Help! I'm not sure what to do…

posted 3 years ago in Family
Post # 3
Member
845 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: August 2015

@keevolpi:  I don’t have this problem, but I feel like if he didn’t act like a dad or try and make you feel happy for so many years, that it isn’t your problem if he gets offended now. Maybe he will understand anyway and no drama will start. Maybe give him another role like being the MC, doing a reading, etc. Just try not to feel guilty about your choice 🙂

Post # 4
Member
3718 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: August 2013

Similar situation. My dad didn’t do any of the traditional stuff (I actually didn’t even invite him). My mom did all of it.

Post # 5
Member
1749 posts
Bumble bee

I think honesty is the best policy, in this case. If this feels like a slap in the face to him, so be it. He gave up the perks of being a father when he wasn’t in your life, so he’ll just have to deal with the consequences.

 

Stand by your decision to have your brother and mother in the roles you’ve chosen for them in the wedding. Don’t let his or other’s emotions guilt or goad you into including him in ways you don’t want to. 

 

 

Post # 7
Member
6964 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: October 2015

@keevolpi:  you could have him do a reading or escort an elderly family member down the aisle. I agree with PP that any offense he might take wouldn’t hold a candle to the offense if him leaving your mom to care for you alone. 

Post # 8
Member
296 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: August 2014

I’m a big fan of only using people who mean something to you in your wedding party or in your wedding as a whole…HOWEVER…I’m going to play devil’s advocate here just because he’s your dad.

You’re already making it clear that you’re not giving him the traditional “father of the bride” role by having your mom and brother walk you down the aisle/give you away while he sits on the sidelines. Why not do a dance with him? You could do a dance with your mother and brother first, then do a short dance with your dad. (I’m taking into account that he has made an effort recently to be a part of your life). This could be a great way for you to bond further and put the past where it belongs. It also makes it clear to everyone that the pomp and circumstance is with your mom and brother, but that you’re giving your dad a place in your new life. I think it’s a great moment to move forward. In the future, if he continues to make an effort or doesn’t, at least you’ve done your part and opened the door. And years from now, when he’s no longer here, you’ll have that memory.

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