Post # 1
Okay, so I have a friend, we’re not super close, but she’s invited because we lived together in college and she’s known Fiance and I a long time. My Maid/Matron of Honor mentioned to me that she wanted to come to the wedding and was sort of hoping to give me an unconventional gift–she wanted to do my flowers for me. I wasn’t opposed to this, because we’re doing own, and I could definitely use help from someone who knows what they’re doing. My Maid/Matron of Honor mentioned that she seemed nervous about bringing this up to me. So when I saw pictures of some of her arrangements on facebook, I commented on how beautiful they are and how I wish she was here to offer her expertise on my flowers since I’m doing them myself. I thought this would give her an opening to offer the gift she wanted to give without feeling awkward about it. That was about a week ago, and I never heard from her, so I thought maybe she rethough. No biggie. But then, today, she sent me an email offering to do my flowers, asking all kinds of questions about what I want, and then saying that she would be ahppy to do it as long as I pay for the flowers themselves (duh) and her AIRFARE. I was really really shocked. Should I have expected that? Is that reasonable? I really can’t afford that. I thought that she eas planning to come anyway, but didn’t want to spend money on a gift, so this was her alternative. But paying for her to come out was NOT what I had in mind. How do I tell her that? Did I step into this and should I have expected it? Help!!
Post # 3
Hm. It’s not really a gift if you buy her airfare, is it?!
Post # 4
No! You should not be expected to pay her air fare! She’s being a little unreasonable. This is obviously not a gift to you. The airfare essentially = cost of labor, which is what you will find with any florist, not a “friend.”
Post # 5
That was SO weird of her to say! I would have been offfended, honestly. This is how I would respond:
“Wow, thanks so much for offering! The gesture is very much appreciated, but at this time, your airfare just isn’t in our budget, so of course I understand that means we won’t get to use your expertise that day, so I do apologize. Thank you again for the offer!”
Post # 6
I don’t think you stepped into it. So is she a pro? Would you trust her to be your florist as if you did have to pay her? I suppose looking at it from a purely a $$ standpoint, if the cost of her airfare and the flowers is going to be cheaper than what you would have otherwise spent, then I suppose it would be OK, if you trust her abilities.
Other than that, you certainly aren’t obligated to pay for her airfare. If you decide you would rather not have her help, in light of this, I would tell her you appreciate the offer, but just don’t have it in the budget to pay for her airfare. “Oh, I wish I could, but the wedding is draining my finances. I’m sorry. I still hope you can make it to the wedding, though.”
Post # 7
Agreed – she told your mom she wanted to give you her services as a gift – totally unreasonable to ask for airfare as well. WOW!
Post # 8
Ditto Ejs. That’s exactly what I was thinking.
Hmmm – sounds like she offered her services because she was fishing for an invite. Then to ask you to pay her way?!? There was no way to see that one coming. I’d just explain to her that you’re already trying to keep costs down (hence DIY’ing your flowers) – while you’d love to be able to pay for her airfare, you just can’t swing it.
Post # 9
Wow, that’s not really a gift… I agree with all the other posters, don’t make yourself feel badly, you didn’t get into this! She’s being unreasonable.
Post # 10
No, that’s crazy! I can’t believe she said that. I would just tell her you can’t afford to pay for her airfare, but thanks for the offer.
Post # 11
Hmm yea thats a little odd of a request. How expensive is the airfare anyways, have you checked?
Is there a way you can have your Maid/Matron of Honor talk to her?
I would just be honest and say that you were planning on DIYing them yourself since the budget it tight. You will be purchasing the flowers and would love her help if she was able to make it for the wedding however due to budget you cannot purchase her airfare.
Post # 12
Just graciously decline. I don’t think you invited this response at all. The way you went about opening the door for her was really thoughtful, and it is too bad she made it awkward in this way.
Post # 13
I ageee with everyone above me. My contribution is: Oh man what a bummer. For awhile you think you’re going to have this awesome floral arranger help you for free and then it turns out she actually wants you to pay her (airfare)? Bummmerrr.
Post # 14
So if you pay for her airfare and for the flowers… how is that cheaper than hiring someone to do it? Not much of a gift if you ask me.
I don’t think you should have expected this and I would graciously decline.
Post # 15
I think that you should just do them on your own. Thank her for her assistance, but tell her that you can’t afford to fly her there, it’s just not in the budget. And that you hope she still comes to the ceremony.
That’s tough, so sorry to hear about that.
Post # 16
Absolutely not. It seems like she’s just trying to get a free trip to the wedding that she was coming to anyway. It kind of seems as if she’s trying to get over on you. You didn’t hire her to be your florist so I’m not understanding her logic, especially if she offered and is calling it a gift. I would kindly tell her that since you were planning on doing the flowers yourself you’d be happy to pay for them, however you are not able to pay for her airfare.