cautious around her. Example of an inappropriate remark: She doesn’t EVER refer to SO by his name, only “Ugly boy with pretty teeth”
In April, she fell and broke her leg. We moved her to a long term recovery center near us and my mom would go visit her nearly daily, because she was totally alone. She was downright nasty to the nurses, hurling things at them, peeing in her bed instead of “asking that *racial slur* for help”, etc. One day, the manager of the clinic told my mom that she needed to either agree to psychological help or she was no longer welcome there. My mom gently brought up the topic with her, and my grandma unleashed a fury on my mother that left her crying for three days, during which she pointed out “problems” with my mom, dad, brother, and even stooped as low as to say “I hate your entire family because you shitheads loved that dumb bitch *my Dad’s deceased mother, whom we loved and adored* more than you love me.” She then called me to relay the same information. She never insulted me directly, only through insulting the people I love.
I, nor my mother/family, have spoken to her since. She has called my phone a hundred times, sent my mom emails (until they were blocked a few months ago) and tried to get my aunt to pass along her messages. Never has she apologized. She sent me a card that said, “I find it sad you’re taking the word of your lying mother over your dear old grandmother who doesn’t have much longer on this Earth!” (She has been trying to guilt me into doing things for her the entire time we’ve been in communication ie “I don’t have much longer on Earth and may not be at your wedding, so I want you to know it is my dying wish that you don’t wear any makeup on that day so you don’t look like a tramp.”
Today my aunt told us she was diagnosed with breast cancer. She is refusing chemo because “she has nothing to live for since her family has abandoned her”. She had called me three times today, leaving me voicemails telling me that it isn’t fair of me to let her die alone because she loves me. I’m finding it hard to ignore her calls. Am I going to feel guilty when she dies because I ignored her? I honestly don’t know what to do. I don’t enjoy talking to her, but I’m afraid I’ll regret ignoring her calls once she passes and then it will be too late. Her mental illness makes her act so poorly, I know, but she refuses help, so that means she still is at fault for her behavior, right?
Sorry that was so long, I tried really hard to narrow it down to just a few things that demonstrate her behavior, but even reading through it again, it isn’t totally portraying how ‘sick’ and cruel she is.