Post # 1
Hey bees! I’ve been lurking this site for a few weeks now but I thought I’d finally introduce myself! My SO and I started talking about getting engaged months ago, and he finally took the plunge right after halloween and asked me to go ring shopping with him! (eeek!) So over the course of 4-6 weeks we bought a gorgeous micro pave antique style setting online, followed by a loose 1 carat GIA diamond from EnchantedDiamonds.com (by the way I highly recommend buying either a setting or a stone online, because you definitely get a price cut from the retail jewelry stores. BUT it’s always smart to try things on in the stores FIRST to know what you like!)
Sorry for the crummy iphone pics! They really don’t do these beauties justice! Because of my SO’s work schedule, I had to have both items shipped to my house to sign for them! I was so excited! It was like waiting for the biggest present of my life! ha!
Anyway, here’s my issue! We took both the stone and the setting to a jewelry store a few weeks ago to have the stone set, and he told me from this point on I’m not allowed to be involved because he wants it to be a surprise. BUT I’m such a control freak that I REALLY want to get involved. HELP! My cousin whom I’m very close to is probably getting engaged soon and I want to make sure he doesn’t do it immediately before or after her engagement (so be don’t take the “spotlight” off her and her FI), and I also REALLY want to be engaged before we plan on moving in together mid January. So as you can see, I’m really struggling to stay out of things. Also, the ring came with an UGLY presentation box (guess online jewelers have to cut costs somewhere!) and I’d really like a beautiful presentation box, and I know he could get something nice on Etsy or Ebay for like $10.00. But is it too much to start suggesting all these things?
Sorry for the long winded post! I love reading all your posts here on the bee, and I thought maybe I’d get some calming advice. Thanks bees!!
Post # 3
Oh I bet that is driving you crazy not to be involved! I am a super control freak as well =/ My only advice would be that he probably has a plan in mind, and that if you don’t let him do it on his own, you may regret not get as much of the “surprise” out of it that you could. I’m pushing-but-trying-really-hard-not-to-at-all-but-failing with my own SO right now. He tells me that I will look back and love how he planned it, and that getting involved will make be grumpy years later that I semi-proposed to myself. We have gone ring shopping as well, so I can relate.
Long story short, I feel for you alot , but just give it time and breathe- the good news is that in not too much time more( from what it sounds like), you will be engaged!
I totally get the part about your cousin, and I think that s very kind and thoughtful of you. But the important part is the engagement, and a little bit more time will seem like nothing in the long run. And for the ring box, it’s more about the ring itself, right? You can always purchase something for yourself once you are engaged, and just use it as the ring’s house, not say it was the presentation box. Just an idea!
Post # 4
That’s going to be beautiful! And I totally agree about trying things on in person just to make sure, even if you end up ordering on line.
I know it’s hard to take a step back and take a deep breath but the hard part is over- he’s made his decision, you have the “hardware” so to speak and you can definitely afford to relax a little and let the proposal unfold. It looks like it will happen sooner rather than later. Does he know you want to be engaged before moving in together?
I’m also a bit of a control freak- but I am fortunate that my SO and I are doing things “Turkish style” which means no surprise proposal (thank goodness), so I picked my own ring and know exactly when and where we are getting engaged 🙂 I’m not sure I could handle the waiting and wondering game. Hang in there!
Post # 5
@lovesveggees: I’m also a control freak and have been involved in the ring process. I picked out my setting and center stone and went to try it on at the store with him. The jewelers wrote everything down for him so he wouldn’t get it wrong. Then he told me I was done, no more, finished…. but I was having so much fun I’m 99% sure he ordered the ring and have to physical restrain myself from searching through his stuff to find out clues. I don’t want to ruin the surprise factor that’s left. I think you should just let it go from here, he will plan something wonderful and you will be glad that he did. The ring is understandable because men usually have no clue about that stuff, but the planning of the proposal is all his territory!
Post # 6
@lovesveggees: The presentation boxes that came with my engagement ring and wedding band are also ugly (in my opinion–because I hate brown and that’s exactly what they are), but it’s the ring not the box that’s important! Actually, it’s the relationship that’s important, which is why even if you tell your boyfriend that you’d like a different ring box, you mustn’t rush him into proposing despite the powerful temptation. Let him surprise you since you know that’s what he wants to do. 🙂 Just try to trust in the fact that it will happen when he’s ready, and at least you KNOW for a fact that it IS coming because he’s already got the ring, it’s only a matter of WHEN. 🙂 I also wouldn’t worry about the whole thing about your cousin possibly getting engaged soon as well. It’s really sweet of you to be so considerate of her, but really, when a couple gets married, all they get is ONE DAY in the spotlight, which is their wedding day. Nobody gets to be stars for extended periods of time. It would probably be wrong to announce your engagement the same day she announces hers, but even if you got engaged within the same week, she should be HAPPY for you instead of complaining about stealing her thunder. I’m sure you’ll get your ring soon, and when you do, your cousin will be happy for you because of how close you are. 🙂
Post # 7
But is it too much to start suggesting all these things?
Husband says, “Yes. Unless he asks, don’t bring it up.”
Post # 8
I can so top that- I bought my dream setting second hand already because the deal was amazing. I plan on keeping it in my jewelery box until he pops the question! then he just has to get the stone. (he already knows I want to pick something and in addition we’re saving to buy a house/ wont have the money to splash… it probably is a bit mental but its important you get what you want, and i’m sure those hints wont hurt… just leave the actual proposal to him 😉
Post # 10
You don’t wear the ring box. Let it go.
Post # 11
- Wedding: August 2013 - Rocky Mountains USA
Yup, it’s out of your hands. The whole proposal process will be SO much better and more fun for both of you if it’s all his doing. You get to basically plan a whole wedding, let him plan the proposal. This is about you and your love for each other, forget about your cousin and the box.
Post # 12
He might not present the ring to you in a box!
Post # 13
I was the same way and I wish I’d had this board to help me NOT do what I did which is darn near ruin the whole thing by pushing too hard. It’s hard to leave “control” in someone else’s hands but he only gets one shot at this, try to relax and wait and see what he does.
And the ring box won’t matter a bit once you have the ring.
Post # 14
yeah I don’t think you should suggest it – he told you to stay out of it from now on. No offense but the box really doesn’t matter. My FI didn’t even have it in the box when he proposed, the ring was just in his pocket since he didn’t want it to be obvious. I think you need to take a deep breath and relax. You definitely won’t (or shouldn’t) notice the box if it’s ugly when he proposes.
Also he is under no obligation to plan your proposal around your cousins, so relax. If you guys both get engaged near each other/on the same day it’s really not a big deal.
Post # 15
thank you all SO much! I read each and every response and you are all right, I need to just CALM down. Honestly, the ring box is SOOO silly I’m not even sure why I mentioned it. Moment of weakness. Also, I want him to be able to surprise me and do it his way so I’m definitely just going to let it all unhold. I’ll keep you all updated! 🙂
Post # 16
First off congratulations, for me and my bf we are in the same spot on our relationship he just bought the diamond and setting, but the proposal is a surprise to me. The only reason I know that he got the ring is because he said he wanted for me to have my dream ring. And yes now that I know its happening I am so excited to have solid proof of a commitment coming that I want to have that ring now and shout it on the top of my lungs that i’m engaged. I even caught myself wondering when to plan my trip to visit my family in jan or feb, because I want to show them the ring. And I debated asking my bf when I should fly. But I am so glad I took a breath before I spoke. Because the truth is this part, the asking thats all him, and you want it to be. you don’t want to look back and remember that him getting a ring wasn’t enough but you still found that you had to continue to nag him. that doesn’t sound romantic at all. and as for the box. when he does ask you, you won’t care if it was in a brown bag because its not about that its about him looking into your eyes and declaring to himself and the world that he chooses you and only you.